Lessons from my Grandmother

I lost my grandmother, Mary Greene, on Saturday. She was born a few weeks into the Great Depression and lived 91 years, doing it her way at every turn. She was a role model as a professional woman long before I realized how rare that was, particularly in the era of her prime. Ahead of her time as a woman in technology, she never saw herself as anything special, but the older I got, the more I appreciated just how special she truly was. I learned so much by watching her, seeing who she was, hearing her stories – so, so many good stories.

Independent Woman

My grandmother was married three times, but the real love of her life was the man after the husbands, George. She was already with George when I was born, and I knew how great they were together and how much they loved each other. The only question my childhood brain couldn’t quite grasp was why weren’t they married? Family lore goes that George was smarter than Mary’s previous husbands because he realized early on that she was different, she wanted things exactly her way, and trying to change that was futile. So, they were together for over 30 years; they moved to Europe and back together, traveled the world together, worked together, retired together, and always maintained separate residences! Mary wasn’t having anyone else in her house telling her how to do anything, and George respected it and must have embraced it.

She was fiercely independent as a young woman and single mother, moving to work in Washington D.C. with my mother in tow, supporting herself, living without furniture for a bit, building up a life. And so, for many years, I have thought of my grandmother as the ultimate Independent Woman. I learned from her that it’s best if you’re in charge of yourself and can take care of yourself, no matter what. She did it, against the odds, as a young woman in the 1950’s and for the rest of her days until last week.

Work Hard with Purpose

Mary had a strong work ethic, and her annoyance and lack of understanding for anyone who didn’t was apparent. As a young girl she started helping out at the local grocery store because she loved it and she loved being useful. She would weigh out sugar, flour, meat, etc. back when nothing was pre-packaged. My takeaway from her work stories is that her job at any given time gave her purpose. She liked helping to make things better – whether she was helping the Army coordinate supplies to troops or founding and commanding the local Civil Air Patrol in Tennessee or teaching people to fly (she was the first female commercial glider pilot in the Mid-South) or co-authoring and editing books for friends during her retirement, she found purpose in providing that help. I recently was seeking more purpose in my own work and life, and I realized that I, too, have a deep desire to help people through work, volunteer, friendships. I know I learned from her example, watching and listening to her all these years.

Advocate for Yourself

Mary shared a story in years past about when she was working at the Pentagon in 1959 as a Budget Analyst for the Navy. Her boss came in one day to tell her she’d been selected for a promotion two levels up, without ever having applied for the job, because he had complete confidence that she would soar. She was so excited, until an hour later when her boss informed her that the Division Director had vetoed her selection “because he wants a man in the job.” Mary was not happy, and while commuting in on the Pentagon employee bus the next morning, a Colonel in the Army sat down and inquired how she was doing. She replied, “Mad.” Then explained what had happened. The Colonel said, “Why don’t you get into EDP?” She asked, “What’s that?” “Electronic Data Processing (later known as ADP/Automatic Data Processing).” “What’s that?” The Colonel encouraged her to apply for a position, confident she could learn what she needed to know. She went to her office, typed up her application and submitted it by lunchtime. She had an interview an hour after that and was offered the better job by the end of the day, facilitating her transfer from working for the Navy to the Army, where she spent the rest of her civilian service career. She also helped catch a spy once, also on the Pentagon bus, but that’s another amazing story for another day!

I love that she expressed her feelings and frustration over something that was unfair. I love that this Colonel recognized her spunk and brains and snatched her up and over to his team. I love that Mary didn’t see that she did anything special. But I don’t think many women in 1959 would have said what she said and followed through so quickly to apply for that new position. She had to stand up for herself and take proactive steps to change her unjust situation. And she did it. And that’s brave, and I have learned from her story, yet again.

Travel to Have Fun and Grow

While working for the U.S. Army in Germany, she and George traveled a lot. They would jet over to Austria or Switzerland for weekend ski trips, though she’d never skied before, she said she learned to love it, especially the camaraderie with friends on the ski trips. In recent years she shared she’d been to 54 countries in North America, Europe, Asia and Africa. She visited seven Communist countries in the early 1970’s, and said she appreciated free countries even more after that experience. She was introduced to French cuisine and loved it from that point for the rest of her life. I know she drank wine and raised hell in each of those 54 countries, gathering up more stories of how she grew and learned and enriched her life with these trips.

My mother and I both inherited this travel bug. I have been a lot of places, but there are so many more places to go. I am inspired by my grandmother’s curiosity and sense of adventure, and I look forward to international travel again one day.

Build and Nurture Your Connections

Mary kept in touch with people from every stage of her life. She wrote letters and emails, caught up on the phone, visited people and hosted people from all over the world. Until last week, she could tell me how cousin Shirley was doing, or niece Kathleen, or friend Solveiga up in NYC. Her Zweibrücken, Germany coworkers and friends were a tightknit group, holding reunions every other year for over 40 years. She attended almost every one until recent years when her health was failing. She also compiled and published a book of Zweibrücken-colleague memories and a Zweibrücken cookbook of recipes from everyone. Keeping in touch, keeping other people in touch, learning their stories, caring about them. When I went off to college, my technology-forward stepfather got me a computer (nobody else had one yet) with an Ethernet card so that I could email people. Who would I email that fall? I only knew two people with email – my stepfather and my grandmother, of course! So, we started emailing that year, and we never stopped. Mary loved keeping up with folks, sharing their stories, reconnecting people. She was in a Thursday night dinner club with local friends and stayed connected in various ways with so many people over the years. I want to do more connecting and reconnecting with people, and I feel motivated by her friendships and the stories these friends have been sharing with me lately.

My grandmother inspired me so much, and I hope you feel inspired by her stories and memories here. Maybe now you’ll go out today and apply for a new job, or reach out to an old friend, or help make something better. If you do, do it in honor of Mary.