EQUUS’ Post

Kelly's latest essay, The 21 Wisdoms of EQUUS – the theories, disciplines, frameworks and sub-frameworks that inform our work is out now. When you work with EQUUS, you are not engaging just any leadership and personal development organization. You are engaging with a movement, informed by decades of research and experience, regarding creating conditions for breakthrough learning. Woven into every EQUUS offering, be it coaching, online courses, retreats, workshops or equine assisted programs, are the disciplines, theories, frameworks and sub-frameworks that distinguishes EQUUS as a leader in truly transformational change. We're also sharing some photo's from Kelly's upbringing that highlight some of the people, cultures, and geography that have influenced and informed what EQUUS has become. Read the full essay here: https://lnkd.in/g4CBTHES If you'd like to receive Kelly's essay monthly, you can follow her on Medium here: https://lnkd.in/gzmiaa_T Or subscribe to the EQUUS email list: https://lnkd.in/gdW5YPuq

Watch to learn what Assertiveness for Life and Leadership is all about. Have you become brittle and exhausted? Chances are you over-function. How can you challenge yourself to pause before following the compulsion to help, aid, fix or rescue?   2. What we sometimes label as generic stress is actually our nervous system maxed out on giving, helping, putting ourselves last.   3. Who do you need to disappoint today? Become more assertive, learn what having boundaries really means, and stop over-functioning.    Join Kelly and EQUUS Faculty Member Adam Ramcharan in their life changing course Assertiveness for Life and Leadership   September 5th - December 12th Thursdays at 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM MT enroll here https://lnkd.in/g3ht629i

Back in the day, when I was a doormat…that is to say, when I diminished myself by minimizing my needs, silencing my voice, and numbing my feelings…I was not a very nice person. I thought I was being nice because I was caretaking everyone, pleasing others and performing to all kinds of heights. But in truth, because I was not able to take care of my own needs and honor my own ambitions, then I was not able to be truly honoring of others. There is a reason it is called ‘care-taking’––because when we care-take others, we literally take from them. We take their dignity and their power. We make them small and rob them of the opportunity to take care of themselves. In truth, we do it because we cannot bear the discomfort of their journey––whatever it is. Robustly showing up for ourselves reveals a wonderful byproduct: meaningfully showing up for others. We get to be authentic and real, we get to be loved for who we are, we get to be accountable, and that feels good. At the same time, we are afforded the privilege of supporting others to do the same. You cannot believe the beautiful world that awaits you on the other side of healthy self-entitlement and self-agency. Do you feel selfish or unkind when you set boundaries? Do you tend to bend until you break and lash out? Are you a coach who works with people dealing with these issues? My EQUUS Faculty member Adam Ramcharan and I are holding a conversation about this topic on Thursday and we'd love to see you there link to join: https://lnkd.in/gtf_M-T4 We're also running a course on this topic beginning September 5th. Learn more about it here: https://lnkd.in/gXGdge-2 #boundaries #assertiveness #caretaking #overfunctioning #leader #leadership #equus #safety #connection #peace #freedom #joy

In part two of our Assertiveness Series Kelly talks about being "The Good Girl." She says, "As a child, I learned to survive my family system by being the good girl. I honed an ability to anticipate needs, and meet them. I could sense people’s moods and emotions, thus navigating my way around the invisible rules of engagement by pleasing, and dodging conflict. So as an adult I was conflict averse and an over-functioner, plus I had near-psychic abilities to anticipate needs and feel others’ feelings. Though at the time I could see nothing wrong with pleasing and being empathic, and I valued my heroic work ethic, these habits cost me a lot of relationships. I often grew resentful, even hostile. And I created entitlement and selfishness in good-hearted people. I used to say to my friends, “I create monsters”. These habits also cost me my health, and a business. At some point I realized that I had to change my relationship to assertiveness, boundaries and healthy self-entitlement if I was going to get anywhere in my life. I found there were very few resources out there that truly embraced the complexities of interpersonal dynamics, historic shaping of our personalities, and a deeply holistic and respectful way forward." Here's three ways to become more assertive: 1. Healthy self-entitlement starts with recognizing ways that you ‘trade yourself away’ in order to keep the peace, take care of others or simply diminish your needs. 2. Boundaries are not static, solid walls that you put up between you and another person. They are dynamic lines that distinguish you from another, and actually connect you to another through your authenticity. 3. Create a list of all the things that diminish your energy or dim your light. What do you learn? What do you need to say, “no” to? Her co-faciltator, EQUUS Faculty, Ram Charan and she created Assertiveness for Life and Leadership to support intelligent, kind and compassionate individuals take the next leap into their personal evolution. This course is a game changer. We are holding a conversation about Assertiveness on August 15th from 12-1pm MT. We hope to see you there! Register for the conversation here: https://lnkd.in/gZrUWxR3 Course details can be found here: https://lnkd.in/gXGdge-2 Subscribe to our emails to read more like this here: https://lnkd.in/gdW5YPuq #assertiveness #boundaries #overfunctioning #leader #leadership #equus

