Navigating Humility

When we entered the Lal Bahadur Shastri Academy of Administration (LBSNAA) Mussoorie, we had an enthusiastic Director. He was somewhat reserved but whenever he met us, he tried to mould young probationers. He would quote stories from his service life and try to teach us how civil servants should behave in public life.

In one such session, he was explaining to us the value of humility and how to say no without offending others. He said that whenever he gets invited to an event he does not wish to attend, he does not refuse immediately. He explained this with an example about when the peon of his office came to invite him to his daughter’s wedding, but he could not afford to go. He did not refuse him immediately. He made him sit comfortably, congratulated him, and slowly opened the wedding card. He patiently asked what the groom does and what the professional plans of his daughter are after marriage. 

Then he slowly got up, took out his diary from his briefcase, and checked the date. He then briefly gasped and said, an important committee meeting was scheduled on that day and he may not be able to attend the wedding. He told us how the peon went profusely thanking him and satisfied. Till now this was an important lesson for me.

After six months, my marriage was fixed and as a courtesy, I went to invite the director. There were almost a hundred probationers in the academy and the academy training became a season for weddings. Inviting the Director is a subtle way of seeking leave, rather than expecting the Director to attend the wedding.

He had a tall stature and a thick moustache. His office boy asked me to enter the room and I remember he was sipping Darjeeling tea.  His eyes lit up when he saw me entering with a wedding card in my hands. He made me sit comfortably and asked what the bride did and how she would align her professional life with my service. He then got up and opened his briefcase to take out his diary.

I was praying that this should end fast and then I heard a gasp. He had an important committee meeting and he could not attend my wedding, although he would have absolutely loved it. His six months old lecture was getting played in my mind and the same was being enacted in front of me. For a moment I felt was I being patronised? I had a mix of feelings; embarrassment, deja vu and happiness on getting my leave approved.

Often we do things for the sake of doing it and an overdone response conveys a lack of genuineness. I now wonder did his peon wanted to have him at the wedding or if he was also seeking leave.

The Director was a well-meaning man and I still appreciate what he taught us about humility. It matters when we treat our colleagues as human and make an effort to appreciate their gestures. In the hustle and bustle of life, many of us, in civil services or outside, forget humility; the challenge also is to remain genuine while being warm and humble.