Fair Sex with Flair: Are Women Inherently Better Communicators than Men?

This week, we begin a month-long celebration of women. Technically the day is only one - on March 8 - but since this gender is known to go an extra mile in just about everything, the day grew into a week and today it is an entire 31-days of paying tribute to women. Have you done it already?

It begins with a text to a partner then to mum, or is it the other way round? That is a debate for another day, and not in such a forum but in places where men communicate best – in their minds. Thereafter the messages spill over to female friends, sisters, colleagues at work, and to random strangers. As the month wears on, all will be left is sharing of quotes from famous women from yester years.

I Am Woman

My favorite pastime this week will be to watch ‘I Am Woman’ one more time. This movie is based on a true story of one strong woman who through her music, through her life, changed the tone of the freedom songs for gender rights. She gave the women empowerment movement an anthem, but above all she gave it a woman, herself. 

My way of celebrating this month is to look inwardly at the communications profession and generally at leadership styles of women. Personally, I believe that there is no difference between men and women when it comes to leadership styles, each can be anything either a good or a bad leader, a dictator, or a democratic leader. As one Rebecca Miano would put it, these things are not gender typified.

Did you know that more than 70% of members of the Public Relations Society of America (PRSA) is female? In Kenya this figure may be as high as 90%. So this week, let us try and look at some of the reasons that might explain this trend.

This topic is not an easy one. If I did this article 20 years ago or in the 70s during Helen Reddy and Rosa Parks’ time (1950s), it would pass as a simple comparison between communication styles of two sexes. Today however, gender is no longer two but multiple. We have those who consider themselves men others female, others bisexual, transgender, and others simply want to be classified as others.

For the purposes of this piece however, we will limit ourselves to males and females in the traditional sense of the words without any deliberate biases whatsoever.

PR Poster Girl

This takes me back to the early days when I was introduced to Public Relations back at the university. The image projected then stayed with me to this very day and each time I picture a PR person, this is the image that comes to mind. If this is the image employers have, it will go to explain the worrying trends in the PR practice which is peculiarly female dominated.

The image presented to us was that of a beautiful tall, slim lady in a short skirt suit and 10-inch heels with long hair falling lightly over her shoulders, brushing against gold-plaited earrings and with a face fit for a beauty pageant.

On one hand - the left, she is holding a glass of wine delicately resting between her index and middle fingers and the other hand is hanging an expensive designer handbag at the elbow and an iPhone in the palm. Of course, I have added the iPhone, this was not there then, our PR poster girl has evolved!

Beyond the trends already set in the practice of PR and Communications, there are several studies and research about the differences between men and women in communication. Furthermore, many of these studies point to the conclusion that women are naturally predisposed to be better communicators than men. Of all things, I hardly argue with science even when I disagree with it.

That women are said to be better speakers, starting to speak quite early in life some as young as eight months and do it until the day they die. Without adding any form of skill or professional training, with this alone a woman beats a man in experience. The average woman is said to speak up to 20,000 words a day, whereas a man may do as little as 250 to a maximum of 7,000 for the average man. How do you compete with that?

Genesis of It All

The studies went as far as looking at the genesis of it all and it appears that these traits were planted in both men and women in the olden days when men were known to be hunters and women remained at home to take care of the children and run through routine domestic chores.

Under such arrangements, men were expected to be completely silent when hunting in the jungle so as not to scare away the prey or attract other hunters. They would only communicate using non-verbal signs until a hunt was made then the team would celebrate together and sing songs of joy on their way home. A silent walk home would mean the hunt was not successful.

Men who talk too much even in our society today are said to have ‘umama’ because this is not a trait associated with them. Yet for us in PR, this is what we are supposed to do, we are supposed to love to gossip – it is no wonder that most men in PR have more female friends than men.

Back home, in the traditional African society, the woman was busy the entire day chasing after children and giving one instruction after another including warnings, cursing, and scorning. The job of running a household cannot be done silently.

Gospel Songs

Even today, they sing gospel songs when doing the dishes. At the same time, one must be ready to juggle many things at a time, light the fire, slaughter the chicken, prepare vegetables, breastfeed the baby, wash the toddlers, clean the house, remove the cobwebs, catch up on gossip with other women while watering the kitchen garden, among other important duties that give life to a home.

All this seem to have prepared women for the contemporary workplace and set them on the path of success with a clear head start ahead of men who to this very day are still playing catch up when it comes to communication.

The best of them who excel in their respective fields do so in places that need less talking and more action like in engineering, sciences, aviation, long-distance truck driving, or ridding boda boda. The talking and singing is reserved for specific times mostly in the evenings when having one for the road with friends after a successful day.

One mark of a good communicator is to use nonverbal signs, visual aids but most importantly to be on the top of the communicator’s food chain, you must understand how to use your hands, to touch the right places and press the right buttons. This is not something men excel in.

Women on the other hand get away with many things. Two women in a cozy conversation, standing close together will not attract any attention. Two men on the other hand talking to each other with less than a meter distance between them will definitely raise eyebrows.

Meanwhile, a woman will easily reach out and touch the person she is speaking to, and this will pass as a show of care and concern or even as a way of encouraging the speaker to keep talking, open up.

Anything Goes

For women when it comes to touching, anything goes, after all a touch is the deepest form of connection, of communication. A man on the other hand touching will be looked at as arrogant, displaying dominance, power play and met with all sorts of negativity. It may also be taken as sexual harassment in some quarters. Even a handshake must not last too long!

Beyond speech, women are said to be good listeners. They listen with empathy and try to put themselves in the shoes of the speaker, feel them and experience the joys and pains together with them. You should see how two women engage in what they call girl-talk, add a bottle of wine and a fireplace on a cold night and the stories and laughter will go on and on till the cock crows. Do not even begin to imagine enacting a similar scene between two grown men.

To be a good communicator you need to be able to tell complex stories and put them across in a plain and simple language. You also need to be able to communicate easily with a diverse range of stakeholders cutting across, age, gender, race, class among others.

Sit down with a woman next time you have time and be mellowed by what gifted story tellers they are. Of all my teachers, the women were the best.

Female Teachers

Whereas the men who mostly taught boring subjects like mathematics, chemistry, biology, and physics were straight and to the point, the female teachers were explorative, taking us from the known to the point that the unknown becomes familiar. The female teachers would give several examples to explain a point and go ahead to give another example which is close and remind you not to be confused by it.

Recently I took some courses on Research methods. One was taught by a lady lecturer and the other by a man. As usual the one taught by a man felt like a hard science, the one taught by the lady however felt interesting and even easy, I scored a clean A. I am not courageous enough to announce the score I got on the other one. Same subjects with extreme scores!

So, this week, and the whole of this month, let us celebrate all the female teachers, our mothers, let us celebrate our sisters, not forgetting mama mboga, and our domestic managers. Remember to at least say thank you to that tea girl who serves you diligently every day. Tips for your favorite waitress this month should be double.

On this 2022 International Women’s Day, as we work to #BreakTheBias may the notes of your hearts sing the melodious songs of love to your significant other.

For me, today I celebrate the lines of great ladies who continue to do great things in this PR and communications space. We celebrate you and look forward to doing this journey with you to the last dot.

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