Tom Daley’s glittering performance makes a trip to a leisure centre pool feel all the more bleak, but fish save the week

France still doesn’t have a government but at least it can unite in the joy of seeing Parisians even more peeved than usual

A Republican falls victim to Emily Maitlis, the mayor of Paris dips her toe in the Seine, and a yearning for summer rain

We can now feel free to get on with our lives without worrying what the halfwits in Westminster might do next

Contest in Britain – between ‘the rich one, the “boring” one, and Trump’s buddy’ – has felt like a foregone conclusion

We start with evidence of humanity’s unfathomable stupidity, before moving to exhibit B: Glastonbury

This week, a musical genius’s stuff goes on sale for absurd sums and a heatwave hits New York

There are too many things going on this week that I can’t bring myself to care about. You can add the election to that list too

Plus: Posh Spice’s parenting and the white British male love-in at the Washington Post

A venomous Arizona training course, Reese Witherspoon’s book club and not remaining calm in the face of disaster

I thought this would finally be the year – but no. Oh well, I can’t find my way from my house anyway

Club members seem to have an idea of the type of women they’re after; and why retiring ‘tosspot’ and ‘git’ is unacceptable

Using schools for polling stations must have its perks. Plus, sympathy for the enslaved girl heckled by Plato

‘Coastal elites’ feel the pinch of fast-food price hikes too. Plus: Liz Truss bars Guardian journalists from book launch. Lol

They might not be Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, but the X Factor judges’ ding-dong over Simon Cowell is a joy

The only exciting part was the number of people who didn’t wear protective eyewear. Plus: Liz Truss fails to ‘pace herself’

An Easter bake letdown, a cruise ship scramble, and just the man you want to hear from on work-life balance

Germans want to ban ‘torture breeding’ for extreme characteristics. Plus: don’t even think about swimming in British waters this Easter

Emergency swab tests follow my disputed report of the kids’ symptoms. Plus: a tradition of duff political predictions

Could this national madness have been Meghan’s revenge? Plus, questions about chafing and a vet bills shock