It was a great battle. You probably heard about it already, so why go on about it here?

There once was a man who thought, one day, on a lark, while looking at a lark - he was looking out of the window and there it was, a well-built lark with a dirty mind and a filthy mouth - that maybe he should write some very short stories and publish them in a land very far from his own land, which was California, which has a ludicrous man as its governor.

I'm sitting on the couch, and your toddler has one foot on my stomach and the other on my left clavicle.

"I'll say goodbye before I leave," Jim said. "No need," said Bob, "let's just say goodbye now. You're leaving so early, and I'll be asleep."

There once was a man named Gerard, who lived in Greece and who was even more frightening and sinister-looking than the new pope.

Two cousins were travelling through Montana, and were rightfully astounded by the grandeur of the state, which is beautiful in hundreds of places, always living up to its name, which was taken from a novel by Vonnegut.

This happened on the fourth day. The fish, all 1,200 of them who were journeying overland in that famous journey you have read about, were pulled over by a police officer driving a motorcycle

Dave Eggers: Why do all the bears of North America dislike EM Forster? And they expect me to have all the answers. Just because I hang out with some bears sometimes. It's messed up. I don't know.

You all get out of your cars. You are alone in yours, and there are three teenagers in theirs, an older Camaro in new condition. The accident was your fault, and you walk over to tell them this.

She is thinking about pain. In one day, she has suffered two kinds: at noon she received news of a horrific sort of betrayal, and at 4.30 she dropped a barbell on her foot.

There were two couples, who knew each other because one half of one couple had dated one half of the other.

There is a housefly named Matthias, and he will never die.

News from America: fecal matter has been voted the most popular new term of 2005.

Billy Bragg And Egon Schiele.

The man, mid-40s and named Billy, has just read in the newspaper that Dolly Parton has turned 57 years old and, with that, his morning and day and night and week are ruined.

Dave Eggers: Derrick didn't want to jinx it, so he wasn't over-thinking it. He left the bar 10 minutes ago to get his wallet from his friend's car, and on the way back, this guy spoke to him.