Catherine Staite’s Post

Today is the 30th November 2023. It's the last day of Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. It's also 614 days since I lost my husband to suicide. 1 year, 8 months and 4 days. I used to fear talking about this topic. But fear of talking is part of the problem. So, on this day, I wanted to do something useful for the people who will unfortunately experience the same devastation that I did 614 days ago - or loss of any kind. I want to talk about managing grief at work. When someone in your team or business is grieving, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be showing up to work every day in floods of tears. In fact, most of the time, sadness is one of the emotions or external visual representations of grief you’ll come into contact with the *least*. (People don’t like to cry at work.🙃) Instead, when someone is grieving at work, be prepared for: 🧠Brain fog - even from people who are usually 100% on it. If you’re asking questions in meetings or putting us on the spot for responses, our usual quick-fire response time might be swapped out for a blank stare and “sorry, what did you say again?” or “my mind’s gone blank”. Give us time and just be patient while we find our feet again. 🐘Forgetting stuff or appearing scatty and disorganised. We might be a bit slower, we might have to change the way we structure our days and we might have to ask you to repeat something or ask for clarity on things more often than usual. We want to do a great job, we just need your support to make sure we do. 🥞Frequent “flat” days. Grieving is physically heavy. It weighs down on you even when you don’t think it does. Even if you’re not “sad”, you’re still grieving, and picking yourself up to be Mr or Mrs Motivator can almost be physically impossible. We’re still trying but we might just be more pancake than panettone for a while. We’ll be back soon, just give it time. 😵💫Overwhelm. Small things that we used to deal with become big things. We can doubt our abilities and feel like we’re not built for the same environment we used to thrive in. This is why many people move jobs after a loss, but it doesn’t have to be like that if employers are understanding and willing to adapt with us. For example: managing a lot of face to face meetings can be exceptionally draining when you’re masking grief. 😴Exhaustion. “You look tired” isn’t helpful here. We are tired. Constantly. Grief is tiring. Being told we’re tired doesn’t make us less tired. We don’t want to look tired, we want our old selves back. When you lose someone, you lose a little bit of yourself too. Please don’t keep reminding us. 🐊Erratic moods or being snappier than usual. Everyone knows that stress causes shorter tempers. Hurt people hurt people, as they say. There’s no excuse for rudeness or making people feel uncomfortable, but please consider that we might just be having a particularly tough day emotionally and we really didn’t mean the tone in which we said something. I hope this helps.❤️

Shhhh…. I have a secret! Can I tell you what it is? I have a super power and I know you do too. (Hence my Clark Kent Glasses, lol borrowed from my Hubby) But do you know how I know? Well “what is the only difference between villains and superhero’s?” They have both been through a hardships and/or traumatic experience. But you know what? It is the choice they make after their hardships and/or traumatic experience. The decision that they choose to make everyday. The villain will decide I have suffered loss and grief and hardship, so I am going to make everyone around me suffer the same. But the superhero says I have suffered loss and grief and hardship, I am going to do everything in my power to help others around me not have to suffer. We have all been through hardships and difficulties, the height of mine was my journey with anxiety, depression, psychosis, self-harm and suicidal thoughts and attempts, I have cried a lot of tears, been through a lot of pain and felt like, was it even worth living. But you know, our hardships, difficulties and bad experiences in life, can be what gives us a superpower. For me, after coming through it, with lots of help and a lot of hard work I have the superpower of being able to choose to show compassion, empathy, be patient, always have a listening ear, try to reach out to others and try help people who are going through what I went through or see the signs and get help so they don’t have to get a worsening Mental Health Illness. And you can use your superpower too, what you have been through does not have to pull you down, and even if it does, it doesn’t have to keep you down. You have the superpower to choose to use it to help pull others up. I still have ups and downs, but I have decided I will not let my downs, keep my down, I will get help when I need it, and recharge when I need to. And sometimes the work to stay on top feels really hard and unending. But I will use my pain, my sufferings and my learnings from it and help as many people as I can. And you can too. #superpowers #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #powerfulthroughourhardship #clarkkentglasses #clarkkent

Sadly, today is 9/11. Condolences to all impacted by such a tragic day. Anniversaries of tragic events can serve as triggers for grief. Mental health experts share insights and tips for handling grief — and describe the "five stages of grief. #mentalhealth #grief #september11 https://lnkd.in/eraQwyQ9

When grief goes unacknowledged, individuals can endure similar negative emotions as those who openly grieve, but without the support or recognition of their loss from others. This can leave them feeling isolated as they struggle to manage their emotions alone. The pressure to conceal their grief can cause them to internalize these negative feelings, potentially leading to more harmful impacts on their mental health. Explore the effects of unacknowledged grief in the workplace: https://hubs.la/Q02Drlpv0 #wpocares #grief #employeewellbeing #mentalhealth

