Success After Sixty

DON'T MISS OUT! I've written before about the fact that a number of people I know have passed away recently. The two funerals I recently attended taught me several things. What I want to share with you now is what I learned about missing out on knowing people. I didn’t know either of the men who passed away very well, even though I had known them for a long time. One of them, Phil, was a member of our religious community, and I had known him for over 50 years. The other man was my cousin, my first cousin, David, so I had known him all my life. As I sat at Phil's “celebration of life" (which is how we tend to treat such things in the Baha'i Faith) and listened to people talk about what a wonderful person he was, I began to regret not having gotten to know him better. As they talked about their experiences with him, I thought, “I could have had experiences like that too!”. The next Saturday, I was at my cousin David's funeral, celebrated as a Mass at the Catholic Church he attended. This was a different sort of commemoration, with more prayers, scriptures and singing than stories from his life. Nevertheless, this feeling of having missed knowing someone deepened. In this case, as I met relatives I had never met before (including David's wife), I began to feel almost embarrassed to admit I barely knew him. He was my cousin, after all. How could I not know him? When his wife asked me to tell her stories about him, I didn’t have any! After the funeral, and at the reception, I was visiting with David's sister, my other cousin, and thinking about the fact that I really hadn't spent much time with her, or gotten to know her, either. It was at that point that I moved from regret to action. This cousin was still alive, and I could change this. I talked to her about what I was feeling, and we decided to take action, to form a plan to get to know each other. It would take some effort because she lives across the country now (oh, those lost years when I could have so easily driven to her house!) but we made a plan, and we will take action on that plan, and we will get to know each other. Are you missing opportunities to get to know the people around you better? You might want to give some thought to the consequences of that, and take action to change that. In the meantime, remember to tell yourself— “I’m Never Done Growing!” #success #successmindset #successaftersixty

TWO FUNERALS AND A WEDDING Recently, it seems that a number of people that I know have passed away, or have relatives who have passed away. I know that's not uncommon for people in our age group, so I want to share my thoughts about that with you. I suppose it started with the commemoration of my mother's 100th birthday. She passed away in 2001, but would have been 100 on July 24, 2024. That got me thinking about my own mortality. Her generation in my family is now gone, putting me at "the head of the line" so to speak. I did write about that some time ago when my last uncle passed away, but this brought it fresh to my mind. Last Saturday, Cheri and I attended a "celebration of life" for a friend of ours. He was only four years older than me, which really emphasized those thoughts. As I sat there listening to the many expressions of admiration for him, it also got me thinking about my legacy, what I would leave behind me, what people would remember about me. Next Saturday is the funeral for my cousin, who was actually several years younger than me. It's difficult not to have a countdown timer in mind at these times. I'm 71. I can reasonably expect to make it to my 90's. The math tells me that I can expect about another 20 years of active life. That's not very much time! Or....what can you do in 20 years? One tool I have created for my students is the Slice of Life Tool, which guides them to see what they have been able to accomplish in the past in a 10 or 20 year period. It is very instructive, because it gives you an understanding of what you could accomplish in the next 10 or 20 years. For example, travel is very important to me. In 20 years, I could travel the world, and see all of the places I've ever wanted to see. On the other hand, realizing I have only 20 years left, makes me realize that I don't have forever and I need to start travelling. It also causes me to think about my legacy, what I am going to leave behind and what people will remember about me. I need to put more work into creating that legacy. And, the wedding. The Saturday after next, friends of ours are getting married, and that is a reminder not only of the joyous occasions in our lives, but also a reminder that life goes on. Weddings, births, birthdays, family gatherings--these are all part of the natural order of life as much as are funerals. There is a balance to be found here, I believe. That is particularly true if you can use these milestones, not to create a feeling of loss or dread, but to create a feeling of appreciation and motivation. In the meantime, remember to tell yourself— “I’m Never Done Growing!” #success #successmindset #successaftersixty

