La Jolla Wellness

I talk a lot with my clients about reframing. Thinking about something through a different lens can completely change your perspective. If you were to look at your present from 10 different angles, would you still choose the one you are using right now? What about your past? Is there a particularly narrative you have that is causing you pain? Can you look at it another way? Maybe you can reframe an experience as a lesson or a point of growth. Maybe you can offer someone who hurt you empathy by viewing the conflict from their angle. Maybe you can give yourself grace. Our perspective has a lot of power.

NPR recently shared this list of 8 skills that can help boost mood and reduce anxiety. 1. Focus on the positive 2. Savor 3. Gratitude 4. Daily mindfulness 5. Find the silver lining 6. Self-compassion 7. Identifying personal strengths 8. Set attainable goals None of the 8 ideas are novel but that doesn't mean they are not helpful. Because you have likely come across these ideas before, they are already familiar. You probably have an idea of how you could implement them. Why not try one today? I particularly like the idea of savoring. It requires nothing from you other than thinking of something you recently experienced that you enjoyed. It is basically a buy one get one free deal on joy. Why not take advantage? Read more about the article here: https://buff.ly/4dwF10s #mentalhealth #therapy #wellness #lifehacks

Is your partner more or less tidy than you? Does this difference in organizational levels cause conflict? This is a pattern I hear over and over again, and frankly, deal with myself. Just like levels of intimacy are never going to be exactly the same, levels of cleanliness likely won't be either. So rather than getting in another fight about who emptied the dishwasher last, try the tips below. 1. Improve your organizational systems. If you are tired of bags and jackets piling up on your counter, add a basket or screw in some hooks. If books are taking over your tables, get a shelf. Look at the area that is bothering you and see if you can come up with a practical solution. 2. Recognize your own anxiety. Do you de-clutter to clear your mind? Do you organize your bathroom vanity to feel more regulated. Cleaning may be a tool for managing your anxiety. Your partner may not have the same tools or view cleaning in the same way. 3. Review expectations. Sit down and have a talk with your partner about who is doing what. Try to outline contributions so each of you feel comfortable with your responsibilities. Communicate your needs and what a clean space does for your wellbeing. If your partner understands the need, they are likely to help. #mentalhealth #therapy #wellness #couplestherapy #anxietytools

Have you heard of “after-school restraint collapse”? It is a term coined by the parenting expert Andrea Loewen Nair to describe the way kids can hold in their feelings all day at school and then release them by melting down once they get home. If you are around kids, you have likely witnessed this pattern of behavior. Reading about it made me wonder if we don't experience something similar as adults. We have to keep it together at work. We can't lash out, express too many emotions, or take a nap. Instead, we repress. Usually that repressed emotion tends to boil up and then release once we get to a comfortable space: our home. Now, our experience of this as adults likely doesn't look like a tantrum but it may look like increased irritability or picking a fight with our partner. Sound familiar? If you have dealt with after-work restraint collapse, modify your transition time from work to home. Create a buffer. Listen to something calming. Do a brief meditation. Take a walk. Call a friend. Sit in silence. Include whatever YOU need to help you regulate and prepare for what is waiting for you at home. Your family should get the best of you, not work.

Do you know how to help someone who is having a panic attack? First, it will be important for you to stay calm. Your affect can help them regulate. Speak slowly. Tell them they are safe. Instruct them on taking deep, slow breaths. Emphasize that this feeling is fleeting, it will pass. When you experience a powerful emotion it can be hard to see the other side. Let them know they will feel differently soon. It can also be helpful to try to ground them in the present. Remind them where they are, describe the space. Remind them that they are safe. The most important thing is to be patient and appear relaxed. If you want additional tips, please reach out. #mentalhealth #therapy #wellness #mentalhealthtips #awareness

How much do you know about your parents and grandparents? If the answer is very little, it might benefit your mental health to change that. New research on ancestry and well-being finds that exploring our family history can offer significant psychological benefits. "Young people, children and teenagers who know more about their family history have higher levels of satisfaction and wellbeing," she says. Researchers surveyed almost 1,000 Australian hobbyist genealogists to explore the psychosocial drivers behind researching family history. They found that engaging in ancestry research often leads to people feeling more in control of their lives and experiencing a deeper understanding of themselves and their place in the world – including gratitude for the struggles their predecessors faced on behalf of their children. I hope this inspires you to ask your loved ones about their history. #mentalhealth #therapy #wellness #familyhistory #ancestry

