Thoughts on (Russian) Gaslighting (and ignorance)

When I was born to—and abandoned by—underaged parents in the USSR I was told by my grandparents that it was normal. I pride myself on being a moderate but I'm sure glad it wasn't too easy to abort me. 

When soon after that I was passed on to the great-grandma, I thought that was also normal. She was a terse WWII Leningrad siege survivor accountant, so there was not much "great" about her but the title. At that time I simply disliked her but later in life I realized that she was still a much better option than my teenage mother. 

When my first memory in life at around three years old was near-drowning and nobody noticed, I also dismissed it as normal, until recently realizing that my breathing problem is due to just that—fear of inhaling water. It's been a lifelong scourge, but without this incident I probably wouldn't appreciate life as much. 

When around the age of seven I was taken to a female bathhouse by my grandma and great-grandma, I remembered the cashier saying, "It's the first and last time." My grandmother still insists it was normal but I remember this being the time I first told myself to start thinking critically. It’s the only antidote to gaslighting. 

When around the same age my grandparents bought little yellow chicklets in the spring and then, in the fall, had me watch them cut their heads off (with the rooster running around headless), they said it was normal but I started realizing that something was off. But it sure didn't kill me if you know what I mean.. 

When in my early teens I was beaten in the school gym—mostly for being a skinny Jew—while the whole class watched, I knew that life was not going to be an easy thing.

But the other reason was that the other half of our prankster duo that honestly deserved a beating was a big Russian guy. The guy who gave me the beating eventually became my lifelong friend. Until he lost his mind, but that's a different Russia story. 

When around the same age I was robbed and beaten at Leningrad's "Palace of Pioneers" party, and the cops knew who the perpetrators were (boxers from the sports department) but all they did was let me know that if I proceeded with the case I would regret it, I knew I did not want to live in that society. 

When I arrived to the US at the age of 16, all the lights were nice but the only thing I recall feeling was relief. I felt that I was finally able to breathe. But that's been increasingly difficult in the past decade amid this American devolution. 

My point here is two-fold. On the one hand, circumstances are never clear-cut and one can never generalize, as a human is often neither a clear product of nature nor nurture. That is why I consider racists, misogynists, chauvinists, ageists, and sexists (in any direction) narrow-minded at best. And while it's unfortunately so easy to change for the worse, people CAN change for the better—if they really wish to, or if their environment forces them to. 

On the other hand, it takes a revolution and years if not decades of pain just FOR A CHANCE for a society to change for the better. The French and the American ones worked; the Russian one didn’t, and 74 years later, Gorbachev wasn't revolutionary enough to make an impact or brave enough to see his through. 

Respectively 105 and 31 years later, nothing and anything is normal in Russia, and I am both sad that it took a war and glad it's finally becoming visible to the civilized world. Misinformation and disinformation were not invented by Putin: they are in Russian blood. Russians believe it’s normal. And they choose to believe what they hear just because it’s easier and their lives are already hard enough. Human rights are only relative: just don’t mess with a bigger fish and you (hopefully) won't lose yours. And others'? It’s easier to live with your eyes turned away (or down) and hope for luck. 

You know those beautiful dancing tropical manakin birds which live in such ideal conditions that they've evolved in amazing ways? Russians are the opposite of that. 

Let US not devolve anywhere close. 

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I've always despised Russia and Putin, but felt sorry for the Russian people. However, while watching a Russian channel recently, I saw an interview with a typical-looking Muscovite, who was asked if he had friends or relatives in Ukraine and what they told him. His response was, "They must be watching the wrong Telegram channels." This ignorance killed in me any remaining sympathy.