Why imposter syndrome persists despite praise (and how to beat it)

There's a common experience many of us have had: getting praised by a manager or respected figure, but somehow not feeling fully satisfied by it. Or receiving lots of likes and comments on a social media post, but still feeling like something is missing. What's going on here?

I think it comes down to a lack of shared understanding. When praise comes from those above us or far removed from our daily work, it often lacks the depth that comes from truly understanding what we do. No matter how well-meaning, their approval can feel superficial.

Feedback from peers, on the other hand, carries a different weight. Research shows that we're more likely to take feedback to heart when it comes from those we see as similar to us. There's a certain power in the understanding that comes from shared experience. When someone has faced the same challenges and knows the ins and outs of our work, their validation just means more.

A coworker who's spent hours looking over your code is going to appreciate the cleverness of your solution in a way a manager might not. A peer in your field who knows the careful research that went into your insights is going to value them more than casual social media followers.

This difference matters a lot when it comes to imposter syndrome. That nagging sense of being a fraud, despite outward success, feeds on the gap between external validation and internal self-doubt. Praise from those who don't really understand what we do is all too easy to brush off. "If they really knew," the voice of self-doubt whispers, "they'd see I'm not so special."

But validation from a peer who truly gets it is much harder to ignore. When someone who intimately understands what we're up against looks at our work and sees its worth, it's powerfully affirming. It's not just a compliment, but a clear-eyed recognition of the value of what we've done.

This is why surrounding ourselves with people who deeply understand our work is so important. Not just for the ego boosts, but for the moments when we're doubting ourselves and need to hear "I know how hard this is, and you're doing it right" from someone who grasps the full context.

Imposter syndrome may shrug off praise from on high, but it has a harder time standing up to sincere appreciation from someone who's walked the same path. There's a special power in the quiet approval of those who know, through and through, what our work involves. That's the endorsement that sticks.

Next time external validation rings a bit hollow, seek out the approval that comes with true understanding. The best remedy for imposter syndrome isn't the spotlight, but the respect of those who know the weight and worth of what you do.

As you navigate your career, take a moment to consider who in your circle really understands your work and whose opinions you value most. Are you seeking validation in the right places? Make it a priority to nurture those relationships, and in turn, you'll find that the praise you receive will carry more weight—and perhaps, the voice of self-doubt will quiet down.