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JOEY'S CASTLE 1.2

Welcome to Joey's Castle, a board game created by someone who hates board games, JOEY!

It is recommended for 4 players but can also be played with just one friend. Joey's Castle is zonked, with playtime ranging from 2 minutes to 3 hours.

Featuring over 3,000 cards, you can expect mystery cards with random effects, game-breaking Joey cards, and exciting battles between Pokémon TCG, Topps baseball cards and Yu-Gi-Oh cards shattering the players on the board. Super Mario will steal your liver, God himself will give you cash, you'll be riding a bike in hell and all kinds of crazy doodoo events will happen. This is Joey's Castle—buckle up.


(Before starting, shuffle all the cards by hovering over them and pressing R.)

Be sure to turn on TURNS in the options menu and assign colors to the players playing. Due to a glitch in Tabletop Simulator, make sure that each player piece and dice matches the assigned color.

Place your player piece on the actual Joey's Castle (GAME START). All players begin with 3HP. Roll the dice and move accordingly (refer to the rules for movement in the top right corner of the board, more rules are on the right.). After your turn, hit the WORLD EVENT COUNTER. When the counter hits 10, 20, 30, etc., the player whose turn it is draws an EVENT CARD.

If your HP drops below 1, you die. Upon death, you make a DEATH ROLL: roll 1-3 to go to hell, roll a 4 to survive with 1HP, and roll 5-6 to go to heaven. AK-47s deal 5 damage with a 5-range attack. Knives deal 20 damage from one space away and result in an instant kill if used on the same square as another player. When dead in heaven or hell, your health resets to 3HP, you can take damage in the afterlife, but you cannot drop below 1HP while in heaven or hell.

When a player dies, cash is dropped at the spot where they ate fecies. Use the MONKEY CASH dollars on the left to indicate the location of the money. Other players must land on the marked spot to pick up the cash and must activate the spot underneath to collect it. Players cannot just past the marked spot to retrieve the money.

When adding cash to a player's total cash, do not drag the actual monkey dollars; they are simply symbols for cash on the board. Add player's cash amount on the UI instead.

The objective is to reach the GOLDEN FREN. You pick him up by moving past him and must return to the GAME START to win. You need to land exactly on GAME START; moving past it does not count.

Rules are very loose in Joey's Castle, emphasizing fun over confusion and frustration. (You'll likely be confused anyway and most likely screaming by the end of this, have fun!.)



- **MYSTERY CARD:** Random effects, unusual weapons, player transformations, and tools that may help you win or lead to your demise. (599 cards)
- **EVENT CARD:** Cards that alter the board, change time, and involve food-related injuries, you're not safe man. (347 cards)
- **CASINO CARD:** Cards drawn while gambling at the casino, win big or lose even bigger. (235 cards)
- **DEATH CARD:** Medieval deaths, glock ferrets, and smoking darts with the Grim Reaper. Will you live or die? You'll most likely die buddy. (311 cards)
- **JOEY CARD:** Major game-altering rules and huge advantages for the player, which may sometimes backfire, this is Joey's castle after all. Experiment to see what happens. (70 cards)
- **BUNKO CARD:** The ultimate cards in the game. Prepare to win, or straight up quit this game with this. ARE YOU READY TO FORFEIT JOEY'S CASTLE? ARE YOU READY TO R E A L L Y W I N? (237 cards)



- **POKEMON CARDS:** 280 Pokémon TCG cards available for battle and carnage, gotta Catch 'Em All. (280 cards)
- **YU-GI-OH CARDS:** It’s time to D-D-D-DUEL; get ready to be sent to the Shadow Realm idiot. (280 cards)
- **TOPPS CARDS:** Baseball cards, hockey cards, and more—everything is available here in Joey's Castle. (307 cards)
- **UNO CARDS:** Can you reverse UNO and cause chaos? You'll most likely lose all your friends. (70 cards)
- **PLAYING CARDS:** If you've played BALATRO, let’s see that royal flush buddy, play all kinds of synergy card games with the game. (53 cards)
- **EIGHT BALL CARDS:** Ask the EIGHT BALL cards for hidden answers; YES or NO are definitive responses. Interpret nonsense as you wish. (80 cards)
- **TAROT CARDS:** Major, minor, and crappy arcana are all available—will you gain STAND POWER? (70 cards)




See to the right side of the board for additional rules, instructions on how to play with Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Topps cards, as well as information about bunker spots, jail, and how to use the casino is available to read here. If you come across any strange EU english, feel free to interpret the intended meaning on the cards, as some of the card descriptions may have a stinky swedish flair and may mor may not make any sense.

As I mentioned before, the rules are bendable, but try to follow the basic spirit and rules of the game. House rules are encouraged, so feel free to mix things up, change aspects, and make JOEY'S CASTLE your own crap game. Keep in mind that this is just for fun; there's no emphasis on balance here, and it will probably be the most unfair board game you ever play.


JOEY CASTLE also features some funky music, including a playlist of SNES, Runescape, and C64 tracks. You can find these options in the music menu. Feel free to play them, or you can blast your own Skrillex tracks for a horrifying experience.

The game has had many previous versions, but I believe that after version 1.0, the game became quite playable and offers enough variety to provide players with a unique experience every time. Can you locate the original beta version on the board? It's tucked away somewhere near the cards!

Anyway, I hope you'll have fun with Joey's castle. Gather some friends, have a sandwich, and enjoy! You can reach me at Joeyscastlebigsuck69@joeyvalvesoftware.com to complain you didn't get the golden fren and player 3 wrote in his own rules when you weren't looking, thus winning and you got diabetes in the eyelid instead.

Go check out the streams sometimes.

TWITCH LINK [twitch.tv]