How can you handle conflicts during feedback or coaching?

Feedback and coaching are essential skills for operational planning, as they help you align your team's performance with your goals and expectations. However, giving and receiving feedback or coaching can sometimes trigger conflicts, especially if the message is perceived as negative, unfair, or threatening. How can you handle conflicts during feedback or coaching, and turn them into constructive learning opportunities? Here are some tips to help you.

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1 Prepare yourself

Before you deliver or request feedback or coaching, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Identify the purpose and the desired outcome of the feedback or coaching, and focus on the facts and the behaviors, not the personalities or the emotions. Anticipate how the other person might react, and plan how you will respond to different scenarios. Avoid making assumptions or judgments, and be open to different perspectives and feedback.

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Susan Gatti, Business Catalyst

Talent Development Executive | Executive Mentor | Keynote & Conference Speaker
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Love this call out to create emotional safety for ourselves, I like to call it grounding. It’s a practice I have to prepare my central nervous system and stay out of protection mode where I am more likely to shut down or react out of character. It’s my secret sauces for being able to stay calm, be open and ready to receive feedback.

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2 Communicate respectfully

During the feedback or coaching session, communicate respectfully and clearly. Use a positive and supportive tone, and avoid blaming, criticizing, or attacking the other person. Express your observations, feelings, and needs, and use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, say "I noticed that you missed the deadline for the report" instead of "You are always late with your work". Listen actively and empathetically to the other person's point of view, and acknowledge their feelings and concerns. Ask open-ended questions to clarify and explore the situation, and paraphrase what you heard to check for understanding.

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Susan Gatti, Business Catalyst

Talent Development Executive | Executive Mentor | Keynote & Conference Speaker
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Tone is so important here for both the sender and receiver. Reach for the emotion of curiosity to keep the conversation open and productive. Anger is a low productivity emotion that leads to conflict vs. the desired outcome of resolution, advancement or change.

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3 Collaborate on solutions

After you have exchanged feedback or coaching, collaborate on solutions that address the root causes of the conflict and the needs of both parties. Involve the other person in generating and evaluating possible actions, and agree on specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals. Provide positive reinforcement and recognition for the other person's willingness to improve and learn. Follow up regularly to monitor progress and provide ongoing support and feedback.

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Susan Gatti, Business Catalyst

Talent Development Executive | Executive Mentor | Keynote & Conference Speaker
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Personally, SMART goals are not my go to. They limit the pathway to just one right outcome. When in reality their are always multiple solutions and the ‘right one’ isn’t always clear. I prefer to agree in terms of milestones to reach and how to measure progress toward the desired state or outcome.

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4 Manage emotions

Feedback and coaching can trigger strong emotions, such as anger, frustration, defensiveness, or anxiety. These emotions can interfere with your ability to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts. Therefore, it is important to manage your emotions and help the other person manage theirs. Recognize and label your emotions, and take a break if you feel overwhelmed or triggered. Use breathing, relaxation, or mindfulness techniques to calm yourself down. Express your emotions constructively, and avoid escalating the conflict with sarcasm, insults, or threats. Validate the other person's emotions, and show empathy and compassion. Avoid taking things personally, and focus on the common goals and interests.

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5 Learn from conflicts

Feedback and coaching conflicts can be valuable learning opportunities, if you approach them with a growth mindset and a willingness to learn. Reflect on what caused the conflict, what you learned from it, and what you can do differently in the future. Seek feedback from others on how you handled the conflict, and identify areas for improvement. Celebrate your achievements and successes, and appreciate the other person's contributions and efforts. Use feedback and coaching conflicts as catalysts for personal and professional growth.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How can you handle conflicts during feedback or coaching?

1

2

3

4

5

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1 Prepare yourself

2 Communicate respectfully

3 Collaborate on solutions

4 Manage emotions

5 Learn from conflicts

6 Here’s what else to consider

Operational Planning

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How can you handle conflicts during feedback or coaching?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Prepare yourself

2 Communicate respectfully

3 Collaborate on solutions

4 Manage emotions

5 Learn from conflicts

6 Here’s what else to consider

Operational Planning

Rate this article

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