You Are Not Alone in Grieving the Loss of Your Job

Many of us have had the experience over the years of losing a job. Whether it was from downsizing, cutbacks or a global pandemic most of us have had to regroup and get back out there to find our next career.

But when we retire many of us are not expecting to feel that same sense of loss. After we have been working towards retirement for our whole adult live it should be exciting right?

Grieving the loss of your career in retirement is a natural and common experience.

While we enjoy that rush of complete freedom for the first couple of months, many of us soon realize that we have actually lost some things too.

No one wants to talk about this aspect of retirement.

When we leave our job, we are also losing:

• Our sense of identity and purpose
• Our daily routine and structure
• Our social connections
• Our sense of achievement and status

The uncertainty of what comes next can be daunting.

These feelings of loss and grief are normal and should not be ignored. It will take time to work through this transition and emerge into your new life.

But this is a transition - that feeling of loss won't last forever.

Part of the excitement in retirement is the process of replacing our career with other activities that provide the same positives (social connections, sense of purpose, achievement) and less of the boring activities (meaningless meetings, endless emails, stress etc.)

Coping with the Transition

Working through the transition as you identify new activities and define your new lifestyle will take some time. Here are some tips to help you through the process:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Understand that it's normal to grieve and give yourself permission to feel these emotions.
2. Find New Purpose: Engage in activities that provide a sense of purpose, such as volunteering, hobbies, or part-time work.
3. Create a Routine: Establish a new daily routine to bring structure to your days and a weekly routine can be helpful too.
4. Stay Connected: Maintain social connections through community groups, clubs, or staying in touch with former colleagues.
5. Set Goals: Set personal goals to achieve new milestones and create a sense of accomplishment.
6. Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a counselor about your feelings. Support groups for retirees can also be helpful.

As you work through the transition it is important to be thoughtful about the things you choose to do. Being busy isn't the same as being productive or feeling a sense of purpose.

Getting Started

One of the first things I do with my clients is to have them identify their values. I use the Think2perform website, but there are other options. The important part is to understand what you value most so that you can make the choices that align with those values.

A next step is to identify 1 activity that you are curious about or perhaps even passionate about. Ideally eventually you will have 3 or 4 of these activities, but changes are easier when they come in small steps. Choose 1 to start with.

When learning about this activity focus on ways to participate that align with your values. For example, I have recently learned how to dive. One of my values is helping others and I consider myself something of an environmentalist. So, I have found a local diving group that takes trips to various lakes in the state to clean up the bottom of the lake. Another example is my husband who loves to garden. He is checking into the different aspects of gardening in our community - local groups and master gardeners.

There is no rush to get involved and it may not work out. That is the best part of retirement - you can then choose to stop doing that thing. The important aspect is to start. Be careful not to agree to participate in something just because you are bored. Verify that activity aligns with your values and personality - then make a decision.

The third step I recommend is to look closely at your social network. Aging is not for the faint of heart and building a support network is an important part of supporting your mental health. For those that have connections exclusively through work it is important to identify 1 or 2 existing relationships to work on. Again, change works best when done in small steps. For those lucky enough to already have relationships outside of work retirement can be the opportunity to expand those friendships.

Retirement is not a date in time, though that is often how we look at it. Retirement is a phase of life. This is a big transition and there will be bumps along the road.

Give yourself time and grace to work through those bumps and you will build a life filled with purpose and passion.