Few things that kept me from suicide!

We know our remedy! We sometimes just don't know where and how to find it! Our best bet it is to take that one small positive step everyday and let it lead the way!

My life is a blessing! It always was! The fact that I actually felt suicidal, makes me feel a bit ungrateful. But as a person in a state that I was, I don't think I have to give anyone a reason, why I felt that way or even think like that. When I look at me back then, I had a few valid reasons to want to do that. My mind was a prison, a hell, a living hell. And if the only way I could escape it was through suicide than be so it. But as pessimistic as I was, one good benefit of my pessimism were these now funny but then logical thoughts that broke me down as a loser

One was, what if by throwing myself out of my balcony... breaks my legs, but doesn't necessarily kill me. That would be even worse than what I am in.

But those momentarily thoughts, do not really have any power, unless we give it to them. I luckily was able to get myself out of it and even share it with my family, to make them vigilant around me.

I was inspired to write this article sometime back when I heard about a talented singer who took his own life after a successful performance. I had never known him before that. But this news made an impact on me just like it must have on many others. And though I couldn't press the publish button for this long. Today, I feel I should and not let its imperfection to stop me in helping someone who may need to read this.

I want to share my story to help one person out there "to pause and think before he or she is about to give up", on their not so easy but precious and valuable life.

I'll give this secret out right away and there are no good news here. Our life will never get too easy and never easy. But to end your life given the dynamics of it is not the answer to the problems. The answer lies in understanding why this pain is here? What does it wants to teach us about us and about life?

"Pain is the diamond dust that creator uses to polish its jewels. "(Robin Sharma).

I am sure if you are someone right now in the pit of pain, you will not find this helpful.

But the doors opened within me and the places it took me, I would not have gone, had I not experienced pain that was my lot. Not all the corridors I went were lit and airy. Some were darker than a living grave. But the bond it helped me develop with my folks, especially my brothers, my forts, and knights is priceless. I would not have known their deep love for me, had I not shown them my wounds and had not trusted and loved them enough to go on.

We don't treat mental illness or depression as a regular disease. There is still a bit of taboo around this subject or at least it was when I was getting treated. So much that the only people knew about it were us 6, and conscious efforts were made for it to remain between the 6 of us. Gladly, we are now living in more informed and enlightened times and increasingly getting vocal about important issues and breaking the unhelpful silence.

It's tragic that we have to deal with so many suicides every year. This article is my tribute to those many souls lost to suicide every year and a prayer let out that someone breathes a little better and finds the strength to continue, joyfully, and is able to fight the demons of depression and suicidal thoughts.

Not long ago, I was battling acute depression and wanted nothing more than to find back my peace and happy working self. God was there every second of the way and I am glad I was willing to continue in His name through all those unbearable nights to see the dawn finally. And what a beautiful dawn it was!:)

Had I given up, I would have never witnessed the joys I witness every single day, not to forget those beautiful people who have given me a reason to continue on every turn, including my lovely nieces and nephew, whom I want to give every possible faith there is in this world. To live to love them and be there for them is enough reason to continue, if not the only.

Why do many young people take their own lives? We are forced to seek the answer to this question as we continually and increasingly hear young and old people die from suicide or depression.

As social beings, we crave love and connection. They are what gives our otherwise monotonous lives its color and give us the needed worthiness and substance to feel good about being here and having this, not an always great experience.:)

A well-connected person will somehow find a way to fight his negative and depressive, dark thoughts, which can sometimes play havoc when we are on our own.

I have battled with these dark, monstrous thoughts most of my teens and beyond.

For those who never have had them let me tell you, "they are scary". Almost as scary as if a man with a sword was let on you, to kill you. Only in the case of depression, that man is your own mind and the devil who has all the control over you.

Under such time, the only way you can beat this devil is to have a weapon stronger than your own mind that has become your enemy. 

Love and faith are the only two things that gave me that strong counter force to combat my negative mind.

