Decoding Your Elusive Cancer Crush

A Cancer’s Trust is Hard-Earned

“I was often told by friends that when they first met me they were afraid of me. They thought I was cold, aloof, and super withholding. Once they met me outside of a party context and had some 1:1 conversations they realized what a corny little sap I was.” — D.S. (Cancer with a B.A. in avoiding eye contact.)

Cancers have their guard up, especially in big group situations. They are most often found at a party with a glass of wine in hand, people-watching, and talking shit with their best friend in the corner. They are bored easily and often resort to sarcasm and quips to avoid vacuous small talk. The way to crack a Cancer is through genuine curiosity and the ability to “yes and” a topic until you catch them on a subject they care about. They will easily flip a switch and melt into an engaging conversationalist.

Expect the same reticence over DMs and text. If you come in too hot, they can smell a disingenuous attempt from a mile away. If you are too withdrawn that will also scare them away, or worse, bore them very quickly. Cancers need a bit of gentle coaxing but once they feel safe, they are bombastic conversationalists and the best listeners imaginable. They will ask you a litany of personal questions to get to the core of who you are, and you’d best believe they will not forget a single detail they hear. When a Cancer feels emotionally safe, they drop the mean girl act and they are absolute love bugs. “Flirting with a Cancer is showing them that you’ve been listening. Recalling a detail, celebrating a small win you knew was important to them, anything that celebrates them on a personal level,” adds K.E. When a Cancer trusts you, you have earned yourself a cheerleader for life.

Cancers Are a Little Bit Psychic

“The best and the worst thing about being a Cancer is that we’re very good at reading people’s emotions. For some people, that makes them feel really seen and understood, for other people—shiftier personalities—they can feel exposed and attacked. Cancers have a no tolerance policy for bullshitters because of this.” — Q.A. (Cancer who knows what you did last summer.)

A Cancer never misses an emotional beat. A small turn in expression, a tone shift in a text thread, a pause that was a millisecond too long—you can’t get anything past them. Their intuition and empathy are so finely tuned they can often be mistaken for psychic powers. They know how you’re feeling before you even know yourself. Unfortunately, some people find this constant psychoanalysis to be invasive, especially if they are trying to hide something from a Cancer—good luck.

On a positive note, it makes them incredible confidantes. No one will make you feel more seen or understood than a water sign. The problem is, since Cancer’s find others’ emotions so easy to read, they expect that their own emotions are just as obvious. When they feel they’re not being seen on the same level, they can shut down. You see the walls going back up, and the coldness returns. Their sensitive and non-confrontational nature makes them champions at sulking. If you catch a Cancer sulking, you are legally required to ask them “What’s wrong?” But if you say it in the wrong tone, forget about it.

Moods Change Fast and Often

“It’s a stereotype that we are crybabies, and it’s not totally off base. Some days I’m unfazed by sentiment, other days I find myself balling my eyes out 10 seconds into an arthritis commercial because an old woman can throw a tennis ball to her dog.” —A.S. (Cancer and certified crybaby.)

Cancers are deeply sensitive which swings both in the positive and negative direction. Part of their hard exterior at first is to shield you from the embarrassing fact that they can be so easily overjoyed and devastated at the flip of a switch. This window into the tides of their emotions is only available to a select few. The intensity of their feelings gives them an incredible memory and also makes them deeply nostalgic and sentimental. Since they are overstimulated easily, they need a lot of time alone to recharge. If you push them past their social battery they will become, pun-intended, very crabby.

Cancers get the reputation of being withholding or inscrutable because they don’t feel they can fully express themselves when they aren’t “emotionally safe.” A Cancer could be head-over-heels in love with you, but if you’re being fickle or hot-and-cold, they will never let you know. Their psychic intuition raises the alarms if they feel their emotions are being toyed with and it often causes them to put up walls. “I hate getting categorized as a cozy, stay-at-home, rom-com-obsessed, Mac n’ cheese person because it’s totally off base. It’s irritating that it often paints cancers as weak when really our ability to feel deeply and understand emotions is our greatest strength,” explains M.L.

A Cancer Can't Forget or Forgive

“I’m usually very forgiving, but if you push me past a point, you’re never hearing from me again.” K.M. (Cancer and champion grudge-holder)

While it’s hard to lose a Cancer’s friendship, it’s far from impossible. When you cross one of the few boundaries they have, the guard goes back up and many people are shocked at how cold they can become. When a Cancer is done with you, they are DONE. Unlike the sister water sign of Scorpio who will be out for revenge, a Cancer is surprisingly good at cutting people out of their life without remorse (or feeling silently guilty the rest of our lives). Yes, we may seem like sentimental, pushover, crybabies, but if you push us to the limit, you will be dropped like a hot potato.

Don’t Underestimate Them

“The biggest misconception about Cancers would be that we just cry all the time and that’s indicative of emotional weakness. When you think of famous Cancers—Meryl Streep, Anthony Bourdain, Ariana Grande, Princess Diana—they are go-getters who are deeply passionate. Just because we feel things deeply, doesn’t mean we’re weak. It’s a superpower that lets them achieve great things!” —K.E. (Cancer and credentialed overachiever.)

Cancers have the reputation of being total softies, and while that is somewhat true, they are also a cardinal sign. Along with Aries, Libra, and Capricorn, cardinal signs are natural-born leaders. They like to get shit started. They have a bravery and ambition that often surprises people. With a competitive edge and ability to lead, Cancers are some of the ballsiest signs in the zodiac. While they are cautious with emotions, they are quite adventurous and have a take-charge attitude. Combined with their creativity, this makes Cancer the “ideas people” of the zodiac. If you’re crushing on a Cancer just know their take-charge attitude gives them very little patience for behavior that is insincere or trifling. Don’t waste a Cancer’s time.

How to Flirt With a Cancer

Depending on your astrological sun sign, here is the best way to connect with your Cancer crush:

Aries: Getting drunk at Dave & Buster’s

Taurus: A picnic with top-shelf charcuterie

Gemini: People-watching with eviscerating commentary

Cancer: A marathon of subtext and mind reading over a bottle of wine

Leo: Do a dramatic reading of your middle school diary

Virgo: Sharing the extensive details of your pet adoption

Libra: Go to thrift stores and play dress up

Scorpio: Eye-fucking from across the room

Sagittarius: Impulsive drive to the beach

Capricorn: Leaving a party early together

Aquarius: Getting stoned at the Natural History Museum

Pisces: Crying at an anniversary screening of Titanic

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