On a scale of 1 to 10?

When we were raising our kids, and they were sick, I would use a 1-10 scale with them to see just how sick they felt. One was not sick at all, and 10 was as sick as they had ever felt. It worked well.

Recently, in an effort to get the elephant out of the room related to disability, we started to do the same thing. We asked people to ask themselves how comfortable or uncomfortable they were about people with disabilities and to assign themselves a number. Doing this has been very revealing for both us and them! We’ve been asking our friends on social media to assess for themselves where they honestly fit on their comfort scale. 

I can also remember my comfort level from such a long time ago when I was just getting to know Steve. On a scale of 1-10, ten being seriously uncomfortable, I was a 142. Where are you? Honestly. What’s your number? You might be wondering how I got from that 142 to 1? ( Yep, I’m a one). Well, here’s some back story. When I met Steve, all I saw was that wheelchair, and all I heard was the speech impediment. Because of that, I can remember not knowing what to do or say when I was trying to communicate with him as a peer. I remember feeling a bit frozen, not knowing how to socially proceed with him.

There was ONE thing...only ONE thing that got me from that 142 to where I am now. That one thing was information. The key came in knowing about the specifics around his disability! When I had info on the basics, my hesitations diminished! The more I knew, the less I saw his disability! When I learned the fundamentals of his disability, I was no longer stuck! It was not long after that that I became truly blind to his disability. Fast forward to today. I have tested and tested my notion, leaning in and bravely asking questions as I get to know all sorts of people with disabilities. This little trick has allowed me to get to know human beings way beyond their disability. I do it so that their disability is something I don’t see..... It was uncomfortable, and I was shy, but determined to try to get closer to the people I cared about; viable, important human beings that I wanted to know. So, I asked, I gently learned about their disabilities... again and again. I got thumped on the head a few times by people who thought I was rude, but 99 percent of the time, I was met with solid, affirming answers that allowed me to enjoy peer to peer connections I and they were seeking.

It’s your turn, and I challenge you. You’ll be delighted on the other side of some likely timid questions that turn into answers that turn into a connection that in my case lead to a happy, long marriage.

~ Elizabeth Wampler