hey guys, what do you think of my dinner?

(choose your words carefully)

This post has 1 set of parentheses.

This post has been enchanted with Smite II and Unbreaking.

what are you doing to me

String identified: g, at t ? (c ca) T t a t at. T t a cat t t a ag. at a g t

Closest match: Apogon imberbis genome assembly, chromosome: 5 Common name: Cardinalfish

(image source)

A most glorious post everyone, well done.

I am here for consultation as always.

Ill turn america into a necropolis of black iron and ash Thousands of miles wide

Most excellent, my liege. I will assist in any way I can.

Youre not my advisors Who are you

Just here to help, my liege (:

Ill turn america into a necropolis of black iron and ash Thousands of miles wide

Most excellent, my liege. I will assist in any way I can.

I have no idea how to run a gimmick blog send help

You said scream?

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYOUCANTAGPEOPLE?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

B

SpaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaatula

*clears throat*

drink some fucking water

Another remarkable post, my liege. 10/10

I keep forgetting I have a significant following on here but I'm also a Stupid Teenager and now I'm terrified I'm gonna do something dumb and get hurt because of it

They can't be mean to you if you murder them with horrible violence, my liege!

I believe the kids call this a "life hack".

Ah, but ye humble advicer, hast thou considered the existence of Zombies

I've considered them, yes! This only makes my advice all the more valuable. You get to kill them multiple times! Or perhaps inflict such grandiose violence that the mere human form could not withstand.

The undeath of one's adversaries only opens up new avenues of their undoing, says I.

Well now I gotta

Fortune favors the bold, my liege.

villain going to the goon shelter to pick out a new henchman

this energetic and diabolical boy was rescued from a goon hoarding situation… he loves pulling levers, gloating, and turning cranks with great abandon. prefers to be the only goon. needs an active lair with plenty of enrichment.

now this fella comes with some baggage. his previous villain was going to have put down when he refused to perform unsedated human vivisection as a form of torture. one of our agents intercepted the execution and brought him to the goon shelter. would thrive in an environment of G or PG-rated villainry.

on the other hand, if you’re looking for something a little more… advanced… then this fine lady over here would make a great challenge for an experienced villain able to set firm boundaries. she will NOT be released to first-time villains; proof of prior henchpeople must be demonstrated before adoption approval. high prey drive. under no circumstances should she be left alone with children or small animals. must sign waiver releasing the goon shelter from responsibility if her behavior is deemed excessively depraved.

These two are pair-bonded and may only be adopted together. Up for anything, they are fiercely loyal to their employer provided their needs are met and they are permitted to hold hands. They look alarmingly similar to one another but it is undeterminable whether they are close blood relatives or lovers who choose to dress and style themselves in identical ways. Habit of finishing each other’s sentences with rhyming couplets; we have not attempted to train this out of them. Will answer to whatever names or titles you give them so long as they are complimentary and/or rhyme.

Will you help this goon find his forevil lair? He’s been returned to the goon shelter six times now but we refuse to give up on him. A vile little rat of a man, he’d be the perfect accomplice to someone willing to overlook his unfortunate heterosexuality. If gay-coding is not your style and you don’t expect it from a henchman, please consider giving this little guy a good home in your dastardly schemes.

This guy is not your typical goon. He was rescued from a high-kill shelter after being deemed unfit for henching. His deep baritone voice, his darkly handsome good looks, and his flair for the dramatic have made prospective employers pass over him time and time again, making him the longest resident of the goon shelter. But don’t judge a book by its cover—while his appearance and demeanor suggest “villain”, his real passion is taking orders and faithfully serving a master. If you’re secure in your villainry and not prone to jealousy, he may just be what it takes to turn your base into a lair.

Excellent choices all, my liege.

I keep forgetting I have a significant following on here but I'm also a Stupid Teenager and now I'm terrified I'm gonna do something dumb and get hurt because of it

They can't be mean to you if you murder them with horrible violence, my liege!

I believe the kids call this a "life hack".

saw a sinisterly pretty cat on the sidewalk

Fuckyea did you get to pspsps the kitty

the kitty glanced at me with dripping disdain and returned to plotting its nefarious schemes

That was my cat. He's always plotting and planning. Very proud of him.

“Kill them with kindness” WRONG! Invade and take over their kingdom and OFF WITH THEIR HEAD

A most excellent suggestion, my liege! I would suggest the guillotine, of course.

But are you normal about your friend who wears the corrupted amulet?

Do you allow your friend to spill blood as the amulet demands? Do you accept the amulet as a sapient force whose needs are important and must be met without question? Do you give the amulet a little kissy whe n it gets lonely

Amazing suggestions, my liege.

I've got just the Labyrinth, my liege! A fine maze, curated specifically to your tastes. Would you like to take a brief stroll through it?

the perceived goodness of everything everywhere is directly proportional to the amount of lil guys you see daily. a lil guy could be anything: a bug of the road, a blorbo of the brain, a friend or pet of some sort, they're like a vitamin. without them your brain tries to digests itself

your friend is correct. 100 years in the dread labyrinth

I've just such a labyrinth, my liege. An excellent labyrinth if I do say so myself.