The Leader’s Choice Changes Things

Last weekend, I travelled to Melbourne. What was really special about this trip, was that my little brother was flying the plane.  

With a grandfather, two uncles, four cousins and a brother who are all pilots, it’s safe to say that we have aviation in the blood. It’s a big part of why I joined the Air Force. While I had flown with my brother before, this was the first time since he had become a Qantas pilot.  

One of the benefits of having a brother who flies for Qantas is that I am able to access ’staff travel.’ An awesome employee benefit is that immediate family of staff members can travel at significantly reduced rates.  

While this is pretty cool, there’s a catch.  

Your seat on the plane isn’t confirmed until right before the flight. Full fee-paying travellers get priority. As do staff who are returning home after working in another city. It’s only if there are spare seats that I get to fly on the cheap.  

This means there’s always a risk you might get ’bumped.’  

It just so happened that on the day I was travelling home there was a series of flight cancellations due to engineering issues and other changing ‘operational requirements’. This meant that there were not only passengers that needed to be rebooked on later flights, but there was a backlog of staff vying for staff travel seats as well. And I was at the bottom of the priority list.  

So I got bumped.  

No biggy I thought, I’ll just jump on the next one half an hour later.   

No seats. The next flight bumped again. Speaking to ground staff I learned there were 28 other staff members ahead of me in the priority listing. This was going to be a long evening.  

THE CHOICE 

After discovering other travel alternatives were undesirable (other airlines either being sold out or remaining tickets costing over $1000), I was left with no other option but to wait and hope I could secure a seat on a much later flight.  

This presented me with a choice. How was I going to respond to the situation?  

Airports are not normally known for how calm travellers remain when they miss their planned flights. Frustration often boils over and emotions run high. I’ve seen people yell abuse at airline staff, throw tantrums and make other customers cry because of delayed and cancelled flights.  

And all it achieved was turning a frustrating situation into a terrible one. They contaminated both their travel experience and the memories they had made, and the experience of those around them. 

While I’m not the kind of guy who runs around throwing tantrums, I had to choose whether I would let my frustration contaminate what had been a wonderful weekend.  

IT’S A FREQUENT CHOICE 

In leadership, we are frequently presented with this choice because we frequently encounter difficulties, disappointments and frustrations multiple times each day. Each time we are presented with the opportunity to choose our response rather than simply react.  

Reactions occur without any thought. There is no conscious choice. Often we aren’t aware we are reacting until we already have. We are controlled by what we are not aware of and therefore when we react, we allow our emotions and frustrations to control us. A response, however, involves a conscious choice.  

I love what Victor Frankl, the Jewish psychiatrist who survived the horrors of Auchswitz, writes in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning: 

Between stimulus and response, there is a space.  

In that space lies our ability to choose our response.  

In that choice lies our freedom.  

Rather than be controlled by our frustration, we can choose to respond differently. In a positive way rather than a negative one. In a way, we maintain control rather than lose it. While a positive response won’t change the circumstances, it will change your experience of them. It may not always make it a positive experience, but it will stop you from making it worse for yourself (and those around you), and in most cases, will make it better.  

How do you choose a positive response? Here are three lenses I try to use each time I make this choice.  

Acceptance 

When things are outside our control, unable to be changed or have already happened, we can’t stress about them, nor is it helpful to focus on them. There was nothing I could do about flight cancellations or a backlog of staff. No amount of worry, brooding or sulking could change the situation. I had to accept it. When we focus on what is outside our control and what can’t be changed, we disempower ourselves. When we accept the situation, we empower ourselves to focus elsewhere.  

Gratitude 

Gratitude provides perspective and a psychological buffer. The reality is that it could always be worse. Being thankful for what we do have rather than what we don’t helps us check ourselves. As I sat at the airport, I focused on being thankful that I had access to staff travel at all, that I had saved a lot of money using it over the past couple of years and that this was the first time I had ever been bumped.  

Opportunity 

Once we have accepted the circumstances and gained perspective, we can shift our focus to look for opportunities in the situation. Whether it is an opportunity to develop a quality, do something different or get better at something else, there is always an opportunity to look for it. I have been trying to cultivate the quality of patience for a while. Waiting at the airport allowed me to practice. I also took the opportunity to write, working on an upcoming presentation (and this particular email!). 

Life is 10% what happen to us, and 90% how we respond.  - Charles R. Swindoll  

So whether it is a change in legislation, an IT outage or a staff failure of some kind, next time that frustrations begin to flair, be mindful to respond intentionally rather than react thoughtlessly.  

When you choose to respond with acceptance, gratitude and an eye for opportunity, rather than reacting out of frustration, you not only improve your own experience, but you reduce the negative impact on your team and your business.