To leaders who ask me how to get their teams to give their whole selves to work, I answer simply -- you don’t.
An employee can be happy, engaged, invested, and productive while still having parts of themselves that are just for themselves and their out-of-work circles.
I think the expectation of bringing your whole self began with a good premise that then took the wrong form as it settled into old paradigms. Over the last years -- at least in concept -- there has been heightened awareness that employees should not have to hide their identities and all the ways those identities manifest themselves in a workplace. Employers should create inclusive workplaces because it’s the right thing to do and because when you exclude you lose great people and create a really terrible environment for those who remain. And sometimes break the law to boot. So yes, employers should create environments that allow employees to bring their whole selves to work.
But where this idea goes wrong is when that employer responsibility is conflated with an expectation that employees give all of who they are to their jobs. People generally can’t engage deeply and contribute fully at work if they don’t feel psychological safety, but people CAN do a really great job and be really engaged and CHOOSE to be private about their home lives. People can love the work they do and have a robust out-of-work life that they choose not to bring into the workplace.
I have seen this time and again. Some people bring a lot of themselves into the workplace and are effective, and some people remain relatively private at work and are effective. I have seen no correlation beyond that workplaces that have room for both types of people – and the gradation in between – are the most effective.
As I noted in a post I recently wrote about the problem with typical staff retreats (link in comments): Employees should 100% be able to bring their whole selves to work and 100% not required to.
It sounds easy and simple, but it's not so easy to be ourselves. There are many expectations, many roles. But in the long run, this is the only way to be authentic.