Despite my best efforts, I'm still here

no pls im begging you

Chat they made Minecraft into a silly goofy cringe movie even through Minecraft is actually about life and earth and the universe and tearing meaning out of the ground and molding it with your hands into something that you can be proud of. They made the pink sheep look ugly and funny for a cheap laugh when it should’ve been a beautiful moment where you, age eleven, come across this rarity, this beautiful anomaly and you hold its face in your hands and stare into its chocolate brown eyes and you realize what the whole world is about. Chat they made it into a joke

Chat they made Minecraft into a silly goofy cringe movie even through Minecraft is actually about life and earth and the universe and tearing meaning out of the ground and molding it with your hands into something that you can be proud of. They made the pink sheep look ugly and funny for a cheap laugh when it should’ve been a beautiful moment where you, age eleven, come across this rarity, this beautiful anomaly and you hold its face in your hands and stare into its chocolate brown eyes and you realize what the whole world is about. Chat they made it into a joke

"As long as we have homeless veterans, we don't have enough money to forgive student loan debt."

First of all, forgiving student loan debt costs nothing. Only the interest is being forgiven, which should have never existed in the first place. And the interest is simply being deleted. It's not being transferred to the taxpayers.

But also, stop pitting struggling people against each other. Those who went to college and are now in debt and those who joined the military and are now homeless were both lied to about how to be successful. Instead of arguing about who's more deserving of being scammed, maybe we should fight back against those doing the scamming?

gravity falls is so funny through robbie's pov

>be me, 15 year old emo in a bumfucknowhere town

>lives in a funeral home. my parents embalm bodies twenty feet and an entire wall away from where we cook dinner

>have a friend i want to be my girlfriend

>she starts hanging out with her boss' (???) twin niece and nephew outside of work hours even though they're like in elementary school

>friend becomes your girlfriend

>weird shit happens around these twins. conscience store ghosts, a weirdly pixelated adult man beating you up, your dirt bike gets stolen, your girlfriend's boss and his nephew make your gf break up with you???

>gets memories erased at some point

>suddenly in love with only other female friend, like instantly in love and it's like this came out of nowhere but she's so perfect and you loooooove her it's so great don't question why there's a part of you that doesn't remember ever actually falling in love with her. also those fucking twins had something to do with this again.

>apocalypse happens

>mfw im apparently part of a secret key of people that can save the world by holding hands but it gets fucked up last minute by your ex's boss fighting with his twin over grammar (did he always have a twin?? why are there so many twins??)

>the ritual you were a part of failed. you were supposed to be a special person and part of saving the world but nope. that failed.

>get turned into a statue

>apocalypse ends and you have no clue how or why

>things like immediately go back to normal

>still with girl you don't remember falling in love with

>the twins just fucking. leave the town. and now there's two of your ex girlfriend's bosses around. no one ever explains how or why any of this has happened. you still live in a funeral home.

thank fucking god I'm not 14 anymore

hey if you are 14-17 It does get better you are just in your caterpillar goop era

Ah, that explains the complete deconstruction of the younger self

is it me or like, have movies been getting worse?????

hhhuh

Also the only 3 movies listed above that don't have a label are adaptations from other pieces of entertainment (Barbie and Mario) and a movie based on historical events. Not a single movie in the top 10 highest grossing movies of the last 3 years comes from an original story.

four original concepts remain, and they are waiting for the right moment to release them

we would be so lost without garlic

and bread

guess who’s late again :D

I was, in fact, 40 minutes late to band

i hope they weren't too mad at you :( i know band starts super early X(

I was so late to school this morning I missed my entire first class

invent 6e

Frog and cranberries it must be fall.

Frog and cranberries it must be fall.

Frog and cranberries it must be fall.

Frogs and cranberries it must be fall.

Frog and cranberries it must be fall.

it’s spring but okay

Frogs and cranberries it must be fall

An old dragon just wants to be left alone, but the new village that just cropped up a few decades ago keep leaving gifts at his doorstep… and now they’ve just left a maiden!

Dragons, long lived and seldom born as they are, do not think as men do, in days and hours. Dragons think in years, decades, centuries. They blink, and five times has the world gone round the sun. They sleep, and a decade has passed. So, Varas paid little mind to the village built at the base of his mountain.

They were so tiny, really. These little places humans scraped out of the wild. fragile, even. This wasn’t even the first time a village had been built here. The first had come and gone so quickly he had not even noticed it until he had stomped through its ruins on one of his walks. Goblin raid, if he had had to wager. Nothing left but ash and bone.

