If licking your own face appeals you’ve got the lolly, why not splash out on a sugary approximation of your own face on a stick?

Add one of these heavy metal nuggets to your cooking water to suffuse the liquid with enough iron to stave off anaemia – and you can help the world’s poor at the same time

This steel furnace isn’t for purists, but it produces celestial results. Just be careful your base doesn’t turn into a volcanic ash Frisbee

There is no temperature dial, no app-enabled extra content, no Bluetooth egg wash function – but the results are good all the same

For an authentic castaway experience in your own home, buy a coconut from Asda and hack it open with this machete-like tool

This roti-making robot creaks and clanks as it mixes, kneads, rolls and cooks dough, before shooting the resultant flatbreads out of a letterbox

This ring doughnut-shaped mug is arguably clever. In practice, the teabag glowers in the corner and the front is hard to drink from. And as for the back …

Probably no one is crying out for a garlic shucker in the shape of a giant piece of pasta. Nevertheless, if you’re determined to peel garlic without touching it, this is for you

This looks like a clutch bag for meat, and left my house smelling like Gloucester Old Spot for a week

While the aluminium pods seem like harbingers of the death of the Earth, the coffee is so good you’ll never need go out for java again

This tool is more efficient than a spoon, but has a distinct air of melon-choly. Does anyone really need a melon-aid?

This electric grinder makes you feel like a demigod – and dispatches your manual efforts to the pestle and mortuary

This week’s beer pongy offering is so squarely aimed at freshers, it could be boxed with a metric tonne of pasta. But it does make the place feel cosy

The rubber seals are a pleasure, but the design is too rustic and dates will only take you so far, as Tinder users will attest

This plastic shaping tool lets you alter a radish until it resembles a fly agaric mushroom

This plastic pipe – a vape for food, essentially – is supposed to stop you snacking, but doesn’t; it just makes you look like a monkey eating a lipstick

This macho filter is sworn to protect you from waterborne impurities and soften H₂O, too. But what if you’re a fan of the hard stuff?

This ludicrous flap of rubber folds inside your pan to trap splatters. Or you could have more fun using it as a megaphone to announce its ugliness

Most of the settings on this egg cooker work perfectly well, but the watery bolus produced by its ‘eggspert’ setting is unforgiveable

Hot-stone cooking just got saltier and more ostentatious: this natural block makes an ideal grilling surface, but it’s like having a nuclear rod in the house