If you walk outside early in the morning this time of year, before the rest of the world awakens, and just pause and listen, and feel, and smell…you can sense the emergent autumn. It’s a distinct sensation that signals your body a change is afoot. We are such sensitive beings when we allow ourselves to be. Like deer in the forests, we are acutely aware of essential things. Now open your senses further. What more do you perceive? What hidden stories do you hear? What is emerging? Did you miss our monthly Round Up yesterday? Read more about what's happening around the Buffalo Spirit Ranch and at EQUUS this month. https://lnkd.in/gB3khub3 If you'd like to stay in the know of what's happening monthly at EQUUS you can subscribe here: https://lnkd.in/gdW5YPuq

This month we will be sharing a series on Assertiveness for Life and Leadership. It kicked off yesterday by introducing our totem, the buffalo.  Each week we'll be sharing a personal anecdote, along with tips and additional resources on the topic.   The venerable buffalo is our animal guide and inspiration for Assertiveness for Life and Leadership. The buffalo is what is known as a “keystone species”, meaning that they have a disproportionately large and positive effect on their environment relative to their abundance. Keystone species play a critical role in maintaining the wellbeing of an entire ecology.    A little known truth about buffalo is that they turn, face and run towards the storm. Thus, they are able to get through it more quickly, and minimize their exposure to the most dangerous parts.    How would things be different for you if you turned and faced your own storms head on?    What if, instead of avoiding the winds and rains, you walked right into them, trusting you had the skills necessary to prevail?  You can read the first email in the series here: https://lnkd.in/gdVFkKKS I will also be co-leading a discussion on assertiveness, over-functioning, and boundaries with EQUUS Faculty member Adam Ramcharan on August 15 from 12-1pm MT. We'd love to have you join us. Register for the chat here: https://lnkd.in/gs6RcNCK If you'd like to receive emails from this series, you can subscribe here: https://lnkd.in/gFXxXNZz

We are culturally conditioned to narrowly define the act of leading within domination concepts: being on top, being the boss, being in control, and holding power over others. We were taught these concepts by a dominance system and belief structure, and not by true leadership itself. In fact, the horse herd shows us that leadership is about love, connection, caring for the whole, service, and well-being. It is not a power over, but a power with dynamic. Through this expanded—and all together more accurate—definition of leader, you may recognize that you have this innate capacity within your family, your community, your relationships, and your own selfhood—therefore, you are a leader. Today we suffer a crisis in leadership across all sectors. Absent any evidence-based definition of what leadership truly is, and operating under an assumed dominance belief-structure, throughout history we’ve appointed and elected leaders who are not actually leaders at all. It’s no wonder we find ourselves in the current state of affairs. In fact, if we tossed these so-called leaders into a herd of wild horses, chances are the mares would quickly and fiercely send them away until they could behave. Like our colorful, badly-behaving leaders in the public arena, gladiator stallions have received lots of attention because they are flamboyant and dramatic. Human leadership qualities have been attributed to their dominant and brutish ways. But showy stallions are not the leaders of the herd. They have a specific role to play in specific circumstances, but it’s not in overseeing daily governance. In fact, the lead mare or mares will see to it that a delinquent stallion is exiled from the herd until he can participate inside the clan with good manners. Through this elegant ecosystem of safety, peace, connection, freedom, and joy—maintained by care and presence—a dynamic democracy ensues. The other herd members are constantly, moment by moment, testing their leader’s ability—does she still care? Is she still present? If for some reason, due to illness, wounding, or age, she should show up less than present, or not able to care, a new leader would take her place. But not with a clashing of hooves and gnashing of teeth. Instead, with an acceptance of giving and receiving care. Out of care for the outgoing leadership (who now needs care), and care for the whole herd, a new horse assumes authority. What comes to mind when you read about this style of leadership? Does it resonate with you? How would life be different if you worked for something who embodied what the leader of horse herd embodies? #wisdom #thrive #thriving #peace #connection #safety #freedom #joy #equus #leader #leadership #presence #care #learning #horses #culture #care #presence 