So Varas paid them little heed and went back to his doings, flying, hunting, sleeping, pondering as Dragons are want to do.

If he had to pinpoint the moment things changed, it was when he had woken one day to find a thief robbing his hoard. A dragon’s hoard was his pride, and that could not stand. He had awoken in a rare fury, burning the thief to cinders, and casting his ruined form from his cave.

He supposed the body must have landed in the village, because soon after, things changed.

They started leaving him things. At first it was livestock. A cow, a goat, a drop in the bucket of his appetite. Still, they were appreciated. Food was food, and the livestock tasted good enough.

Then it was more exotic things, accompanying the livestock. Treasure. Rare books. Even fancy dresses. The treasure was appreciated, of course. The books even more so, his library was the pride of his hoard after all. He had no idea what to do with the dresses so he stashed them in the back of his hoard, thinking they might one day be of use.

It had been a status quo of sorts, one he had tolerated even as the village grew and grew, becoming a small town.

Then, some foolish knight had come to slay him That happened to Dragons, foolish humans thinking they could make themselves legends by slaying a dragon. Pah, only the greatest of humans earned that right, and their names were venerated even among the Dragons.

Sigurd, George, Heracles. Their names were etched in the memory of every Dragon. This knight was none of them. Some foolish vassal of a vassal with ahead too big for his own good. Varas had not even bothered with his fire. He had merely knocked the human off the cliff outside his cave and let the mountain do the rest.

After that, the humans left a girl.

-

He had just awoken, stretched and yawned, and found the usual offering of a swine and a box of treasure, but with them was a shivering slip of a girl in one of the fine dresses he was now accustomed to getting, although it was almost comically too big for her, and she was shaking, sobbing, and crying.

This… was very strange.

He emerged from his cave and the girl screamed and fell to the ground, shielding her head, muttering and praying.

Now this was just ridiculous.

“Human,” he growled, and the girl froze.

She looked up, slowly, and met his great gaze. “Y- you speak?”

What? Did humans think Dragons were mute? Eh, who cared. “Why are you here?”

She blinked, fear giving way to confusion. “I- I am your sacrifice, great one.”

Sacrifice?! What was this?!

“I have no need for man flesh. Get thee gone from my door.”

He said little more, merely snatched the other offerings, leaving the girl out there, confused and frightened. After that he confesses he quite forgot about her until the next day, where he found she was still there, sleeping huddled behind a rock.

Now he was starting to anger. Did he not tell her to go?!

He went to her, and prodded her with his talon, waking her. She cried out, pressing herself against the mountain, eyes terrified.

“I told thee to get thee gone. Why have you defied me?”

the girl shivered. “D-Dragon I just- You’re meant to eat me!”

Eat her?! where had this come from? “I have no appetite for your kind.”

The girl shook her head. “B-but the Knight! Sir Evans!”

Oh Fates, was THAT what this was about?! “He came to slay me. I cast him from the mountain and ate his horse.”

She shook her head. “But- but it was a message! You- you aren’t satisfied with our offerings and wanted more!”

The dragon snorted. “I asked for no offerings. You left them to me of your own will. I took them because they were given. I would care little if they stopped.”

The girl shook her head. “But- but the story- one-hundred years ago when Sciath was first founded you cast a thousand burning corpse into the town square, demanding tribute! We have a day of remembrance and everything!

A thousand- what?! “It was one thief I burned and sent down the mountain.”

she stopped and stared. “One- One thief?”

Varas nodded. “Yes. Now that you know the truth, return to thy home, girl. I have no care for sacrifices.”

With that, Varas returned to his cave, considering the matter settled. However, much to his shock, the girl was still there the next day, looking tired and miserable.

Now this was just mad. Did she have nothing better to do?!

“You’re still here?” he asked, going out to her.

The girl nodded. “I- I don’t want to go back.”

Now this was strange. And interesting. Varas settled down, extending out one wing to shade the girl from the sun. “You do not wish to return to thy den?”

she shook her head, tears in her eyes once more. “They- they sent me here to die! It doesn’t- doesn’t matter that you didn’t they thought you would! All of them- my own parents- I- I-”

She broke down crying again. Varas said nothing. The ways of humans were strange to him. But he understood that betraying your own kin was wrong, no matter the nature.

“Dragon,” she said in a small voice. “I- I am so hungry. So thirsty. May- may I have something to eat? It’s been days.”

