So, you want to know what's really going on at Wednesday, but it feels like everywhere you look there are bland statements and half truths that say: "Keep your fingers out of our business matey!" Well not to worry, 'cos here's a handy War Of The Monster Trucks guide to understanding Hillsborough speak. Don't leave for the game without it!

You should never go back. That's what Mark Lawrenson and Alan Hansen always tell us. However when it came to Southend and the return of David Webb to Roots Hall, I rashly cast their words aside amid the europhia. Southend were 'different' and therefore things would be OK.

So Stoke-on-Trent is bottom of the league table for "most desirable place to live", eh? Mmm, so Derby's up there in fifth, eh? And what was that, the bloke responsible for these findings had a business that didn't do too well located in the Potteries?