Obama lights up Kamala coronation

I recently visited the US Visa Application Centre to submit some documentation, and it absolutely awakened my inner Mohan Bhargav, making me swear that I was completely happy in India and had no desire to visit a country that asks more questions of potential immigrants than their presidential candidates.

The venue has so many arcanely archaic rules that would make a Kafka protagonist chuckle, including leaving all your personal effects—mobile, wallet, and kidney included—outside. You can keep your shining city on the hill; the next time I want to visit America, I'll simply listen to a Donald Trump speech, blast some CCR, have some buffalo wings, and drink a few Bud Lights.

The infuriating process reminded me of how much simpler it was to get a visa to Singapore—the Shangri-La of all right-of-centre libertarians—when I was younger. Of course, that could’ve been because I was a child back then and too engrossed with Mr Bean reruns to figure out the red tape.

P.S. If you do end up visiting Singapore, drop by the fabulous Universal Studios on Sentosa Island (the most magical place I could imagine at eight years old).

Speaking of the USA, the Kamala Coronation, officially known as the DNC, is in full swing. We also have the Indian government's backfoot on lateral entry, a new disease called m-pox, the return of the Premier League, and why the Bengaluru Techie is the spiritual antithesis of the Florida Man.

1) Obama lights up Kamala coronation

We are into the second day of the DNC, and there’s no denying that the Dems—who looked dead and buried under Biden—are a party rejuvenated. The KHive is buzzing, Tim Walz is everyone’s favourite dad, and even the pro-Palestine supporters trying to crash the party don’t appear particularly enthusiastic.

While Day 1’s leitmotif was "Adieu Biden," with some claiming his speech was deliberately delayed to miss primetime, Day 2, was lit up by Barack Obama. His walk to the stage was greeted with cheers akin to those when HR brings out samosas at the office party. It was a reminder that the former President still remains the most gifted orator in Shakespeare’s language on either side of the pond. Twenty years after he lit up the DNC, the skinny kid with a funny name is now an elder statesman but still the patron saint of liberals across the world.

Channelling his inner Thurgood Marshall, Obama gave a message of unity (with some pedantic American exceptionalism): “No nation, no society, has ever tried to build a democracy as big and diverse as ours before—one where our allegiances and our community are defined not by race or blood, but by a common creed. That’s why when we uphold our values, the world’s a little brighter. When we don’t, the world’s a little dimmer, dictators and autocrats feel emboldened, and over time we become less safe.”

It was a far cry from the leering and jeering that characterised the Republican National Convention, and a reminder that as far as oratory is concerned, he’s still the Sith Lord with no apprentice, with a voice that can make people forgive a thousand drone strikes.

The Weekly Vine Quip: One of democracy’s strangest quirks is that we are hoodwinked into voting for talented orators over able administrators.

2) U-turn on lateral entry

The Modi government recently took a U-turn on lateral entry. For those who get all their information from Instagram reels, lateral entry refers to the entry of experts into mid-level government positions without following the quota system in place for the UPSC. While the government defended its move, pointing out stalwarts like Manmohan Singh and Montek Singh Ahluwalia were also “lateral entry candidates,” and the Opposition claimed credit, it was the allies who forced the BJP to backtrack.

As a TOI piece notes: “In his first two terms, when the BJP had a majority on its own in Lok Sabha, PM Modi carried out several bold reforms and successfully implemented many decisions. He also did some course corrections, like taking back the three farm laws or contradicting his top minister on CAA. But these course corrections were forced by massive public protests. Dependent on allies for the survival of the government in his third term, PM Modi had till now tried hard to send out the message that ‘it is business as usual’ despite coalition compulsions. But the U-turn on lateral entry is perhaps the first indication that the allies may have influenced the agenda for the Modi government. It surely adds a new twist to the raging debate—is this NDA 3.0 or Modi 3.0?”

The Weekly Vine Quip: 303 > 260

3) Dial M for m-pox

Last year, SNL co-host Colin Jost joked: “WHO is changing the name of monkeypox to m-pox due to concerns that the original was racist, which I really didn’t think was an issue, but now I am wondering, what’s the N in N-95?” Like all SNL jokes, the camera then pans to his co-host Michael Che as a sort of answer.

A year later, it’s no longer a joke, as our newsfeeds are suddenly full of stories about m-pox. The disease spreads primarily through close contact with an infected person or animal. Transmission occurs via direct contact with skin lesions, body fluids, or respiratory droplets. It can also spread through contaminated materials like bedding or clothing. Human-to-human transmission often requires prolonged face-to-face interaction, making it more likely in household settings or healthcare environments.

Additionally, m-pox can spread through contact with infected animals, such as rodents or primates, either through bites, scratches, or handling animal products. Sexual contact has also been identified as a significant route of transmission, particularly in recent outbreaks.

While the WHO has called m-pox a public health emergency of international concern (PHEIC), a WHO official has said it’s not the “new Covid.” Here’s a handy FAQ on the subject.

The Weekly Vine Quip: Can diseases just let us be?

4) Premier League is back

A few months after football declared it had no desire to “go home,” no matter how many times English fans sang Sweet Caroline, we can finally stop living on Albion tears because the Premier League is back. This means we can now live on the tears of Manchester United fans. 

Every Premier League season starts with the same stereotypes: Can Arsenal finally win the league? Is Liverpool going to improve? Will Man City’s sportswashing project and financial irregularities continue to be ignored? Do Chelsea have too many players? Will Manchester United ever stop being a banter club? You can be sure that we will have the same questions in the next season. 

The Weekly Vine Quip: The Premier League’s success shows that capitalism is a bigger binding force than hatred against colonialism.

5) Bengaluru Techie: The antithesis of the Florida Man

Florida Man is a popular Internet meme that even made its way into the GTA VI trailer, based on the notion that the state has a prevalence of people with tendencies to do irrational or maniacal things. There are many popular Florida Man headlines like: “Florida man attacked while taking selfie with squirrel,” “Florida Man uses plane to draw radar penis,” “Florida man throws an alligator through drive-thru”. 

A CNN article on the meme proposed that the wide array of reports on unusual incidents can be attributed to several factors, including public records laws that allow journalists quick and easy access to police reports, the state’s relatively large population, its highly unpredictable weather, and shortcomings in mental health funding.

Anyhoo, the other day, it struck me that Florida Man was the literal antithesis of Bengaluru Techie, whose headlines are usually much sadder, like: “Bengaluru techie claims he fled wife,” and “Bengaluru techie goes mad after being stuck in a jam for 10 hours”. 

The Weekly Vine Quip: Much like Gautam Gambhir is the spiritual antithesis of Laughing Buddha, it would appear that Bengaluru Techie is the Yin to Florida Man’s Yang.

(by Nirmalya Dutta )