Kelly's latest Essay: Getting Clear – the Radical Choice to Wake Up in a Culture Obsessed with Numbing, is out now. Here is an excerpt: "When I was a young girl learning how to ride, almost consistently I was admonished to ‘not let the horse know I was afraid’. Supposedly my emotion would set the horse alight with terror, or perhaps worse, said horse, upon feeling my fear, would conspire to manipulate or hurt me in some deviant way. As aspiring young cowgirls and -boys, we were taught to hide our feelings, bypass our emotions. Perhaps nowhere is the projection of a disconnected society more obvious than in this conventional ‘wisdom’ of the equestrian world passed down from generation to generation of riders. Let’s be clear before I move on:  horses are not afraid of fear, nor are they poising to mess you up through your vulnerabilities. In fact, it is not our fear that worries a horse, but our masking. It’s the incongruence that creates the problem. This cowboy-speak is indicative of ways we project false notions about life in general––in so many assumptions and narratives perpetuated through the folklore of contemporary culture. We are taught to disconnect from our bodies, not show our feelings, present a façade to get what we want, for example, success, or love. We are told how to act, feel, and think in order to conform to a system that works best if we all walk lock-step within certain guidelines intolerant of uniqueness and diversity. Living inside such a system makes us anxious, sick and fragile. It’s a system that holds us to unattainable perfection, unbearable pressures, and blames those who cannot, or will not, comply. Every time we contort ourselves or cut off a limb to fit into the square hole, it costs us. We tell ourselves it’s not that bad, or this is just the way things are. Or we blame ourselves for not adapting better. Something must be wrong with me, we reason. To endure the daily cognitive dissonance, we numb and self-medicate through imbibing the myriad substances available to us––alcohol, social media, drama, worry, pills, the news, shopping, or unhinged self-improvement. Read the rest of the essay here: https://lnkd.in/gdNQynKh #wisdom #essay #writer #equus #leader #leadership #gettingclear #safety #connection #peace #freedom #joy #care #presence #coach #coaching

This idea of core cultural pillars is not something widely known, but one that I believe is accurate. It comes not only from decades of daily engagement with horses, but through the lens of connection that I was taught by two of my teachers; Kabada and Uncle Bob. Most of us imagine a herd of horses led by a brutish, overbearing stallion using command and control tactics to rule his harem of mares. In fact, horse bands are governed by quite the opposite. The leadership position is usually assumed by a mare or a team of mares. In domestic settings, where stallions are kept separate from the herd, leadership is sometimes assumed by a quiet, caring gelding (a castrated male) in the absence of mares. The leader is the one who is not the mightiest or the most domineering, but who cares the most—a true definition of servant leadership. I want to assert that this is not about romanticizing horses; the horse culture is in no way infallible or idyllic. Like people and societies, every horse and herd is different. There are herds led by obnoxious dictators and horses too traumatized to connect. But their cultural premise remains, especially within healthy environments, and it teaches us to redefine how we think about systemic wellbeing and about the words leader and leadership. What do you think? What comes to mind when you think of the words leader and leadership? #wisdom #thrive #thriving #peace #connection #safety #freedom #joy #equus #leader #leadership #presence #care #learning #horses #culture #care #presence #leader #leadership #herd

Why take our Wisdom of Thriving course? You are seeking personal growth and self-discovery through a unique, immersive experience. You are a leader or potential leader who aims to enhance their leadership skills and influence innovatively. You are yearning to thrive in all aspects of your life based on a foundation of ancient and practical wisdom. You are looking to instigate a shift in your worldview and incite profound changes in your lifestyle and interactions. Our Early Bird pricing has been extended until July 30th. Learn more here: https://lnkd.in/ghapKhdM hashtag #wisdom #thriving #equus #flyingleadchange #nature #horses #learning #leadership #yearning