Change Your Questions – Change Your Life
One sure way of getting better results in work and life is by changing our thoughts, actions and habits for the better. But that’s easier said than done. Many people just focus on making excuses, blaming and expecting others to change and this turns out to be futile.
In the past we did try to make our spouses, family members, bosses and friends change in the way that we wanted and we did not succeed, but when we decided to improve ourselves continuously, we won big time. The person that you really have control over is indeed yourself.
Remember the wise words of Mahatma Gandhi? He said “Be the change that you want to see in the world.” Listen to Michael Jackson singing the Man in the Mirror and you will find this valuable point “If you want to make the world a better place, take look at yourself and then make the change” Go ahead, take a look in the mirror or your selfie device and say out loud, “positive change starts with you.”
So, how can you succeed in making the change?
The secret lies in what you do daily. Now, allow to us share with you the daily questions process and tool that will help you make big wins by accumulating small wins.
In our work as executive coach, we teach people about the importance of self-reflection as a daily practice to becoming more successful. This daily practice that we teach comes in the form of the active questions. We do this process ourselves and it has made a world of difference for us.
We’ve discovered that asking ourselves active questions rather than passive questions, changes the focus of our answers and empowers us to make changes that we wouldn’t otherwise consider.
Let’s take me for example (Marshall). If I ask myself, “Do I have good relationships at work?” I am asking myself passive questions. These passive questions describe a static condition. They cause me to think of what is being done to me rather than what I am doing for myself.
My question, “Do I have good relationships at work?” If the answer is yes, I think about how I like to work with someone. If the answer is no, I think about what I don’t like about another person. Either answer is an “environmental” answer. The reasons attributed to either answer are external factors. Answering such passive questions, seldom cause me to look within to take responsibility.
Now, let’s change this question to an active question, such as “Did I do my best to build positive relationships at work?” This question challenges me to reflect on my actions. It puts the responsibility for my relationships at work squarely on me. If positive relationships at work are important to me and I ask myself this question every day, I will start doing my best to build positive relationships! (In other words, I will get better!)
Why does this process work so well?
The good thing about beginning these questions with “Did I do my best to…” is that it is almost impossible to blame someone else for my failure. No one can be responsible for “Did I do my best to…” but me! It forces us to confront how we actually live our values every day. We either believe that something matters or we don’t. If we believe it, we can put it on the list and do it!
Test it out. Write the questions that you should ask yourself every day. Even the process of writing questions will help you better understand your own values and how you live or don’t live them on a daily basis. If you really have courage, have someone listen to your answers every day. You might be as amazed at the results as we have been!
Tools & applications
In order for you to put into action what you learn, we provide you with 3 tools for application:
- Video Enhancer: The Six Crucial Questions
2. Seven Transformational Coaching Questions
i. What are your top priority goals in work and life?
ii. What are the top 5 things that you need to do daily to achieve your goals?
iii. What can you do daily to be a happier person?
iv. If you were fully engaged in your strengths & passion, what would you be doing?
v. What can you do to build great relationships?
vi. How can you best motivate yourself on a daily basis?
vii. What is the one habit that you want to change to be more effective?
- Ultimate Results Tool– Download both Word & Excel File
Summary & instructions
- Watch the video “The Six Crucial Questions” and think about what’s most important to you.
- Answer the Transformational Coaching Questions. You might want to copy the questions to a separate document and save your answers for future use. If possible, discuss your answers with a partner and encourage each other. It will help you create your daily active questions.
- Download the Ultimate Results Tool, see the two examples given and craft your own questions based on your top priorities. Use the tool and “score” yourself everyday then add up your scores.
- Have your coach or accountability partner call or meet you daily(or weekly) for 15 minutes to review progress and actions to keep improving.
- After several weeks, when you achieve your desired result and your behavior becomes automatic, then celebrate and maintain your new lifelong habit. Revise your daily questions as needed to reflect other goals and habits that you want to conquer in future.
If you are interested to learn more, you can keep in touch with Dr. Marshall Goldsmith & Dr. Peter Chee, on Linkedin & Facebook and forward this learning to your friends. We are excited to add more value to you in the upcoming Parts.
CEO, HR & Top Leaders Conference
Dr. Marshall Goldsmith is #1 global coaching guru, the world’s #1 Leadership Thinker. Dr. Peter Chee is ranked among the top 6 global coaching gurus, creator of Situational Coaching Model.
On 3 November 2017, Dr. Marshall will first come to Vietnam and, together with Dr. Peter Chee, speak at the CEO, HR & Top Leaders Conference at The Riverie Saigon - Times Square, HCMC. The conference attracts more than 250 Directors, CEO & HR leaders.