The dragon cocked his head, curiously, and rose. “My name is Varas, human. What is yours.”

“R- Rose. My name is Rose.”

“Enter and be welcome, Rose.”

-

Like that, a new normal had been established. Rose stayed in his cave for a day, and then he blinked and a year had passed.

She availed herself of his hoard. She learned to read from his books. Learned to fight with his the weapons in his piles of treasure. She taught herself to cook, to sew, even to smith.

He aided her, of course, curious to see what she could do. He helped build her a forge and a workshop to pursue her interests. He even parted with some of his gold (scandalous!).

The years turned to decades as they did for dragons, and Rose grew from a slip of a girl, into a powerful young woman.

It was strange, to see one grow up close. Their lives were so short, these humans. It was a privilege to witness this, he had realized.

And it was… nice. Nice to have a companion.

When twenty years had passed, they left another girl at his doorstep. another cringing slip of a girl, who nearly fainted when she saw Rose and himself. Rose took the new girl, Evelyn, in, and started to teach her all the things Rose had taught herself.

And then, one day, Rose came to him, asking permission to leave.

“I want to go out into the world.” Said Rose. “I want to help people, fight their enemies, maybe even meet other dragons!”

Varas looked her over. She looked so different, clad in armor and armed with sword and shield, both of which she had forged herself. sometimes he looked at her and saw the frightened child that had been left on his doorstep.

“I’d like to take Evie with me, she’s my squire after all.”

Varas sighed. “You have never been my prisoner, Rose. Thou hath been free to leave whenever you wished.”

She nodded. “I- I know Varas. You’ve just been so- so good to me. I- I wanted your blessing, I guess.”

He leaned forward and touched his snout to her brow. “It is given. I bequeath to you the world, Rose. Take it.”

Rose smiled and kissed the horn that rose from his snout.

“Thank you, father.”

He would never see Rose again.

-

Time passed, as it did. The village would leave him gifts, always with a maiden now. And always would he take them in. Sometimes they would leave, sometimes they died in his cave. He had a dozen living in his cave at this point, the eldest nearly eighty, presiding over the girls like a grandmother.

Before he knew it, a century had passed.

And then, one day, a knight came to his cave.

She was a resplendent creature, clad in burnished plate and armed with a familiar sword. The young woman knelt to him as he left his cave, and announced herself.

“Mighty Varas, Lord of Mount Crakefen. I am Arya Morrigan, Dame of the Knightly Order of the Dragon’s Rose. I am here to pay tribute to the father of our founder, and return an ancient relic to you.”

And with that, the knight unbuckled her sword and presented it to Varas, and he recognized Rose’s handiwork.

HIS Rose.

Varas accepted it and beheld the knight. “Tell me of her.”

The woman looked at him. “Who, Mighty Varas?”

Varas settled down by her, extending a wing to shade her from the sun as he had to a shivering slip of a girl a century ago. A blink of his eye, a drop in the bucket of his immortal life, and yet somehow a moment that had changed everything.

“Tell me of Rose. Tell me of my daughter.”

Dame Arya smiled. “Lord Varas, let me tell you the tale of Rose Varasdaughter, the greatest hero the land has ever known.”

researching 17th century piracy tonight. came across this:

how widespread could this have really been? how would it have gotten passed from ship to ship? can you imagine a pirate crew at a tavern, bragging to another pirate crew about how good they are at playing pretend? why was their go-to game “legal system”? were they performing incisive satire? is this some sort of pirates-only inside joke that’s been lost to the ages?

update: the mock-charge in the mock-trial was piracy

they used to pretend to try each other for piracy

as a stress relief

ok but it’s got to have been a lot of fun to be the pirate defense lawyer, for the pirate accused of piracy, to attempt to argue to the pirate judge, in front of a jury of pirate peers, that your client could not possibly be a pirate

@kim-poce is this what the executions on the discord server are like

Pirates? On my pirate ship?

its called the D: drive because you look at how much space is left on it and you go "D:"

why is this mom joke getting notes

bc its true

Your icon is violently in love with you for 5 weeks how screwed are you

I... I think I'm gonna die

true self

babe are you ok? you reblogged "true self" 3 times today

@kloonissmall, are you okay? You're spam rebloging "true self" a lot.

i am a very cisgender person :thumbs_up:

@real-british-empire

You see, that’s not my aesthetic.

I prefer skirt + hoodie and some thigh highs.

In theory.

In practise I can’t get any of that stuff because my parents control my money.

Regardless, IM NOT TRANS