I was lucky to have strong support from my family, giving me enough reasons to fight my demons, for as long as I had to, making it impossible for me to give up. Despite having no energy, motivation or strength left to continue in face of an evil that made it hard for me to open my eyes, they kept pushing me to make it one more day, every single day for what seemed like an eternity. The visions of those days can still make me go cold and I feel extremely blessed to have come out of that long nightmarish time, unscathed.

The other thing that truly helped and gave me the will to continue was my own desire to defeat it; to see myself on the other side of that pit, and my faith in my spiritual Leader and his words that "he would come to my aid whenever I called" and my complete and undying trust in him that he would. And so every time the pain got unbearable I would call to him in agony, demanding on his promise and words, and just then I could feel a wave of peace to fall over me, making me cry in gratitude as I start feeling myself again, free of an entity that had been twisting me, suffocating me all this time.

And every single day, fighting these demons of depression with whatever tools I could get my hands on, my faith increased and my will to continue strengthened and continues still.

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.If I were to fight depression only through medications, I would not have been here talking about it.It was foremost the faith I had and the support of my loved ones that had been crucial in keeping me going and my own desire to be around those I loved, things I enjoyed and dreams I continually weaved even in the darkest of times, that has led me to where and who I am today and I will be tomorrow.

When these young people are about to take their lives, do they have that level of connection or faith, an anchor to hold them back from doing it? Do they have someone whose words and presence, make them think twice about what they are doing and how it may not be the only best solution to what they are facing? 

Without love and faith, I wouldn’t have made it.

And so my answer to the question, how can we prevent someone from suicide would be:

It's futile trying to combat depression through only therapies and medicines, while they struggle with connections and faith and a desire to continue. What we need to ask is, "how can we engrave a level of connection, faith, and desire, as an anchor to hold them back from taking their own lives or losing themselves in this dark, endless pits of self-harm?"

Being socially healthy doesn’t mean knowing thousands of people, or being appreciated by millions. Our need for being social springs from our need to be connected deeply to another and having a constant support of those rare but close individuals who would never give up on us or would never let us give up on ourselves, and whose love would give us that reason and strong pull to continue despite how difficult the times get.

One way to build that bond is by embedding in our children the desire and ability to build stronger ties with their family, communities, humanity, even Almighty, so that, those connections and faith, give them the will to continue and give meaning to their existence and ability to see beyond that blinding pain and limited vision of helplessness.

What matters is not whether they believe what I or others do, but that they believe in something and do it in such a way that it builds them and their lives.

In depression, we are highly skeptical of others and much more sensitive to criticism and how others are treating us. Creating stronger bonds with patients, and answering their deeper needs and not just tending to the overriding symptoms, are critical towards a successful intervention. It's crucial for a patient to find in their doctors, therapists, and supporters, a friendly comfort, hope, understanding, acceptance and a reliable and dependable connection.

How we talk as parents, siblings, friends, peers, educators, and guardians, to ourselves, our partners, our children is extremely important. We should talk with as much love and understanding as we are capable of imparting. We need to make sure our words, our actions uplift not dispirit our loved ones and those we interact with every going day.

Our bitter, harsh words can become life sentences for someone. Let us take more care when dealing with others.

I remember a story of that kid, who when asked what he would want to be when he grows up, answered "happy". Honestly, that is not a bad thing to be when you grow up. Rather than telling your kids to be successful, and making the world and society happy with you, we should ask them to first focus on doing what makes them truly happy. Perhaps that way we may have a generation that is less depressed, and more happy to be just alive.

I would like to thank Mark Fitzpatrick (CEO Telethon Speech and Hearing ) for his candid feedback on this article and his constant support.

In memory of a loved one, a friend's friend, a friend's friend's friend and the many talented, wonderful souls around the world.

P.S If you like this article and think others can benefit from it, feel free to copy and use. If you are someone who wants to see themselves on the other side of the pit, I can just say hang on to that desire and give it some time and faith for it to work its magic into your life! You will see the beautiful dawns, sooner than you think! I promise! And if the pain is too unbearable, please get a help of a therapist, you trust. Your remedy is looking for you just as hard as you are looking for it. You just got to trust and keep taking that one little positive step in its direction.