The Break-Up

Years ago, I experienced a surreal moment in my career - I was being called into my manager's office in what I thought was going to be my annual review. When I walked in, he also had the HR manager waiting for me. With a look of sadness, my supervisor said to me, "I think you know what you're in here for." I sighed and shook my head as I sat down.

My supervisor was very sympathetic as he explained to me the current status of the company where phrases like "loss of revenue", "reduction of workforce", and "we hate to do this to you..." pretty much clarified the door I was being shown.

Honestly, I wasn't completely surprised by it. I saw the writing months prior. In the span of almost three years working there I saw some telltale signs: my department began with a staff of seven, switched department heads four times, lost most of its budget, and then slowly dwindled to ultimately just me. I had thought for sure that because I was the sole web and graphic designer for the agency that I had the gig locked.

Nope.

Honestly, I harbored no ill feelings to my supervisor or the company. I told him I understood completely and I was genuine about it. I thought to myself, however, "Who's going to handle all the photography, advertising, and website stuff when I'm gone?" but it wasn't my place anymore to ask. Not my problem. I shook his hand and turned in my badge.

It was very odd seeing the parking lot dotted with several people making zombie-like shuffles to their cars, boxes in their hands. It was more bizarre that I was holding my own box doing that same shuffle. A small convoy of cars made its way to the exit and I bid my time at that place one last goodbye.

It was the first time in my career I'd ever been laid off.

Being let go from a job hurts emotionally and physically - you're shocked at the initial announcement and then you feel it like a gut punch months after. Even though that job loss was due to company downsizing and it was out of my hands completely, I still wondered what I did wrong to make that relationship end.

Losing a job is exactly like a break-up: it can take a mental toll on you. You're pining for what was, wondering what happened, and thinking "What now?!?"

For months after that, I sought to pick myself up and search for "The Right One" and find a stronger connection. I began searching in earnest, applying to jobs shotgun style in the hopes I would catch my next - and hopefully last - connection (hey, that sounded a lot like my dating life back then, but I digress...)

Even so, that nagging doubt would creep into me at times, pining for what I had lost.

So many people who've experienced a break-up start to think in terms of "If only..." when it comes to whether they could have salvaged the relationship.

• "If only I paid more attention to them..."
• "If only I had given them a dozen roses every week..." *
• "If only I had went to that Jessica Simpson/O-Town concert like she wanted..." *

The same applies to being laid off a job:

"If only I turned in more projects..."

"If only I was more of a go-getter for my boss..."

"If only I sacrificed more of my pride, been a yes-man, and bowed down to His Eminence, The Lord of All That Was Marketing Who Listened To No One, Checked to Make Sure You Weren't Leaving at 4:57 p.m. but rather 5:00 p.m., Questioned and Belittled Everything You Did In Your Role, and Ruled His Domain with Fists of Steel Without Giving Anyone A Say In the Matter." **

Again, I digress...

However, like a break-up at this point NONE of that "if only" stuff really matters. "If only" takes you down a bad road full of regret, negative thoughts, and despair. "If only" has you pining and sulking when you should be focusing on the better topic - "What now?"

"What now" entails getting yourself back up, dusting yourself off, and then heading back into the fray. But instead of starting all over, you are more confident, more experienced, and more willing to take less bull$#!t to find "The One".

In life, I've learned you can stop and feel remorse or regret for the things you did in a relationship, but once you've thrown that pity party it's time to kick out all the guests who've trashed your house and begin fresh.

Three months later, I found a stellar job with another company. I was happier, was in a more stable environment, and was given more freedom. I forgot about my previous position completely.

And wouldn't you know...a few months after being hired at my new job I was contacted via email by my old flame.

"Hello, Bevan. Hope you are well. We need someone who can do graphic design and web work. Can you help us out?"

It turned out that my previous job never considered how much work was involved with what my department did for the company. They didn't have the forethought to hire someone who had my skill set.

I chuckled when I got that email. My old company was like the former girlfriend who wanted to come back into the picture and was asking for a second chance AFTER I had moved on and was happy with my new girlfriend.

Who's to say when I was kicked to the curb the first time that they wouldn't do it to me again?

However, I learned my lesson from the last time and remembered how I was let go without consideration.

I replied back, "Sure, I'll do it for 1.5x my rate an hour."

I didn't hear back from them.

Yes, break-ups and layoffs sting. Yes, you will question if there was anything you could have done to prevent it from happening.

Maybe not. Maybe so.

What matters most is how you MOVE ON from that relationship, respect yourself and your boundaries, and keep going until you find "The One" that you can settle down with...

Possibly forever.

#NeverSettle #KnowYourWorth

* Fictional anecdote

** Not fictional anecdote