Self-Doubt Or Humble Confidence...The Choice Is Yours
I can remember being an Ob/Gyn intern and looking at the chief residents in awe, thinking to myself, I will never feel that confident doing anything. The thought of surgery steps, cervical cancer screening guidelines, medication dosages and steps to stopping a postpartum hemorrhage all being second nature to me seemed so foreign. I honestly thought that I might end up being in residency forever. That's how we are supposed to feel as interns, though.
In medical training, we are constantly taught to not overstep. We are told to "fake it til you make it", but not to be overly confident. We are told that mistakes sometimes mean life or death and that perfection is the standard. At the same time, we are constantly compared to our peers in a variety of ways; our grades, our patient interactions, our procedural skills, our ability to take constructive criticism and our work ethic.
Ultimately, I did graduate from residency in the appropriate 4 years, and I landed my dream job in a private practice in my home state. Despite the fact that I did have the knowledge of surgical steps, cervical cancer screening guidelines, medication dosages and steps to stopping a postpartum hemorrhage, I did not have the confidence of an attending physician.
I was stuck in self-doubt. My mindset did not keep up with my new job title as attending physician. All of my experience and training up to that point seemed meaningless when it came to me being the sole attending Ob/Gyn in charge of all obstetric and gynecologic emergencies in a 24 hour period. So, I tried to quit.
I googled for months how to leave medicine and find other non-clinical jobs that would help me pay back my student loan debt. I found nothing. I was overwhelmed, anxious and completely crippled by my self-doubt.
As luck would have it, I had just had my second daughter and was starting my postpartum weight loss journey. Through the shift of my mindset to achieve a 50 pound weight loss, I also learned the skills necessary for me to conquer my self-doubt once and for all. Here is what I learned.
- Get unstuck: Take an honest look at where you are in your life and how you got there. Compare that to where you want to go in the future.
- Stop lying to yourself: Figure out the difference between the facts in your life and the stories that your brain is telling you.
- Kick imposter syndrome to the curb: Imposter syndrome (and similar limiting beliefs) is part of the human condition. Realize it has nothing to do with you and stop letting it hold you back.
- Stop living reactively: Create an intentional life by having tangible and measurable goals. Without goals, you are just reacting to the desires of those around you and ignoring your own.
I spent 2 years learning these things and implementing these steps into my life. It was worth every second. The fact is that I made the choice to stop doubting myself. I continue to make that choice every day. There is nothing special about me. Defeating self-doubt is available to everyone. Does it take practice and commitment? Absolutely. Does it require self-love? 100%.
A word about humble confidence. This just happens to be my personal preference when it comes to confidence. It means that I am confident in the person that I am today, with complete awareness and acceptance of my flaws and imperfections. It means that I am a work in progress and growth is my goal. It means that I am no better or worse than anyone else.
Ultimately, it means that I am living my life on purpose and recognize the importance of everyone else doing the same.
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