The Power of Connecting Parents & Autistic Adults

I still remember the first time I pressed into a squeeze machine, a device first designed by Dr. Temple Grandin to provide relief to those who use it. As I wrung and wriggled my body through it, the deep pressure applied by its rollers offered me an overwhelming sense of comfort and calm.

The chance to try out a squeeze machine was offered to me by my friend Brooke, a friend since kindergarten and the mother of three kids - including an autistic son. While visiting Brooke and her family in Ohio, my eyes lit up when I looked over and spotted a squeeze machine in the corner of their living room.

"Wanna try it out?" asked Brooke, cheerily encouraging me to experience it for myself. Although I was familiar with cattle squeezes from the times that I had spent on a farm, this was the first time I had seen its human version.

I wedged myself into the machine, and as I rolled myself back-and-forth my entire body relaxed. Suddenly I felt like, well, me. Gone was the crackling static of the sensory input around me. So was any anxiety that I had felt. While each person is different, for many autistic people the sensation of being in a squeeze machine can be incredibly soothing and grounding - like being inside a big hug from someone you love.

[Video Description] Dr. Temple Grandin discusses her invention of the squeeze machine, variations of which she developed for both herself as an autistic person and for the cattle she worked with, along with discussing various innovations built on her idea that have since come after it.

And the experience of her family's squeeze machine wasn't the only gift she gave me that weekend. Over dinner and conversation, Brooke and I deconstructed our childhood friendship (we met at five years old), remembering all the 'autistic things' I routinely did as an elementary school student, yet somehow was totally oblivious to.

"We should have known!" Brooke and I would shout as each of us laughed. "A non-autistic kid would never do that."

And just as sitting and talking with Brooke helped me color-in the memories of my own autistic childhood, so did spending time that weekend with her autistic son. To outsiders, Brooke's son and I may have appeared and acted very different from each other. Still, I recognized in him many things about myself. And I like to think that he recognized things about himself in me.

Over those few days in Ohio, I offered Brooke explanations of things her son might be going through - the subtle shades of the autistic experience that service providers and experts rarely help parents of children understand. In return, Brooke shared with me her son's own experiences (which I instantly recognized in myself, but which no psychologist, therapist, or government agency had ever informed me were part of autistic life). It's as if Brooke and I were suddenly back in school, trading notes, and cramming for upcoming tests.

As much as I loved the squeeze machine (and I did love it), the mutual understanding and support that Brooke and I found in each other was the true highlight of the weekend. It was one of several experiences that cemented in my mind the power that comes from connecting parents of autistic children to autistic adults.

Brooke had long known this, as her own life was already filled with autistic adults who offered her templates and tips for raising an autistic son (alongside two wonderful non-autistic children). Spending time with Brooke and her family forced me to catch-up, subsequently deepening the ties that I had with other friends who were raising their own autistic kids - and my life is so wonderfully enriched and informed because of it.

While April is recognized as Autism Acceptance Month, that doesn't mean that our work to build autism acceptance stops now that we are in the month of May. And one of the most powerful actions we can take to continue to build autism acceptance is to connect autistic adults with parents of autistic children.

The Benefits of Mutual Understanding, Empathy, and Support

By bridging the gap between autistic adults and those who parent autistic kids, we can foster deeper understanding, reveal hidden insight, and provide each other mutual support, thus helping to build a more inclusive environment for us all.

If you're a parent of an autistic child, consider reaching out to autistic adults to gain insights and advice that can help you support your child more effectively (you can find a list of autistic and otherwise neurodivergent communities here). Autistic adults have lived experiences that can provide invaluable guidance on navigating various challenges and celebrating unique strengths. And offer up tips that have worked for your family, as many autistic adults weren't provided the information and resources they desperately deserved.

If you're an autistic adult, don't hesitate to share your experiences and knowledge with parents who are eager to learn. Your perspective can help them better understand their child's needs and potential. And you just may find that the things which their children must navigate are the same patterns you've constantly had to work through. By coming together in a spirit of mutual understanding, empathy, and support, we can create a supportive network that benefits both autistic individuals and their families.

An Ongoing Gift

After an evening of reflecting on our childhoods, sharing with one another our experiences and autism skips, and pushing myself through her family's squeeze machine, Brooke left me with one final gift as I left. Picking up a 12"x12" piece of fabric stuffed with plastic beads, Brooke gifted me the tiny weighted blanket that had brought her son comfort when he was a much younger child. Accepting it with joy, I later placed it on my chest and wore it for the entire plane ride home to California - finding comfort in its soothing sensation and the understanding of myself that I had found in my friend.

As an autistic adult who works in the field of neurodiversity, much of my life is focused on the broad topics of autism - promoting workplace accommodations, shaping research priorities, answering questions about IEPs, and securing the resources which autistic people and our families so desperately need. Yet, the autism-related topic I remain most passionate about is connecting parents of autistic children to autistic adults.

This world is a big place, and our paths in life can be long. There's no reason for any of us to go it alone. Let's continue the momentum of Autism Acceptance Month throughout the entire year by building connections, sharing knowledge, and advocating for a world where autistic people and the families who love us are valued, included, and understood.

John Marble is the founder of Pivot Neurodiversity and is a training partner and classroom instructor with Neurodiversity Pathways. Along with Ranga Jayaraman and Khushboo Chabria , he is the co-author of Neurodiversity For Dummies (Wiley), which is available now. He is autistic.