Real Pride, Grace and the rise of Humblebragging

Many professionals like to project an identity on social networks; they share photos, opinions, articles, comments, and endorse others' posts. Little wonder that over the last decade, recruiters first search online for the digital presence of candidates applying to join their organizations. When I am asked whether it is a good idea to have a permanent profile on social networks, my answer is yes, although I recommend projecting a professional image.

Throughout my career, I have always highlighted the importance of storytelling as part of our quest for personal and professional success, and often tell my competitive strategy students that communications and marketing are what add real value to a company's products and services, in fact, sometimes most of it. This is sometimes met with skepticism because, as beings who live in a physical environment where the senses are the gateway to knowledge, we tend to associate what is valuable with what is tangible, what is valued with what is perceptible and material. However, powerful marketing and communication touches our emotions and feelings, which, although intangible and invisible, affect our mood and drive our decisions.

In terms of personal development, building our own narrative, one that makes sense our lives, is of particular importance if we are to achieve a reasonable degree of happiness and peace of mind. Two contemporary philosophers have aptly illustrated this idea. Charles Taylor, an American proponent of communitarianism, explains that the "basic condition for making sense of ourselves is that we grasp our lives in a narrative", that we understand our lives "as an unfolding story". For his part, Alasdair McIntyre, a Scottish thinker who revived the classical concept of virtues as a pillar of personal morality, writes that "the unity of a human life is the unity of a narrative quest".

The importance of narrative in giving meaning to a life or an organization can be seen, for example, in the stories that parents or grandparents tell their children and grandchildren; the circumstances that led a family to live in a certain place or to set up a particular business. Devotion to a sport or a team, membership of a club or certain trades is often passed on from one generation to the next. In companies, corporate history seeks to enhance the values and purpose of the organization, to unite the organization and bind its members together.

At the individual level, how can one construct a personal narrative without committing the sin of pride or exaggerating one's own merits? If one accepts that authenticity is essential to reinforcing leadership and respect from others, how does one forge the best impression of oneself with sincerity and objectivity?

The challenge is akin to squaring a circle, because in constructing an idealized image of one's identity that is attractive to others, for example to win an award, get a job or sell our services, we tend to emphasize the good things about us and minimize our defects. Isn't there a certain degree of deception in exalting personal strengths and hiding weaknesses?

The truth is that emphasizing the best side of ourselves, looking our best, highlighting our attributes, is what we do; it’s hardwired into all animals, and as such is a powerful natural instinct.

Moreover, I find two additional arguments in defense of this behavior, that prove looking our best is not a manifestation of unhealthy pride, conceit or arrogance. The first is from the Gospel of Matthew, which I select not for any religious conviction, but for its obvious reasonableness: "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works." Trusting in our abilities to take on a job, or following the advice of a friend to compete for an award means not hiding our light, but being prepared to take on responsibilities and lead others.

The second argument is taken from the philosopher Paul Ricoeur, who proposes an interesting distinction: we are really narrators, not authors of our lives. He explains that "a life examined, in the sense borrowed from Socrates, is a life narrated." When we elaborate a personal narrative and give meaning to our life, we are distancing ourselves to some extent from our real life, from our limitations and everyday experience. We are idealizing our own experiences. For Ricoeur, any narrative is a mimesis of reality, which is not exactly replicating reality, but the "cut that opens the space of fiction." In short, making sense of our existence, responding to the Socratic challenge of examining our personal life, has an unavoidable fictional component.

Peter Brooks, in Seduced by Story, refers to this same phenomenon, and quotes several thinkers: "Self is a perpetually rewritten story," according to the psychologist Jerome Bruner; we are all constantly engaged in a "self-making narrative" and "in the end we become the autobiographical narratives by which we 'tell about' our lives." Oliver Sacks agreed: each of us "constructs and lives a 'narrative' . . . this narrative is us, our identities." A vast chorus of assent arises from the humanities-literary studies, psychology, anthropology, sociology, philosophy, political theory, religious studies, echoed back by psychotherapy, medicine, law, marketing, design: human beings typically experience their lives as a narrative or story of some sort, or at least as a collection of stories.

