The Tools of Oppression

When I was in college I had a good friend whose mother had joined the Mormon church. Her mother joined partially because her father was an alcoholic. My friend embodied her mother's conviction that alcohol was evil. If alcohol was mentioned or in a television show, and my friend was around, you could be certain of a comment or a lecture on its destructive nature.

This was in the early days of the internet. I watched as this same friend became more and more addicted to the internet. She skipped social engagements, classes, and sometimes even church activities to play games and chat on the internet. My friend lost several friendships and failed that semester of school. Without touching a drop of alcohol, she experienced many of the consequences her mother sought to avoid by joining a church that would remove alcohol from her life and the lives of her children.

This illustrates for me the risk of associating the tool of destruction with the form of destruction. Many people drink alcohol with little issue and no poor effect. Many people use the internet with little issue and no poor effect. The tool is a neutral item. Addiction is when our desire for or commitment to that tool interferes with our ability to function effectively in our lives. If my friend had been able to see that it was her grandfather's addiction to alcohol that caused his family's pain and suffering, she might have been more aware of her addictive tendencies. My friend may even have been able to hear when I, and several of her other friends, came to her with our concerns. Because only alcohol could lead to destruction in her universe, it was far more difficult for her to see the destruction she was creating in her life.

Similarly, I am concerned when I see people seek to end oppression by wielding the tools of oppression. I have had colleagues and associates dismiss the humanity of people who are different than them. I have done it myself. There was a time when I felt that man bashing was okay. I didn't even really think about it. And then my college boyfriend called me out on it. I was horrified to realize that I was completely comfortable talking about men as if they were less than.

It is easy to blame men for the struggles women face. And an objective view of what is happening shows that men do have privileges they instinctively enact that create barriers for women in a variety of ways and situations. That is happening. Saying that men also deserve to be treated with respect for their humanity is not saying there aren't inequities. Saying that men also deserve to be treated with respect for their humanity is not saying there aren't ways they need to be accountable for their impact.

I want a better world for all of us- for my children, for women, for people of color, for immigrants, for transpeople, for the homeless, for the disabled. And I know with everything that I am that we will not achieve it by demeaning other people's children, or men, or white people, or citizens, or cis people, or those with homes and wealth, or able bodied people.

To acknowledge the humanity of others is an essential step in creating a new and better world for all of us. Social justice as a movement must include this as a foundational aspect of our work. Doing so does not mean ignoring injustice, accountability, and privilege. I can see someone as human and respect their dignity and also insist they be accountable for their impact.

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