May is Mental Health Awareness month. Life has messy moments and celebratory ones too. If you’ve read my book, “Don’t Give Up, Acknowledging the Struggle, Celebrate Resilience” you know chapter 3 “Duped” was one of the messiest of messes of moments in my life. I believe we all have a chapter 3. It’s where you feel like your best friend yanked the carpet from underneath you. So you get back up, look around to see who saw you tumble and keep moving forward. My chapter 3 may have been your chapter 4 or five. The Good News is it’s only part of the story. I love using my story and platform to add value and awareness through the vulnerable moments of life. We all have them. So don’t worry you are not alone. So, as we encounter people on a daily basis, I believe a good practice is to recognize everyone is facing either a victory or storm. This is why it’s important to be kind. We must acknowledge the CEO, the janitor and everyone in between. It’s pays to see the woman who comes in with smudged mascara and let her know she is seen, valued and It never hurts to ask, “Are you okay?” This small, yet kind gesture will do wonders for the person who had to pry themselves out of bed. Confidence is essential too. Some, have experienced so much in life until they want to trust, but don’t know how to. In addition, there are those who may show no signs of mental distress. These are the ones who have learned to hide it because they believe crying or seeking help or treatment is a sign of weakness. It’s not. Others feel ashamed of needing to speak to an outside source for help. But I say do it anyway. There’s no need to suffer in silence. We become better parents, leaders, entrepreneurs, caregivers and members of humanity when we take out time to breathe first. It’s not selfish. It’s actually a way of loving yourself in order to love others better. When I experienced chapter 3, I went into “Mamabear, I have to make it happen” mode. Off to work I went without taking time to process what happened. I wouldn’t advise this. Sometimes, you need time to grieve. Give yourself permission to heal and thrive. Grief is not always loss of a physical death, but it’s also taking time to mourn what was and what could have been. For me, my faith in God took me through the rough spots. I am grateful for every lesson learned, because this is what has given me compassion and wisdom as I serve others as a Life Coach and Pastoral Care & Spiritual Advisor. People say they know I genuinely care. I don’t want them to be stuck because someone didn’t value their worth. Life is for living. I want you to know, chapter 3’s lead to chapter 4’s and beyond. Your story is a great book waiting to be written, read and spoken. As I love to say, “When life throws you lemons, create an empire.” This is your motivational moment to make sure while you are serving others you are loving yourself too. Happy New Day! Until next time.

I experienced mental paralysis firsthand when my dad was involved in an accident in February. You know that moment where the weight of grief or anxiety makes it difficult to engage with activities that were once enjoyable or meaningful? →I avoided social media. →I would see a message here or on →WhatsApp (something I loved doing before) and I'd be too mentally tired to respond. →I turned down job offers. (Thank God for restoration.) →I lost interest in many activities; I just wrote in my notepad those weeks. It was the time I was supposed to go back to school for my final year. The day before I would go back, we got the call and rushed to the hospital. It wasn't fatal_ broken shoulder bone. The mental paralysis came from the shock of "what could have been." Judging by the unidentifiable car that caught fire immediately they were rescued. It occurred immediately the call came in. Funny enough, I had to go back to school, and while in class, I smiled and laughed like nothing was wrong. The real definition of "be kind and don't judge a book by its cover" - we always don't know what people are going through. Only a few friends knew what happened because I resumed very late. Now, I didn't lose my dad, thanks to God. But I was shaken, and I even had frightening nightmares, especially after every bone massage when he complained of pain. I am writing this because I now wonder how people who have lost a sibling, parent, or close friend survive that phase and come out strong. I have great respect now for people taking care of maybe a disabled parent or sibling. That phase of watching someone who was once strong become unable to do basic things for themselves. My dad is very much strong now. 😊🙏 And I felt the need to reach out to those dealing with grief. I know this isn't something we talk about here. But I want you to know that you're really strong. And mental paralysis is a phase. Don't beat yourself up for hating the things you once loved. →Take a break if it will help (Some people prefer working like workaholics during periods like this; that's their own coping mechanism: a reason you should check on your staff) →Take walks. →Stay with people who love you. →Write in your diary how you feel each day. I'm planning on opening kind of an emotional support group where (grown-ups) who just lost a loved one can come together and fight for their strength again. And for my birthday, I'll be visiting fatherless children and make it a routine from then on. Grateful for finding my footing again in the things I loved; one of them is interacting with you here on LinkedIn. Just in case you're dealing with grief and you need someone to talk to, my DM is open, please. Thanks. PS:Have you ever lost a loved one? Did you go to work the next day? describe the feeling in one word. #onyinyechukwu. Type the hastag to read my posts. #notesongrief #mentalhealth #linkedln.

