My Career (and motherhood) Roller Coaster During a Global Pandemic

An eerie start.

On March 13, I didn't know that the next time I'd return to the office was to pick up my belongings. At the time, I wasn't in fear of losing my job or getting sick. Immediately taking my daughter out of school and our routine turning 180 was an eerie feeling.

Navigating an at-home office and full-time job search.

Getting used to a work-life balance was difficult at first. I was taking care of my little sister and had limited space in my 2-bedroom apartment. It was rough. Not to mention, my child's well-being and education was in my hands at the same time I was working. My company and my team at the time were so supportive while trying to navigate the return. Months later, my team would survive furloughs and layoffs. I remember feeling so grateful. Someone out there had mercy on me and I resumed work as (ab)normal. I saved every penny I could as the future of the pandemic was uncertain, and still is. The initial plan was to return to the office in some capacity as soon as June. Well here we are, it's December, and while we have an initial batch of a vaccine, this new way of life is far from over. Mid-June we received an announcement from leadership on the direction of our team, our company. I immediately shut my webcam off and tears dropped to my desk. I knew, as a result, my position would be obsolete. While my boss was very supportive, some things were inevitable. I began looking for a job. Immediately. Imagine looking for a remote job in corporate world with millions of other in a declining economy. I submitted 100s of applications each with their custom cober letters. I took and failed personality tests, but aced my knowledge assessments. I had about 6 phone screens and a couple of interviews, despite my effort and ambition. This year would bring the toughest summer I had ever experienced. Tougher than the year of 14-year old me going through a goth phase with no short-sleeved shirts. I tend to be cold, closed-off and strong.

Summer 2020 brought me so many emotions. I learned not to take a day for granted. I became an emotional being. Car rides with my 5-year old singing would bring me to tears. Sleeping under a roof brought me joy and I didn't know how long I would be able to stay in my apartment. Part happiness and part sadness. When would my savings eventually run out? What will happen if I don't secure a new position after August? 

When August arrived, I still had no job secured. In fact, mid-August rolled around and still nothing. My sister had finally moved out and on her own. After 3+ years. My apartment lease was ending and I had no job lined up. My emotional state was hidden in August. I became indifferent. I couldn't think about it. Living in a one-income household has always been my normal, but when I am at risk of turning into a zero-income household it's scary. Especially when you are the sole provider of your child.

I'm also a Kindergarten teacher.

Another tough part of Summer 2020 was deciding if my daughter would start Kindergarten in school. All the fun things about Kindergarten wouldn't be in the room due to sanitary reasons. She'd be confined between beige walls but she'd get to see other kids. The alternative was remote learning through the school. I'd be teaching someone else's plans during the week and my daughter would have zoom meetings to work around. I felt like I had to choose between my daughter's social and emotional intelligence and her safety and consistency. There was no right answer.

I decided to take her out of the district. If we were going to have a rocky year with mama's job, then we could take ownership over one aspect of our life to have at least one thing consistent. In August, she didn't know how to write the entire alphabet by memory and hadn't learned a single letter sound.

We are almost halfway through our homeschool year and she knows those letter sounds. She can read books, pick up on site words, add and subtract by memory, and can tell me so many science facts! We completed a season of soccer with temperature checks, masks and other safety protocols. Our team had 0 cases, making it a successful season. This was very important for us, because my daughter was able to get out of the house and interact with kids her own age.

It has been a blessing in disguise. Since school is a priority and I can place it between work and meetings, it gives us bonding time throughout the day and really helps my work-life balance. Spoiler alert: I found a job.

Homeschooling AND working full-time is not easy. I have questioned my abilities as a teacher and even as a parent. This year has tested me as a student of life, during a pandemic.

Happy Birthday

On the week of my birthday (and days before my "expiration date"), I spoke with a couple of people from different companies who I knew through my career's work. I hadn't formally applied but both had opportunities they wanted to talk about. Days later, after formalities, I had two offers. TWO. Happy Birthday to me. My heart raced and the first person I called was my mom. I cried some more and then focused on the tough decision of which path I was to take. I proceeded in a role at my current employer, Gannett... and I am glad I did. I am back to project management and feel completely empowered to share my ideas and make decisions.

What's Next?

2020 was hard. I lost a former colleague to depression and self-harm during the lockdown. My family contracted COVID. Holidays weren't the same. I saw so many people lose their jobs. I saw people fight over human rights. I fought for human rights. I spoke up for my boyfriend and his family. I voted. I secured a new job. I discovered that feeling something was okay. It was hard for everyone.

The pandemic will follow us into 2021, there is no doubt. My hope (these will be turned into goals soon) is that my daughter will get to attend school in-person for 1st grade. That is my biggest hope for her. I love working from home, but I hope I get to meet my "new" coworkers in an office. I want to work on trusting my knowledge as a project manager, but more importantly as a mom. Finding calmness during high pressure situations and focusing on sleep. Yes, I am 27 and I haven't mastered the art of sleeping.

My hope that you, reading this, the mother, the father, the sole provider, the joint provider, the son, the daughter, the sister - 2021 brings you calmness and happiness, but it's okay to cry sometimes, too.