The Scripts in Our Minds

As humans, we are often governed by the scripts that our minds construct, both consciously and unconsciously. These scripts are based on the multitude of experiences we’ve had, both positive and negative.

Many scripts are imposed by influential people in our lives, such as parents, coaches, and others who had power and authority over us while growing up. Their words, actions, and body language have all contributed to the beliefs and stories we have created for ourselves over the years.

As we navigate the complex world around us, we become the architects of the stories we continue to create. These stories shape the habitual ways we show up in the world, reinforcing what we value and prioritize most. Ultimately, they define the narrative that consistently plays out in our lives and minds.

For many, these scripts are a force for good, guiding us personally and professionally and serving as an anchor for excellence. For others, however, this is not the case.

In my work as a performance coach, I’ve had the chance to work with many impactful leaders, academic researchers, engineers, elite athletes, and educators. Through this work, I’ve seen many of these highly talented individuals struggle with incessant thoughts of never feeling good enough. They often feel they don’t measure up to others’ expectations and frequently battle with imposter syndrome. For some, the disempowering personal narratives they have created choke off their ability to show up as their best selves, especially when it counts most.

The more they think this way, the more they program their minds to believe these stories are real, reinforcing the negative scripts they’ve created. Left unchecked, these doom and gloom story loops wreak havoc, dictating how they feel about themselves, interact with others, and perform in their fields of work.

In my role as a performance coach, I help people address these challenges by fostering a deeper, more sustainable sense of self-worth and fulfillment.

In the next part of this article, I’ll share examples of what this work looks like, offering practical ideas you can apply if you find yourself struggling with disempowering scripts in your mind.

What’s Behind the Scripts and Stories We Tell Ourselves?

Asking ourselves this question with an open, curious, non-judgmental mindset is key to understanding what is happening. When we examine these stories and scripts, we often realize that a part of who we are deeply wants us to succeed. This part believes in us, knows our capabilities, and wants us to perform at our best.

The first question I have people explore is: 

What might this part of us truly want? Journal writing can help answer this question, unlocking insights by providing the time and space needed to explore our thoughts in greater detail. I always use journal writing as an invitation in the coaching process because it can be so valuable if people are willing to engage with it. Other journal writing questions to explore include:

• Why is being successful in your chosen area of work or athletic pursuit so important to you?
• How do you hope to make a difference through this pursuit?
• What would it look like if you could let go of the negative scripts and stories you tell yourself? Who would you be and how would it feel?
• If you could speak to the part of yourself filled with fear, judgment, or harsh criticism, what would you say to it to let it know you understand why it is present in your life?

It’s not necessary to answer all these questions, but picking a few and writing your thoughts down in a journal can create more insight and freedom in your mind. This is an important step toward better managing negative stories and scripts. With consistency, we can learn to navigate our internal voice to bring out our best when it matters most.

How Can I Sideline My Negative Inner Critic?

This process isn’t about killing the part of us that creates negative stories and scripts. Instead, it’s about revealing and accepting this part through non-judgment and curiosity. Understanding what this part is trying to teach us is a huge step in the right direction.

A metaphor I use, learned from NY Times best-selling author Brené Brown, is to acknowledge our inner critic and not push it away. Instead, we can sideline it, letting it know it’s allowed to be present but will not dictate our possibilities or allow us to be overcome with fear or negative emotions. We can let this part observe us from the sidelines or the seats of the arena, minimizing its impact. Visualizing this part separated from us on the playing field, in the boardroom, on the stage or during a presentation and imagining it on the sidelines is a great way to create the space needed for freedom from it. 

Setting Intentions to Overcome Disempowering Stories

Setting specific intentions with precision and clarity is crucial. Once we accept that our negative internal voice is holding us back and have learned to tame it, we can set important intentions. This is the next step in the process. Here are some examples based on different scenarios I’ve seen:

Scenario #1: Person A realizes their internal narrative makes them feel their thoughts don’t matter. They understand this is based on past experiences in their life. They want to share their valuable ideas with their team but often hold back due to fear of judgment or criticism.

Intention: In the next week, I intend to speak up more in meetings to share my thoughts and ideas even if fear sets in.

Scenario #2: Person B often underperforms in sports competitions due to intense pressure and fear of letting others down. They also experience deep fear when thinking about making mistakes that might cause them to perform poorly in competition and be judged harshly by others. 

Intention: In my next match, I intend to be as present as possible, rather than worrying about what others will think of me while I’m competing.

Scenario #3: Person C feels nervous when presenting their work, stemming from early humiliating experiences when speaking in public. 

Intention: In my next presentation, I intend to take conscious breaths to slow down the pace at which I am talking, especially if I feel nervous or judged by others.

Scenario #4: Person D has issues expressing their honest thoughts and feelings, often making light of their emotions.

Intention: In my next difficult conversation with a colleague, I will share my thoughts as honestly as I can even if fear sets in.

Scenario #5: Person E fears authority and hesitates to offer feedback to managers, despite its importance.

Intention: In my next difficult conversation with a manager, I intend to share what is really going on for me even if I’m nervous.

Scenario #6: Person F, an accomplished leader, struggles with trust and letting go of control due to past experiences. They understand the importance of seeking feedback for their own growth and learning from those who they lead, but rarely take action on gathering such feedback. They struggle with making themselves vulnerable and have become extremely defensive when critical feedback has been presented to them in the past. With declining morale in the workplace, they know they need the courage to take action on gathering the authentic feedback needed to improve their leadership. 

Intention: Over the next few months, I intend to find out what I need to do more of or less of in my leadership role to be more impactful.

Reflecting on Intentions

Reflecting on the extent to which we’ve followed through on our intentions is vital. Using a scale of 1-10 (1 = not even close, 10 = above and beyond), we can assess our progress. Here are examples:

Scenario #1: Intention: Speak up more in meetings. Reflection: On a scale of 1-10, to what extent did you speak up more in meetings over the past week? Why did you choose that number? How can you continue to improve?

Scenario #2: Intention: Be as present as possible in a competition. Reflection: On a scale of 1-10, to what extent were you present in your competition? Why did you choose that number? How can you continue to improve?

Scenario #3: Intention: Take conscious breaths during a presentation. Reflection: On a scale of 1-10, to what extent did you create breath pauses during your presentation? Why did you choose that number? How can you continue to improve?

Scenario #4: Intention: Share honest thoughts during a difficult conversation. Reflection: On a scale of 1-10, to what extent did you share your thoughts honestly? Why did you choose that number? How can you continue to improve?

Scenario #5: Intention: Share what is really going on with a manager. Reflection: On a scale of 1-10, to what extent did you share your thoughts with your manager? Why did you choose that number? How can you continue to improve?

Scenario #6: Intention: Seek genuine feedback for growth in leadership. Reflection: On a scale of 1-10, to what extent did you take action on getting feedback? Why did you choose that number? How can you continue to improve?

Wrapping Up

In summary, I hope this article provides insight into how you might better navigate your negative inner critic. It’s human nature to doubt ourselves and our abilities. When we’re not showing up in ways that honor our true talents, specific strategies can help us.

This process is not about demolishing our inner critic but befriending it and learning to grapple with it positively, allowing our true talents to shine through.

Thank you for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in calming your inner critic. Feel free to connect with me for a conversation. You can also find my Run Your Life Podcast here where I discuss many of the things I've written about in this article, hope you tune in.