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Ask Philippa

Every week Philippa Perry addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Philippa, please send your problem to askphilippa@guardian.co.uk. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions

  • Close-up Of A Man Holding Empty Pocket With His Hand<br>KC65W5 Close-up Of A Man Holding Empty Pocket With His Hand

    I’m a failure and in debt. And now my partner is pregnant

    See yourself as part of something bigger, both in your relationship and at work. Come clean with your partner about your debt and throw yourself into your job
  • Keir Stamer talking

    My in-laws think Keir Starmer is ‘an idiot’. Should I pick a fight?

    Don’t fall out with these people who, apart from their political views, you really appreciate
  • Illustration showing good and bad mood on a woman by representing it with thunderstorm or sun above her

    Why am I so angry when I’m with my mother?

    When you eventually experience her as a fully separate person from you, this will feel easier
  • Prince William, King Charles, Queen Camilla and Prime Minister Rishi Sunak with his wife Akshata Murty applaud at a D-Day event in Portsmouth

    Marina Hyde on Sunak and class, my parachute failed at at 4,000ft, my gaming-addicted son, and a new approach to quitting smoking – podcast

    Marina Hyde on poor Rishi, who had to go without a Sky subscription as a teenager; Chris Godfrey spent a decade trying to quit smoking, then he tried hypnotherapy and it changed his life; when Jordan Hatmaker pulled the string of her parachute, she realised something was very wrong; and ‘My grownup son is gaming all day and lives on takeaways’ - Philippa Perry offers advice to a mother
  • Teenage,Boy,In,A,Bedroom,Listening,To,Music,Through,His<br>Teenage boy in a bedroom listening to music through his smartphone; Shutterstock ID 1090254734; purchase_order: -; job: -; client: -; other: -

    My grownup son is gaming all day and lives on takeaways

    You may be too much in the parent role, forcing him into the child role
  • Posed by model Rear View Of Man Working From Home On Computer In Home Office Stretching At Desk

    Why do I keep falling in love with totally unavailable people?

    There may be unfinished business from your infancy or early childhood that you are trying to conclude by longing for something unobtainable
  • Guardian Blind Daters: Deej and Naomi

    A Guardian Blind Date happy ending, the boy who fled the Nazis, and Philippa Perry’s advice on an alcoholic father – podcast

    The Guardian lockdown love story that ended in ‘I do’; the incredible story of Maxwell Smart, who lost his family in the Holocaust at 10 and avoided detection from the Nazis for two years; and Philippa Perry advises a reader not to invite his alcoholic father to his wedding.
  • Bride and groom statuetes for a wedding cake top<br>Mandatory Credit: Photo by Sari Gustafsson / Rex Features ( 633293b )
 A wedding cake top with a bride dragging the groom
 Bride and groom statuetes for a wedding cake top

    I don’t want to invite my alcoholic dad to my wedding

    Trust your gut instinct about not having him there. The shame that is creeping in may be about pressure to conform
  • The,Journey,Of,A,Thousand,Miles,Begins,With,A,Single<br>The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step quote and girl going far away by dirty country road; Shutterstock ID 375538585; purchase_order: -; job: -; client: -; other: -

    I have a dream job and family, but I really want to write novels

    Get up very early in the morning and just write. You will make mistakes but learn from them. Don’t be in a hurry and keep taking small steps
  • Couple holding piles of laundry

    My husband finds life easy, and ‘corrects’ me because I don’t

    Your brain is wired to need order to feel safe, he should respect that
  • Woman on the Morning Walk in the Nature Playing with Young Kooikerhondje Dog Throwing him a Ball

    I’m worried my new partner won’t love who I really am

    Try to steer your focus to what you want rather than what you think you should be
  • Bare human steps<br>Steps of bare human feet on wet sand of sea beach

    I have no children and have started to fear for my legacy. What can I do?

    Legacy can be found in the lives you touch and your impact on others
  • Sofie Hagen portrait

    Comedian Sofie Hagen on eight years of celibacy, the £5 coffee is coming, and Philippa Perry offers advice on reconnecting with a sibling – podcast

    A flat white can set you back £5.19 in London – but should we swallow it?; Sofie Hagen loves sex – so why has it been 3,089 days since she’s had any?; and psychotherapist and Observer columnist Philippa Perry addresses a reader’s personal problem

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  • Senior woman sitting on the bench<br>Lonely senior woman is sitting on the bench in park

    I’ve lost contact with my brother. Is it too late to reach out?

    We can get into the habit of thinking about our sibling with judgment and criticism
  • African,Man,Counselor,Therapist,Coach,Psychologist,Speak,At,Group,Counseling<br>African man counselor therapist coach psychologist speak at group counseling therapy session concept encourage support patients in addiction talk share problem sit in circle in rehab, close up view; Shutterstock ID 1477336916; purchase_order: April 28th Observer Magazine; job: therapy; client: Guardian Observer; other:

    As an immigrant I’m undervalued, and my wife has no sympathy

    You’re in a difficult situation. I know it won’t be easy, but don’t be too proud to seek help
  • Senior Woman with Walker in a Care Home<br>A senior woman walking down a corridor with the assistance of a walker. view from rear

    I was abused as a child, but now my mother needs care

    Manage your mum’s care from a distance, says Philippa Perry. Don’t get sucked into her orbit
  • Disloyal man walking with his girlfriend and looking amazed at another seductive girl<br>F1M150 Disloyal man walking with his girlfriend and looking amazed at another seductive girl

    My partner ogles other women and it makes me feel unattractive

    It’s not a petty problem, says Philippa Perry, because your feelings matter
  • Tired Entrepreneur<br>A female entrepreneur and businesswoman is working on her start up company in her office. She has fallen asleep at the office with her head on her desk. Empty coffee cups are on the table.

    My clingy colleague has bought a house almost next door

    He should have talked about this before moving in, says Philippa Perry. I’m on amber alert here…
  • Cute,Biracial,Baby,Boy,Asleep,On,Father's,Chest<br>Cute biracial baby boy asleep on father's chest; Shutterstock ID 122222899; purchase_order: OM - philippa; job: OM - philippa; client: The Observer; other:

    I never wanted kids, but now my partner is pregnant

    Give yourself time, it’s difficult to form a bond until you’ve met a baby
  • Woman in brown dungarees carrying a cardboard box

    Everything’s fine but somehow I feel I can never settle

    What is it in you that is so difficult to sit with, asks Philippa Perry
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