What are some common mistakes to avoid when having a difficult conversation?

1 Know your purpose

Before you initiate a difficult conversation, you should have a clear idea of what you want to achieve and why. Do you want to improve a situation, correct a behavior, or express a concern? How does it relate to your goals, values, or expectations? Having a purpose will help you focus on the main issue and avoid getting sidetracked by emotions or irrelevant details. It will also help you frame your message in a positive and constructive way, rather than a negative and accusatory one.

2 Choose the right time and place

Timing and location are important factors that can influence the outcome of a difficult conversation. You want to choose a time and place that are convenient, comfortable, and private for both parties. Avoid having a difficult conversation when you or the other person are stressed, angry, or distracted. Also, avoid public or crowded places where you may be overheard or interrupted. A good time and place for a difficult conversation is when you both have enough time, energy, and attention to listen and respond calmly and respectfully.

3 Use active listening skills

Active listening is a key skill that can help you build rapport, understand the other person's perspective, and avoid misunderstandings. Active listening involves paying attention to the verbal and non-verbal cues of the speaker, reflecting back what you hear, asking open-ended questions, and summarizing the main points. By using active listening skills, you can show that you care about the other person's feelings and opinions, and that you are willing to work together to find a solution.

5 Agree on action steps and follow up

The last step of a difficult conversation is to agree on action steps and follow up. Action steps are the concrete and measurable actions that both parties will take to address the issue and achieve the desired outcome. For example, you may agree on a deadline, a frequency, or a quality standard for a task or a behavior. Follow up is the process of checking in, providing support, and evaluating progress. For example, you may schedule a meeting, send an email, or give a compliment. By agreeing on action steps and follow up, you can ensure accountability, consistency, and recognition.