What I learned running 48 miles in 48 hours

I recently completed the 4 x 4 x 48 challenge.

What is the 4 x 4 x 48 challenge?!

The 4 x 4 x 48 challenge is a fitness challenge created by David Goggins, a retired Navy SEAL and ultra-endurance athlete. It involves running 4 miles every 4 hours for a total of 48 hours, which equates to 48 miles in total. Each run must be completed within a 4-hour window, with the remaining time used for rest and recovery.

Designed to test a person's physical and mental endurance and ability to push through pain, fatigue, and discomfort. Athletes and fitness enthusiasts often take it on as a way to challenge themselves and go beyond their limits.

I don't know that I would consider myself an athlete; I run but am not coordinated and therefore have many stories of injuries. I don't consider myself a fitness enthusiast; I work out regularly. Still, if I was blessed with better metabolism, I'd opt for more sleep in days. 

When I work out, either strength training as of late or running, it is my meditation. So it serves its purpose for me in the way of connecting with the real me. The soul me. 

Why would you even do the challenge?!

I wasn't vocal about the fact that I would undertake this challenge because of the big question I received when I did. 'But why?!'

All I found myself thinking and saying is, why not? 

It's worth mentioning that my husband and kids also joined me in the challenge. And before I get canceled for inducing an intense physical challenge on my kids, know they are 17 and 19 and work out obsessively.

When I got all three of the men in my life to agree to run the challenge with me, at that point, how could I say no?!

I selected the date to coincide with spring break so my kids would have recovery time, took time off, mapped out trails, and set the schedule. 

Now I will not take you run by run. I'll give you the TL; DR. 

• My family made it to 16 miles.
• I finished all 48 miles.
• I could not run the last one, but I walked faster than I'd ever walked. Picture the zombies in season 1 of The Walking Dead. Zombie-like but still with a bit of pep in their step

Running 32 miles by yourself gives you a lot of time to think. And in those miles, I answered the question 'But why?!' that I was getting from people. Because I needed to find me again. 

I felt compelled to do something insane and accomplish it, despite hurt and challenge, to prove to myself that I was capable.

Because if I am being honest - and 48 miles will make you get honest with yourself - over the last few months, doubt - which is a cousin of imposter syndrome - was creeping in. I began to question my decisions, which likely did not inspire confidence in those who relied on my leadership. And knowing that crushed me. 

I aspire to be someone who leaves the world a better place, even if only in small ways. I aim to be a leader who motivates and contributes to my team's personal and professional growth. I want to be a positive influence and role model to my children, so they seek to surround themselves with the people I aspire to and aim to be. 

So what did I learn?

I learned that my voice lives in the quiet. Sometimes it's quiet - which is unusual because if you know me outside of print, I am anything but quiet. That faint voice kept saying, 'You Can.'

Those two words reverberated in my brain with every step I took. And it's not that the voice got louder 'cause it didn't. 

The statements of doubt like...

"Why would they listen to you."

"Maybe you don't know what you're doing."

"They'll never see you."

"What value are you bringing to the table."

And honestly, so many more. Insert all of the negative statements you tell yourself. 

Especially if you're reading this and you identify as a woman in business, have kids, are married or have a partner, are trying to climb the ladder, etc.

These are the voices that were taking up residence in my brain. And the sad part is that they were all my voice. So imagine my surprise to hear "You Can" amongst all those other voices. With every step, "You Can" started taking the place of everything else rolling around in my head. Eventually, the words took up the space of a stadium. I'm talking Taylor Swift Era tour levels of audio were beating my eardrums. 

And that started happening every leg I started. Until eventually, "You Can" became "You Did It" (with a little bit of "I told you" so because my sarcasm has no boundaries).

What I learned is that sometimes I am my worst enemy. I don't treat myself with the same kindness that I expect from others. And more importantly, that the world is going to beat you down. It will test your resolve throughout your existence; why give them gloves to help?

The answer is simple. Don't.

I have a supportive family, loving friends, and colleagues that I would be honored to work with time and time again. It took 48 miles in 48 hours to realize that I was the only one not believing in myself. 

I'm writing this because it's cathartic. And honestly, if I needed to learn or be reminded of that lesson, I realize that I am not unique enough - I mean that with kindness - to be the only one feeling this way. 

So for whoever needs to read this. You Can and You Will.