Secret diary of Tom Meltzer aged 22
'You could write a good toilet-humour book'
I'm ill and Nigel tries to cheer me up. It doesn't work
I'm not a burglar!
My girlfriend has locked me inside her flat. I've got to get out. But how?
What's wrong with sitting down in the shower?
It seemed quite normal to me – until my flatmates freaked out, says Tom Meltzer
I give my girlfriend an unusual birthday present
After a night at the pub, I treat her to her favourite snack . . . By Tom Meltzer
What's wrong with what I wear?
The relationship is only a month old, but already my girlfriend is worried about my clothes, says Tom Meltzer
Have I missed my calling as an estate agent?
The phone keeps ringing. Maybe a future in property awaits me
Helpful dating advice from Nana
It's only week three with my girlfriend Nigel, but already my Nana has ideas of her own, says Tom Meltzer
My second non-date with Nigel
A promising conversation turns into a bloody and violent mess
Two friends in search of a date
Tom Meltzer: It was just meant to be a quiet drink out with a friend. It couldn't be anything more, could it?
Why I won't be voting Conservative
Tom Meltzer: I was nine when the Tories were last in power, but 'Thatcher, Thatcher, milk snatcher' means I'll never vote Conservative
Perhaps I wasn't meant to live with civil servants
Tom Meltzer: I talk about Xbox games and job interviews, the civil servants talk about spice racks and pensions
When is a spare room not a spare room?
My new flatmate is not impressed
The secret diary of Tom Meltzer, age 22
I discovered there are quite a few people who think I'm a tosser