Three Surefire Ways to Become a Millionaire on Medium

[As some of you know, I've been experimenting with a writing platform called Medium. There's a lot there I like and well, some things I don't. In the latter category, I'm struck by how overrun it is with get-rich-on-Medium-schemes. And for some reason, the algorithm is feeding me - a new user - a steady diet of such drivel. So, in response... I wrote the following words of great wisdom on that platform today.]

I’ve been here less than a month and have three solid followers thus far so I am more than a just a little qualified to offer you this solid, practical advice. Please like, comment, follow, ingratiate, and Venmo me at your earliest convenience. Thank you.

Here are three sensible steps to becoming wealthy beyond your wildest dreams right here on Medium. You can work from your basement in your underwear, make money walking your Lhasa Apso, and feel buoyed by your increasing net worth during your stage 4 sleep cycle… every single night. Simply follow these steps because they work!

1. Supplementary: In this strategy, work hard through undergraduate studies and successfully be admitted to medical school. Gain passing grades there and then choose a residency in thoracic surgery. Next, become gainfully employed practicing that craft. Write about your journey on Medium while maintaining your surgical side hustle.
2. Providence: Here you simply need to successfully win at some type of gambling enterprise, whether through a state lottery or in some high stakes game of chance. Make sure you spend far less money in this quest than you earn back. Blog about this on Medium.
3. Birthright. You’re going to want to be born into a family of means, maintain proper relationships with those of wealth and/or manipulate your position to one of advantage in order to gain the inheritance you deserve. I have another post entitled: “I Ain’t Sayin’ She a Gold Digga, Gold Digga” about other opportunistic tactics in this regard. When you receive your estate, write about how that made you feel on Medium.

I hope you find these simple steps easy to follow and implement. If so, please like, comment, and consider including me in your will.

Thank you.