6 book recommendations from our team of mental health professionals about coping with serious illness and grief 👇 1. That’s Me Loving You by Amy Krouse Rosenthal (Kids) A heart-warming story that will comfort tamariki / children with separation anxiety, it captures parents' desire to be ever-present in this simple and touching poem offering reassurance of their aroha / love.   2. Michael Rosen’s Sad Book (Adults) Michael Rosen’s Sad Book chronicles Michael's grief at the death of his son Eddie from meningitis at the age of 19. A moving combination of sincerity and simplicity, it acknowledges that sadness is not always avoidable or reasonable and perfects the art of making complicated feelings plain. It’s a heartbreakingly honest account of a father’s grief for his son. 3. Always and Forever by Alan Duran (Kids) When Fox dies the rest of his whānau are absolutely distraught. How will Mole, Otter and Hare go on without their beloved friend? But, months later, Squirrel reminds them all of how funny Fox used to be, and they realise that Fox is still there in their hearts and memories. 4. Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen (Older Kids) When the death of a relative, a friend, or a pet happens or is about to happen, how can we help a taitamaiti / child to understand? Lifetimes is a moving book for tamariki / children of all ages, even mātua / parents and caregivers too. It lets us explain life and death in a sensitive, caring, beautiful way. It tells us that dying is as much a part of living as being born. It explains beautifully that all living things have their own special Lifetimes. 5. Straight Talk about Death for Teenagers: How to Cope with Losing Someone You Love by Earl A. Grollman (Teens) This book was written for teenagers whose friend or relative has died. Earl A. Grollman, the award-winning author of Living When a Loved One Has Died, explains what to expect when you lose someone you love. 6. Only One of Me: A love letter from Mum by Lisa Wells and Michelle Robinson (Older Kids) Most of us can't imagine having the time we spend with our tamariki / children or loved ones cut short, but this was the reality being faced by māmā / mum of two Lisa Wells, who was diagnosed with terminal bowel and liver mate pukupuku / cancer in December 2017 at the age of 31. This tender and moving rhyming poem is both a love letter to Lisa's own daughters and a testament to the unwavering strength of parental love, a timeless message for families facing the challenges of bereavement. Read the full article here 💙 https://lnkd.in/gm_ZF_Mw

GRIEF it's creates a hole that is wide in ur human self. happiness is essential for you to let go of it all. Grief is a complex and multifaceted response to loss, particularly the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. It encompasses a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and despair. Grief can affect people in various ways and can manifest in physical, emotional, and cognitive reactions. The process of grieving is unique to each individual, but it generally involves stages such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, as proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. However, these stages are not linear and can vary greatly from person to person. Coping with grief often involves seeking support from friends, family, or support groups, and sometimes professional help from counselors or therapists. It is important to allow oneself to experience and express these emotions, as suppressing them can prolong the grieving process and potentially lead to other mental health issues. Becoming free of grief is often not about eliminating it entirely but about finding ways to cope and move forward. Here are some strategies that can help: 1. **Acknowledge Your Feelings* 2. **Seek Support*(Friends & family). 3. **Seek Professional Help* 4. **Self-Care* 5. **Create Routines* 6. **Express Yourself* 7. **Stay Connected* 8. **Memorialize* 9. **Set Small Goals* 10. **Be Patient* 11. **Mindfulness and Meditation* 12. **Volunteer or Help Others*

I finally had to share my 50cents to the recently completed suicide of the former CEO of Konga. Abasifreke Thompson pulled my attention to Mr. Charles Awuzie post on the matter, infact that's the most concise I've read(you can check on his timeline to read it too), and this was my input. ........ I carefully read through this (the) post and I can say it's quite pathetic that after one week, everyone will forget all these moral lessons and move on with their lives. The truth as Mr. Charles Awuzie stated, that a lot of high profile executives are dealing with high functioning depression in other words smiling depression while others are dealing with bipolar but because their symptoms are not always in the likeness of google presentations of a Mental disorder they wouldn't seek help. In cases of loved ones, completed suicide don't just happen, there's a gesture stage, threat stage and attempt before completed suicide, it takes a knowledgeable loved one to notice this... Moreover, lately we've realised people do not grief to heal, they grief to suppress, this is pointing towards the divorce story yeah... Lastly I always encourage professionals to intentionally choose their helpmeet(not wife) I strongly believe in meeting strangers who know nothing about your many portfolios and introducing them to it wouldn't be necessary too. It's also in no doubt that people believe whatever they want to believe when it comes to the seemingly wealthy.... I tell my younger siblings each time they feel like money is worth more than people, "When you get to the top you'll have few friends and many wannabes" while people with good intentions feel ohhhh he has too many persons already. I recommend the following for executives; 1. Volunteer for people you might never meet again and ensure you bask in the euphoria of that goodness. 2. Your vacations can also be in a very rural community, it helps you communicate with people that don't care about your title. 3. Learn to say NO 4. Grief appropriately if you have need to. I can go on and on.... Together we could be first compassionate towards ourselves while we remember that Mental health is Preserved health. Check this space for the goodness embedded in meeting atleast one stranger in 2 months that should never know anything about your many profiles.... Happy weekend. #thewatersidetherapist #thegirlwhostoodupformentalhealthinnigeria #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealth #suicideprevention2024 Disclaimer: the picture attached to this post has nothing to do with the context...

Death is still a taboo topic in our culture, but sometimes the “living losses” can be even harder to talk about 🤫 Whether it’s a parent’s dementia, a friend's addiction, or a new medical diagnosis, living losses - also known as ambiguous loss - can take a toll on our mental health. Read more about ambiguous loss and some of the other common forms of grief in my latest blog post, and share with a friend who might benefit 🗣 https://lnkd.in/evxCSQNQ