The latest instalment, CSI: Cyber, feels like a grandparent thinking they’re cool because they just used a smartphone to bid on a Werther’s Original on eBay

If Channel 7 committed to its own banality, I could almost respect it, but hiding the shame of its shows behind a pet behaviourist ... nice try, TV executives!

You don’t need a killing machine with lasers to eradicate a species that divides its time between taking selfies and following a pizza on GPS

With Masterchef finished, why would the sofa gods blight us all by tossing two more aggravatingly rehashed cooking shows into the mix?

As Channel Ten offers up another chiselled torso to the TV gods, you could be watching a fictional drama about the reality behind a fake dating show

So far, Zoo isn’t so much the ‘mystery event of the year’ as a sub-par episode of The X-Files crossed with Doctor Dolittle. Plus bonus lions with smartphones

It’s just as well the octogenarian naturalist spent his birthday at the White House, not Parliament House, or the ABC might be copping fresh criticism

From Saturday Night Live’s 360° vision to Married at First Sight’s total lack thereof, it’s been a dizzy week for Jazz Twemlow. Just don’t mention the puppy

Trying to find TV nuggets during prime time proved almost as futile as throwing bacon at the sun in the hope of it landing cooked. Thankfully there’s always one

Sticking with scheduled TV seems as wilfully self-hating as clinging to the Titanic while a nudist pleasure cruise drifts past. Except at Eurovision time – go Guy!

Next to MasterChef’s food porn close-ups and moist soundtrack, My Kitchen Rules looks like little more than choppy CCTV footage of Coles, writes Jazz Twemlow

The home renovation show is as much a new TV format as Frankenstein’s monster cobbled out of other people’s rotting dead bits is a newborn baby

Talk about title overkill – far from a battle to the death between nimble assassins, SBS’s US import should have been called Twisted Ankle Mecca Fortress

Home and Away manages a rare moment of cultural theory while Gogglebox bows out, leaving only Periscope to satisfy your navel-gazing needs

SBS takes an affectionate look at the world of hipsters, while Channel 10 turns back the hands of time with some outmoded humour in The Odd Couple

In this episode of the entertaining SBS series, charismatic host Roger Barton, a London fishmonger, is thrown into the deep end as he tackles buying and selling chilli in a Mexico City food market

Season three proves you can take the Viking out of the blood and mud, but you can’t take the blood and mud out out of the Viking

Guy Pearce called it our first brush with reality TV and I found, on returning to Ramsay Street, the ghosts of Neighbours past and present oddly comforting

Gogglebox is TV turducken, force-feeding us the telly filler we avoided the first time round. At least there’s one less show we need to watch people watching …

Too bad we can’t pop into K-Mart for a sniper rifle. Nor can we muster the high octane, TV crime drama of the US. Instead we have Doctor Blake, writes Jazz Twemlow