What just happened?

Before the cold weather sets in, I start most of my days by taking my dog for a walk. There is something about being in my neighborhood just as the world is waking up—garage doors slowly opening, early morning runners getting in their miles before heading off to the train, kids heading to bus stops with full backpacks and lunchboxes…it serves as a reminder that each day is like turning the page to a fresh piece of notebook paper. 

This year, my winter hiatus seemed to last a bit longer than usual—not because of the cold, snowy weather, but because life got too busy—I got too stressed—I got too lazy. I had a million excuses for why I couldn’t get up just 30 minutes earlier—or push meetings back 30 minutes later—to get this morning walk on the schedule. And the more I prolonged the walk, the easier it became to stop doing it. The guilt subsided, the dog adjusted to the new routine, our mornings officially changed. 

And then we were hit with a pandemic.

Even with all the talk about stocking up and getting ready to “hunker down,” I still felt a bit blindsided. With every school closing and event postponement, it felt like the walls around me were closing in, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop the onslaught of bad, life-changing news. And although technology is what would make this time more bearable—with our video meetings and shared document capabilities—it also was making me more panicked. The information seemed to be flowing through my news feeds at a pace that made it too overwhelming to sort fact from opinion. 

I worried about everyone and everything—wearing other people’s hurt and concerns like a metal jacket of my own. I felt both emotionally and physically heavy and started to shut down. On the first weekend of our “new normal,” I slept for more than 12 hours each day…12 hours! Although I could argue that a particularly tough February schedule had left me a little sleep deprived, I knew my excessive sleep was a result of current life circumstances. After all, who would want to wake up to all of this?

I went through my days in a fog, just doing the tasks that needed to get done so I could curl up and go to bed. And then, this meme came across my social media feed:

While there were so many things happening in this world that I could not control, all of the things on this list I could—starting with #1: Get outdoors. 

The next morning, I grabbed the dog leash, and we headed out into our neighborhood. Although there wasn’t near as much activity as before, the world was still waking up around me, and for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, I felt like I had turned the page to a fresh piece of notebook paper…so full of opportunity, so full of hope. 

Perhaps that is what I had been missing all along.

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