“What’s the hardest thing about having AIDS?”
“Convincing your parents you’re Haitian.”
That’s a joke that went around during the early days of the AIDS crisis. Having AIDS then was also known as being a member of the 4H club: Haitians, hemophiliacs, heroin users, and homosexuals. Notice which one is last. What made the joke har-de-har hilarious was the widely held belief that having the virus was better than being known as gay.
Governments were so slow to respond partly because it was quietly understood the virus was attacking undesirables. “AIDS is God’s Punishment for the Gays” was a point of view seen as valid at the time.
Homophobia and anti-queer bias are woven into the fabric of American life. More specifically, phobia against gay men. I grew up in a world where the idea of two men together was considered disgusting, while the idea of two women together was considered hot.
When I was growing up in Arizona as a chubby, short, allergic choirboy with eczema, “fag” was just one of the names I was called by prepubescent bullies in school. There was no sexual context. “Gay,” “homo,” “fag,” “faggot,” and my favorite, “faggoty-ass faggot” were convenient ways to define me as a soft, artsy nerd who sang all the time and didn’t understand why throwing balls or kicking balls or hitting balls with bats was interesting.
Once puberty hit, I started having sexual thoughts and they weren’t about Debbie or Jennifer, but about Bob and Dave. I was terrified anyone would find out. I did everything I could think of to hide my sissy-ness, including date Debbie (poor girl).
To make things worse, I entered high school in 1982, when AIDS began creeping into the nightly news, people were dying, and the government was silent. Names I was called became more sinister because a faggot now could be deadly. And death is what a faggot deserves.
Homophobia was so powerful that even closeted celebrities diagnosed with AIDS waited until the last possible moment to disclose to the public. Rock Hudson. Anthony Perkins. Freddie Mercury. Liberace.
If you didn’t live through it, it’s probably difficult to imagine a world where Liberace wasn’t automatically defined as gay. And Freddie? In hindsight it was so obvious. His band was named Queen, for chrissakes.
We live in a different world now. The sitcom Will and Grace (which aired 1998-2006) did a lot to ease the phobia (although I’m still mad they never even did a “very special episode” to address HIV/AIDS). We now have stars shimmering in the firmament, unabashedly living with HIV: Emmy and Tony winner Billy Porter, Olympic gold medalist and author Greg Louganis, even Golden Globe Winner Charlie Sheen.
With the fabulous antiretrovirals that keep so many of us healthfully living with HIV (the commercials for which feature diverse members of the LGBTQ community, on prime time!), the science of U=U, and the advent of preexposure prophylaxis (PrEP), you’d think HIV prevention and care would be an easy topic to discuss and something easy to get federal and private funding for.
Alas, just ask anyone working at an HIV service organization, especially in the South, and you’ll find out just how easy it ain’t.
Educating folks about the continuing HIV epidemic is a Sisyphean task. The CDC statistics tell us 67% of new HIV cases happen in men who have sex with men, while 22% come from heterosexual contact. (Trans people aren’t separated in these statistics.) This makes HIV still seem like a gay disease to a lot of people, and they don’t want to be seen as gay. And if they’re not gay, the reasoning is, they don’t have to worry about HIV.
To make things more difficult, some states have refused federal funding because the agencies would have to employ people who look like the community they’re serving – including queers, gays, bisexuals, and transfolx. State governments use the ruse they’re trying to protect children (from what?), but we know it’s the same old homophobia and transphobia.
Some people use one quote in the Old Testament of the Bible to justify believing queer is wrong or against God. Now, I don’t claim Jesus-as-my-personal-Lord-and-Savior, but I do know Jesus didn’t say anything against gay people. He did, however, say “what God hath joined together let no man put asunder.”
Love is love. Besides, if God hated gays, They wouldn’t have made us so cute.
I don’t know what to do to rid society of the plague of fear, but irrational fear gets me fired up. When I hear homophobic remarks or see unjust laws enacted, it makes me dig in deeper to be even more of my authentic self: a loudmouthed, musical theater-loving, weight-lifting, cake baking, Samba dancing, nail-polished, I-have-sex-with-men, U=U queer with fabulous hair.
I always remember what Morgan Freeman, the voice of God himself, reportedly said: “I hate the word homophobia. It’s not a phobia. You’re not scared. You’re an a**hole.”
AMEN, Morgan.
Photo Credit: E+/Getty Images
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