Same difference? Not quite.

The difference between To Be and To Become is more than four letters. It can mean the difference between action and desire, between realising and wishing.

If you find yourself setting goals for yourself, and yet not quite achieving them, aim to Be, rather than Become.

This isn't mere semantics. It's a strategic shift in perspective. Aiming to "Be" invites action—aiming to “Become” conveys a more seismic shift in behaviors, personality and traits.

Let's illustrate!

One of the questions I get asked most often when conducting workshops and classes, is “How can I become more assertive?” Assertiveness, much like a fine wine, is complex, and equally hard to come by. A recent study by Acuity.com suggests that over half of adults surveyed consider they have missed out on job opportunities due to lack of assertiveness, and almost half say they have had to learn assertiveness. So a search on ‘How to become Assertive’ on any search engine will yield a mind-boggling number of results.

How to do it?

Practical Magic: The Strategy of "Being" rather than “Becoming”

The trick to developing assertiveness, and other skills, is to reframe the goal as “to be more assertive in key situations” from “becoming assertive all the time.” The magic lies in identifying situations where you can demonstrate being assertive without worrying about becoming an embodiment of assertiveness. This may simply mean expressing your limitations clearly, without apology, when faced with unreasonable demands. Or sharing your ideas openly in the meetings where it matters.

This can also be expressed more formally as the difference between ‘state’ and ‘trait’: the state of being assertive in the moment, rather than the trait of 'being an assertive person'.

Similarly, those who find themselves prey to anxiety, can try to identify situations which cause them anxiety and manage that state (maybe by taking a walk around the park), rather than trying to become a Zen Master.  

The principle can apply in many cases:

• Creativity: Instead of aspiring to become creative, choose to be creative while brainstorming with your team.
• Leadership: Rather than waiting to become a leader, be a leader by choosing to support your colleagues in tangible ways today.
• Learning: Instead of aiming to become knowledgeable, decide to read an interesting blogpost every day.

Lightbulb Moment: Flipping the Have-Do-Be mindset

Most of us are stuck in the Have-Do-Be loop without being aware of it: believing we must have something (like a trait or resource) to do something, which will finally allow us to be what we want.

"If I have confidence, I'll be able to speak in front of a group, and be an amazing Public Speaker".

Flip it. Be a public speaker by seeking speaking opportunities, practise public speaking skills, go give that speech, and see your confidence develop after every successful (or failed, or somewhere-in-between) attempt.

To be or not to be?

In sum, it's not about overhauling your identity but about choosing to embody your desired qualities when they're most needed. Ultimately, it is about making a choice in the moment of how to be.

The best part: ‘being’ over time leads to ‘becoming’.

Frankly, life is too short to spend it in the future tense.

Until next time!