We’ve sent our traditional blood larva and burlap bridesmaids dresses to the cleaners, because the wedding day festivities went off without a hitch. But what about the ceremonies that weren’t so lucky? Here are a few of our favorite wedding disasters!
Lois Lane and Johnny Adonis
Adonis is sentenced to the electric chair and his last request is for Lois to marry him. She says sure, but the plans are changed when there’s a jailbreak and Adonis ends up dying trying to protect his bride to be. Just horrible.
Chloe and Scott
This fake wedding almost killed Scott on SGU, multiple times. He got hit by a car, and collapsed at the altar. Meanwhile his actual body was being ravaged by a purple space virus while his brain was stuck in a small town wedding.
Calculon and Coilette (Bender)
Bender does the noble thing after tricking Calculon into falling in love with him (once Calculon reveals that his emotions are real) — he fakes his death at the altar.
Wolverine and Lady Mariko Yashida
After waiting and waiting and waiting for this ceremony the whole thing is called off when the Mastermind takes hold of Mariko’s mind and has her ditch the altar. Wolverine is now damaged goods forever.
Robot Lois Lane and Superman
To teach Lois just how hard it would be if she publicly married him, Supes dreams up an extremely elaborate plan in which he marries a robot Lois Lane (while real Lois Lane watches in another dimension). The robot is murdered, and Lois doesn’t learn a thing.
Chloe Sullivan and Jimmy Olsen
Held in the barn, because Smallville has some sort of odd sort of pact with the devil that no matter what happens a portion of the episode must take place inside the Kent barn. Anyways, Doomsday interrupts and steals the bride. It all ends in tears.
The Wasp and Yellowjacket
An epic cover for a disaster of a wedding. See if you can follow this: Hank Pym never found the time to propose to Wasp (Janet Van Dyne). Then one day a new superhero named Yellowjacket shows up and and says Pym’s gone and kidnaps Janet. The Janet marries him! But the wedding is interrupted by an attack from the Circus of Crime. The fight reveals that Yellowjacket actually is Pym and he now has a severe case of dissociative identity disorder. Janet knew this all along and was just letting it go so she could find a way to get hitched to Pym. Phew.
Doctor Octopus and Aunt May
Oy, this one. Aunt May and Doc Oc attempt to get married in a secret ceremony. Spider-Man interrupts, Hammerhead interrupts, the whole thing winds up being held in freezing cold Canada where Aunt May passes out while Spider-Man flies her home. Disaster.
Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour
This lovely affair was stopped short by a pack of deatheaters. This was also the last little bit of fun in the entire Deathly Hallows tale, and even this didn’t last long.
Phoebe Halliwell and Cole Turner
Oh Charmed, how you loved to sandwich the wacky with the horrific. Cole had to trick his bride into getting married on evil ground, drink blood, yada yada. So how did he get that done? With hilarious hijinks like making her dress too small and unleashing Coolio on her wedding, of course. The end result was the birth of the true source of evil! Hooray!
Xander Harris and Anyanka
Perhaps the saddest wedding disaster of them all. The Buffy episode “Hells Bells” showed the world that Joss Whedon wasn’t afraid to play rough with your favorite side characters. This episode destroyed a love and a pair of wonderfully comical characters. A piece of my heart breaks off everytime I watch Anya read the final draft of her vows, sans “sex poodle.”
