Mindful Way Through Sadness
“One of the simplest and most loving things you can do for someone who feels bad is just to be with them. You can say, ’I am here for you.’ You are offering your presence, which is the most wonderful gift you can offer another person.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh, teaching children
It is important to be present for ourselves. Self-compassion exercises are an important way to live well with and through sadness. Gratitude exercises may also help.
Mindfulness exercises during experiences of sadness:
Phrase /Mantra Repetition
Sit comfortably.
Close your eyes. (It is okay to keep your eyes open.)
Take a deep breath.
Repeat softly in your mind, “I am strong. I can handle this pain.”
When your mind gets lost in thoughts, gently bring it back to the repetition of the phrases.
Do this for at least five minutes.
Open your eyes and smile (a fake smile is okay).
Note: Other phrases (e.g., “May my suffering end soon,” “This too shall pass,” “I am not a failure,” “I am not what others think I am,” “I am my own best friend,” “I am good,” “I am beautiful,” “I am worthy of love and respect”) may also be appropriate. Choose a phrase that you find most useful. Usually it is the one that counteracts negative schemas* and automatic negative thoughts. Feel free to modify any of the above exercises to fit the needs of your mind and body (e.g., timing the phrase with your breathing, soothing music in the background, applying soothing lavender lotion to yourself while doing these exercises, sipping something soothing while doing these exercises, stretching your muscles or doing yoga while doing these exercises).
*Schemas are strongly held beliefs that we have about ourselves, others, and the world in general. Negative schemas form early in life and remain stable throughout adulthood. They are due to negative or traumatic experiences in childhood. They can be weakened with mindfulness exercises and/or psychotherapy. These include feeling that one is unlovable, unworthy, unlucky, unloved, worthless, insignificant, weak, “bad,” a failure; feeling that others are untrustworthy, devious, harsh, selfish, mean, “bad,” unforgiving, narcissistic, abusive, nasty, liars; feeling that life “sucks,” that the whole world is mean, selfish, and cruel; that love doesn’t exist, that you cannot trust anyone, that no one cares, that bad things happen only to “me,” etc.
Author: Abhilash Desai MD. This is from the book by my wife and I titled One Day Mindfulness Millionaire: A Lighthearted Primer for the Uninitiated. Available as paper back on Amazon, Bookbaby ($10) and as ebook (for 99 cents) on Amazon Kindle, Bookbaby and iBooks. Follow me on Instagram #autismandmindfulness
Namaste