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Adult learner

A millennial’s attempts to grow up, one skill at a time 

  • Hand in a jar of biscuits

    There is no destination called adult. Adulthood is a scam, a lie, a myth

    For my final column, my biggest lesson yet: there is no model, there is only trying
  • A jazzy drawing of Garfield, the 1970s cartoon cat

    Which posters to tack up on my walls? It depends on who I am today

    Our spaces are museums to ourselves. The pictures I hang reveal the versions of myself I want to express to the world
  • Swimmers with trainer in a pool

    Slipping into a faster lane at the pool is a rush that never gets old

    It’s taken me four years, but now I slide under that lane divider like a VIP hopping past a club’s red velvet rope
  • Woman having her nails painted with mauve polish

    DIY beauty seemed a good idea, but it’s harder than it looks

    Could I learn to be my own manicurist? Or would the brain strain be too much?
  • Cricket bat and red leather ball background

    I need a sport to call my own. Can I teach myself to be a cricket fan?

    I grew up with cricket in my family background and love the pleasing thud of leather on willow – now I just need the knowledge
  • Aloe vera plant in ceramic pot

    I have tried everything, but my houseplant just isn’t happy

    ‘You can do all the right things but it just doesn’t happen. That’s life,’ says the nice man at the garden centre
  • Woman showing her teeth with braces

    I’m bracing myself for some adult orthodontics

    As someone who loves to wear a face mask, this is a great time to take my dentist’s advice and get my crooked smile fixed
  • shopping cart and heart on white background. Isolated 3D illustration

    I thought I was immune to taboos, but then I tried money talk

    When I attempted to tell a good friend how much I had in my account, I felt my skin go cold
  • Vegetarian Pizza On A Green Background

    I thought I was the only one who secretly enjoyed the frazzled aftermath of a big night out

    When I’m hungover, I’m so busy finding everything hilarious that worries about chores go out the window
  • Tarot card draw isolated on white background

    I’ve always scoffed at superstition – but will the tarot have the last laugh?

    Some might say the cards are divine. I say they are a Rorschach test
  • Shushing emoticon

    They say millennials like to write rather than call. So why did it take me five months to draft an email?

    There will always be a gap between how a message is sent and how it is received, and trying to change that with emojis is madness
  • A raspberry on a branch

    There are berries on our bush, and I can just take them… for free!

    People chuckle at my sense of wonder, but there are few delights as big as childlike discovery and it is a gift to experience it
  • A yard sale sign with a box of sale items at a residential home.

    I adore secondhand shopping, but my neighbours’ yard sales made me nervous

    As a child, I made the embarrassing discovery that buying other people’s clothes close to home has its drawbacks
  • Waves splashing on shore during storm

    I had a brilliantly bad holiday in the wettest May on record

    Fun takes commitment – you have to work at it, even on a family break in the rain
  • Moving boxes

    We’ve moved house, but every purchase feels fraught with indecision

    This ‘new chapter’ seems to mostly involve arguing about what to buy. What’s wrong with trial and error?
  • Bridal and bridesmaids flags on lace wedding veil

    At last, I’m going to be a bridesmaid – nothing can dampen my excitement

    Bring on the pointless parties and the ‘sausage chic’ dress. I will fulfil my duties with aplomb
  • Chocolate eclair

    Staying up late, that extra eclair – sometimes there is virtue in a vice

    Could it be that my boyfriend’s refusal to go to bed at a sensible time is a vital act of self-destruction that keeps him going?
  • Golden horn over white background

    I still haven’t fully mastered the English language – but then, who has?

    It’s just too big and ever-changing. Besides, it’s in the mistakes that magic happens
  • Tickets Sold Out sign

    ‘Fully booked’ reminds us that we’re not all that unique after all

    I can’t get a pub bench, a lido swim or a lunchtime mani – but there’s something refreshing about being reminded of how similar we can be
  • Pink metal-rimmed sunglasses

    Hurray, I can meet people! Now, when can I get some alone time?

    Could it be that I, a committed extrovert who talks to strangers, had become an introvert during the pandemic?
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