Strategies for Managing Disappointment in Leadership

A few weeks ago, I shared a post about the power of our self-stories—our self-narratives—and how they impact our work. The article explored the patterns, purposes, and possibilities for creating change in these narratives. Today, I want to focus on a particular storyline that have been emerging in my conversations with clients lately: the disillusionment we feel when our leaders don’t behave in a way that we agree with.

Before we continue, I want to preface that your feelings are valid. This isn’t about becoming the type of person who shouldn’t feel disappointed in their leadership. It’s about knowing how to navigate those feelings so that it doesn’t impact your mental health, your work, and your relationships. And it’s also taking a closer look at what is creating these feelings and reaction.

The Common Storyline

There can be this unconscious, but very common, belief that those above us in the company—our bosses or senior leaders—should embody the company values and ideals of leadership. That they should essentially be the hero we look to do “the right thing” when times are good or bad. When they fail to meet these standards, it can feel like a personal letdown, shaking our confidence in the organisation and our place within it.

While these expectations may feel logical, it's important to examine their origin and understand their impact on our work and well-being.

The Impact of Disappointment

When leaders fall short of our expectations we can feel disappointed, disillusioned, and we may even question our place and values within the organisation. 

This disappointment can lead to feelings of frustration and disagreement, which can manifest negatively in our actions, behaviors, and decisions. Instead of voicing our opinions, we may sit back quietly and let the conversation swirl around us.

While we might place the blame on leaders for making poor decisions - and they might genuinely be poor decisions, this blame game can ultimately hurt us more. It can damage our reputation, credibility, and professional relationships.

Managing Expectations and Disappointment

So, how do we manage these expectations and the disappointment that follows when they aren't met? Here are some strategies:

1. Reflect on Your Expectations

Take a step back and reflect on where your expectations of leadership come from. Are they tied to our definition of leadership? Previous experiences with leadership? Understanding the root of these expectations can help you better understand your disappointment and manage it more effectively.

2. Acknowledge Your Sphere of Influence

Stephen Covey’s concept of the Sphere of Influence is incredibly useful to remind us that when it comes to managing up, all we can really control is our behaviour. Focus on the areas where you can make a difference. This includes your actions, attitudes, emotions and responses. Instead of fixating on what your leaders should be doing, ask yourself what you can do to embody the values and drive the change you want to see.

3. How Can You be the Change You Want to See?

Gandhi’s famous quote, "Be the change you want to see in the world," is a powerful reminder that change starts with us. If you value transparency, integrity, or innovation, demonstrate these qualities in your daily work. By doing so, you set a positive example and contribute to the organizational culture you desire.

Consider Your Options: Accept Your Own Patterns of Behavior

If you find that you continually fall into a pattern of disillusionment with your boss or leadership team, it may be time to ask yourself some tough questions. If the gap between what you find acceptable from your leader and their behavior is too wide, consider the following options:

• Changing Jobs: Sometimes, the best move for your personal and professional growth is to find a new environment that aligns better with your values and aspirations.
• Changing Your Boss: While you can't always choose your boss, seeking internal opportunities under different leadership can sometimes be a viable option.
• Changing Your Approach: Is there a different way to respond? What is it, and how can you experiment and try it out? Reflect on how you might adapt your responses to better align with your goals and values.

Conclusion

It’s important to recognise that disappointment with leadership is common, but it can be a problem when it becomes a pattern. However,  playing the blame game and failing to understand and address our expectations can be counterproductive. It’s essential to reclaim your professional power by focusing on what you can control and making deliberate choices to enhance your own credibility and impact.

Join Our Product Leadership Group Coaching

If you found this discussion on managing disappointment in leadership insightful, join my group coaching beta for product leaders where we'll tackle real-world challenges like these, exploring strategies to enhance your leadership skills, navigate organisational dynamics, and drive meaningful change.

Spaces are limited, and the first session kicks off the week of June 24th. Contact me directly for more details via DM or my website.