If our identity and personal projection is built on the narrative we create, it’s important is to build a story that gives the best account of our existence. To this end, it’s worth avoiding mistakes.

• In the first place, excessive pride: conceit. In the Purgatory of his Divine Comedy, Dante presents us with characters -Briereus, Timbreo, Nimrod, Cyrus- and entire cities -Nineveh, Niobe- who became famous for their conceit, and were scorned as such. Exalting the epic nature of our exploits can produce hilarity among our peers, to say the least.

A particular form of unhealthy pride is manifested in those who like to repeatedly view their photos, recordings or writings, not with the intention of correcting any imperfection, but to celebrate ourselves. This is a clear case of ego mania

• More recently, a particular type of false modesty has been dubbed humble bragging. Social networks provide us with many examples every day. Have you counted the messages from your colleagues that begin with the expression "humbled by", "thrilled at", "honored by", and the like, followed by the announcement of a new position, or some achievement that is little more than vulgar ostentation? False modesty consists of pretending to be humble for having had a success. It is really a form of arrogance.

False modesty is often displayed in job interviews. Recruiters will typically ask candidates to name their weaknesses. Perhaps the problem resides in the question itself, since most of us, when looking for a job, are hardly likely to list our defects. What would a candidate gain by answering that they are prone to anger under stress, they don't like working in a team, or that they get tired after lunch? We are facing forced inauthenticity, as the French philosopher Jean Paul Sartre explained in his novel Nausea: "self-storying, although inevitable, condemns us to inauthenticity, a kind of absence from our own lives."

That is why, when faced with this perverse question, most candidates respond with clichés typical of false modesty (humblebragging). For example, explaining that their defect is excessive perfectionism, or that their problem is giving too much importance to taking on all the challenges that come their way, or that they cannot avoid completing tasks, to the detriment of their private life.

At the university level, academics are also pressured into practicing humblebragging, given the promotion system of their careers and the relationship between their performance and the evaluation of their institutions, for example in rankings or by accreditation agencies. This generates, in the opinion of Lenardic, Seales and Levandic, an exaggerated self-promotion and dissemination of their own research, in addition to recurrent references to the work of colleagues, even if not justified, to improve the rating of these publications.  "How does one square the circle of feeling the need to brag in order to maintain a career while not wanting to sound like a braggart? That question has led many to throw in a touch of humility, and humble brags now permeate science and the internet," they explain.

Experts who have researched humblebragging in the professional environment show that its effects are negative, and recommend acting more authentically. My advice would be to try to be original, to surprise with answers that show ingenuity in the face of a question that is poorly posed.

The truth is that, after the pandemic, with the experience of teleworking and the possibility of enjoying greater flexibility, and perhaps reconciling work and personal responsibilities, many young people naturally claim their demands, and respond more spontaneously to questions about their limitations. Possibly the phenomenon is also related to the challenges faced by large corporations in attracting and retaining young talent, after the experience of the "big resignation".

• I think the best expression of genuine modesty or humility is to act with grace, which manifests itself in how we treat others, recognize their merits, avoid arrogating unwarranted honors to ourselves, and also paying little attention to public recognition of our achievements. The opposite of conceit is not dejection, but gracious humility, exquisite modesty. People who have achieved professional success often shy away from express praise, lengthy biographies, or regular recognition of their contributions to their work.

On the other hand, younger professionals who are still in search of promotion, or are at the beginning of their career, tend to worry if they do not receive frequent positive feedback or praise after simply doing their job. Certainly, praise from veterans and bosses to younger people is a sign of leadership, and is a simple and inexpensive way to motivate them, encouraging them to keep up the effort. As time goes by, and we acquire more experience, it is preferable to have more emotional autonomy and not to depend on flattery, even though it may be deserved. Instead, it is preferable to construct one's own narrative in the first person, not just to depend on other people's versions. As an angel says to Dante about to leave the circle of pride: "Oh human creatures, born to soar aloft, why fall ye thus before a little wind".

--------------------

You may visit my INSTAGRAM account here

Photo above