How Dads of Meenakshi break gender stereotypes and create awareness on same-sex parenting

Their’s is a family of three like any other. The parents rush through their morning routine before dropping off their three-year-old at day care; pick her up after work; make dinner, go for walks with her on a stroller…The parents, Vignesh Carboni and Andrea Carboni, share snippets from their everyday lives on Instagram. Dads of Meenakshi has over 82.4K followers, and Vignesh, who chiefly manages the account, attempts to create awareness on same-sex parenting, one post at a time.

Vignesh shares heart-warming photos and videos of his daughter learning to speak Tamil, of him braiding her hair; there are posts about meltdowns before dinner for limiting screen time; another asking parents’ suggestions on how to brush their toddler’s teeth. Dads of Meenakshi shows the world that parenting is the same, no matter the gender or sexuality.

Vignesh and Andrea started dating in 2012 when they lived in New Zealand, eventually deciding on a civil union since both of them were keen on having a child. Vignesh, an IT professional from Madurai, travelled abroad for his higher education after college. “I always wanted to become a dad,” he says, adding that taking care of children came naturally to him, especially since he grew up in a rural set-up where mothers left their babies at their trusty neighbour’s before rushing off to grab a meal or tend to a chore. “I grew up seeing that taking care of kids was not just a mother’s job,” says the 36-year-old.

The couple went in for surrogacy to have Meenakshi, and Vignesh says that when she came into their lives, they were quite prepared, given that they had spent a year attending several classes. “Jennifer, our surrogate, is an expert on post-natal care, and saw that we attended courses every week,” says Vignesh, adding that he took six months off work to take care of the baby as Meenakshi’s primary carer.

Parenting can be exhausting, especially when both parents are juggling full-time jobs. Despite it all, Vignesh finds time for social media updates.

The reason: “There is no other example for someone like us to show people at home,” says Vignesh. He remembers how hard it was for him to come out to his parents. “When parents do not accept us for who we are, it kills you from the inside,” he says. With no siblings to share his agony with, Vignesh recalls the excruciating conversations with his parents after he came out. “Two men living together is an alien concept for someone from Madurai. Eventually, when they visited us, they gradually understood we were like any other couple,” he says.

Vignesh says that Andrea too had a tough time coming out to his Italian parents, since they too were conservative. The family, that has now settled in Switzerland, travelled to Madurai for the first time in November last year. Vignesh recalls feeling extremely anxious as he boarded the flight to India. More so, because once he shared his plans for travelling to India on Instagram, he received so many hate messages, some of them downright threatening.

But once he landed in India, he says they received nothing but love: right from the Madurai immigration officer who welcomed them, to random strangers at a restaurant in Mayiladuthurai who admired how the two of them took care of their daughter.

Vignesh is now writing a picture book featuring his family, which will be among the first books by an Indian gay parent. “It is about family in general, and will also talk about our love for Nature,” he says, adding that it will be out next month. Vignesh does not have time to dwell on labels, especially since as a hands-on parent, he is always on his feet. He says he does not see his role as that of a father or a mother. “I’m just a parent capable of taking care of my child.”