We are frequently confronted with data about increased loneliness due to social media and worsened by the onset of the Covid19 pandemic. Loneliness and society's relationship to it are much more nuanced than much of the data leads us to believe. Matthew Shaer did a deep dive on loneliness and our difficulty addressing it for the New York Times Magazine. I highly recommend giving the article a read. Shaer places current symptoms of loneliness on an evolutionary timeline. Great periods of change (the industrial revolution, cars, the internet) have all caused periods of fear and loneliness. I have included the final paragraph below for a hopeful perspective on how we move through this transition. "Squint, and you can see it: a scenario in which the loneliness crisis today is really a mass period of acclimatization. It’s a bridge, an evolutionary step, during which we make our peace with certain trade-offs and realities — that in 2024, we’re not all going to race to rejoin the local grange. That we’re not all going back to church or temple or the mosque. That our kids may grow up far from their grandparents and aunts and uncles — far from the towns where we were raised. That the workplace will remain diffuse, tethered by Zoom meetings and the occasional in-person happy hour. That we may often see friends more on FaceTime than we do in real life. And most important, that despite it all, we’ll find one another again." It might be different that we imagined, different than how we grew up. Different does not equal bad. Read the full article here: https://buff.ly/3MEks7b #mentalhealth #therapy #loneliness #hope

Even though it may feel like summer has just begun, September is in full swing. With September comes the start of the new school year, a renewed urgency to respond to emails that may have been lacking in the summer months, and perhaps the onset of the September Scaries. Much like the Sunday Scaries, the September Scaries entail a combination of dread, regret and anticipation that accompanies the end of a communal pause and the beginning of a hectic and demanding time. Whether you are feeling like you didn't seize the most of your summer or you are reluctant to return to your routine, I have some tips inspired by @NYT wellness. First, let's just acknowledge that transitions are stressful. You are moving from one season to another. Second, check in with yourself. What is causing you the most worry? Is that thought based in reality or inspired by anxiety? Now that you have the root cause, decide how to intervene. If you want some guidance on creating your September Scary action plan, let me know. I am here to help! #mentalhealth #therapy #wellness #septemberscaries #sundayscaries #mentalhealthmatters

In a recent article in @theatlantic, the difficulties of your 20s are explored. The phase between adolescence and adulthood has long been daunting: You’re expected to figure out who you are, to create a life for yourself. That might sound exciting, as if all the doors are wide open, but much of the time it’s stressful—and modern challenges are making it harder. Young adults are more vulnerable than ever, but much of American society doesn’t see them that way. Your 20s are depicted as a carefree time with limited responsibility. You have new obligations but not the wisdom, support, or funds to handle them. In hindsight, your 20s can seem like a period when your load is lighter, but the reality is that the challenges of each era are different. There are a ton of global and cultural stressors that have expanded. Getting a job is more difficult. Goods are more expensive. Comparison is rampant. Rather than criticize a different generation, let's show compassion. Every era has its benefits and drawbacks. Each one is challenging in different ways. If you'd like to read the full article, check it out here: https://buff.ly/474AMYu #mentalhealth #therapy #wellness

Let's talk about sex. There is a lot of shame surrounding sex, even in the therapy room which should be one of the safest spaces. On top of shame, people receive a lot of misinformation from social media, TV shows, friends,.. We have unrealistic expectation of how and what sex should be. Here are 5 tips from sex therapists: 1. Comparison is the thief of sexual joy. Frequency is not an indicator of sex. Focus on how each experience feels. 2. It may be time to update your definition of “sex.” Prioritize pleasure over results and expand your sexual menu. 3. There is more than one type of desire. Couples need to let go of the expectation that they should be aligned in how and when they experience desire. 4. Get to know your partner. Talk often. This may feel uncomfortable at first just like anything you aren't used to. 5. Men are not light switches. Male sexuality is as complex and variable as female sexuality. For more detailed information about each tip, read here: https://buff.ly/4731lx3 #mentalhealth #therapy #wellness #sexualhealth #intimacyneeds