A NEW APPROACH TO GRATITUDE—LOOK FOR MIRACLES! I meditate every morning and I follow a gratitude practice. Both of these practices are an important part of preparing myself for the day. Jay Shetty refers to your morning meditation as “putting on armor” to face the challenges of the day. Tony Robbins says, about gratitude, “When you are grateful, fear disappears, and abundance appears.” This past Sunday morning, those two practices coincided to give me a new insight. I was in a guided meditation about gratitude, and the facilitator brought up the idea of being mindful throughout your day of things to be grateful for. “Miracles are everywhere” was the message. This was a valuable new insight for me. Typically, my gratitude practice involves calling to mind something I have already experienced, and then feeling grateful for that. This new approach called for me to be acutely aware of what I was experiencing throughout the day and to be on the lookout for new things to be grateful for, for “miracles”. I tried out this new approach when I was having lunch in my backyard later that day. Looking around, I noticed a beautiful spray of flowers (in the picture) that had been growing and multiplying over the last few days. The miracle part of this, besides their beauty, was that we hadn’t planted those flowers. They had sprung from the ground on their own, seemingly from nothing, and were at the end of this tall, leafless stalk that bore no resemblance to anything else in the yard! A minor miracle, to be sure, but worth acknowledging and feeling grateful for, nonetheless. There it was--something new to be grateful for! Try this yourself. Today, keep an eye out for miracles. And when you spot one, acknowledge it and feel grateful for it. In the meantime, remember to tell yourself— “I’m Never Done Growing!” #success #successmindset #successaftersixty

TELL THE WORLD THEY'RE WRONG! Cheri and I like to watch stand-up comedy specials on TV, and Tom Segura is one we often enjoy. (Sometimes he’s too raunchy and we turn him off.) One night we were watching one of his specials from a few years back, and he hit one of my hot buttons—the way society views people in our age group. He had a long section in his routine where he talked about his parents, who were in their seventies at the time. The basic message was “If you haven’t done something by the time you reach 70, you aren’t going to.” The audience had a great time laughing at the "old people"! Now, I understand that he’s a comedian and exaggeration is one of their techniques, but this is exactly the sort of thing I’m talking about when I say that society views us as being done with life and that we aren’t capable of growing, learning or doing anything new and different. This affects the expectations that younger people have of us, which affects our interactions with them. I once asked our group the question, “You know you’re being treated like a ‘senior” when (fill in the blank). The answers I got were very instructive—and dismaying!: “The retail assistants no longer make eye contact with you, but now speak to your adult child who is accompanying you.” “When restaurant staff squat down to talk to you when they're taking your order like you're deaf or thick!” Those interactions can have an impact on our view of ourselves—and that’s the most dangerous aspect of this, in my opinion. My studies of mindset tell me that how we view ourselves has a very strong impact on us—it can even affect our bodies and our health. If you tell yourself you're too old, then you will be too old. If, instead, you realize that you have decades of productive life ahead of you and you could start, and be successful in, a whole new career, or whatever success means to you, then that's what you'll do. Here's my advice—ignore the people telling you that you’re old! Stand up tall and tell them-- “I’m Never Done Growing!” --Doug Sohn #success #successmindset #successaftersixty

THE DANGERS OF LEARNED HELPLESSNESS! I recently had a lesson in how easy it is to take on a belief in my own inability. About a month and a half ago, I broke my foot competing in a martial arts tournament. (Despite that, I completed my match and won a silver medal, with a foot broken in two places.) Because of that, I had to wear an orthopedic boot for six weeks and could not go to kung fu practice. It was awkward walking around with that thing on, throwing off my balance and making walking tiring. It did not, however, keep me from any exercise. There were many forms of exercise that it didn’t interfere with at all. Despite that, when my doctor finally told me my foot was healed and the boot was off forever, I looked back and realized that I hadn’t exercised at all for six weeks, not even the things I could have done. Why not? I spent some time thinking about it, and I realized that this injury, and the boot, had changed my view of myself. For that span of time, I did not see myself as athletic and capable, but injured and limited. Looking back, it was amazing to realize how fast, and how easy, that change in self-perception had occurred. This was a great lesson for me. I see now how easy it was to put myself into a limited category, and I realize that I need to be ever more vigilant to resist that kind of process. We all are subjected to things happening to our physical selves from time to time—illness, injuries, things of that nature. When that happens, we have to be very careful not to allow a temporary or partial disability to overwhelm our sense of ourselves, like I did. Focus on what you still can do, not what you can’t, and take action to do those things.  Watch out for the trap of learned helplessness. You’ll get plenty of support from society for falling into the trap, so you have to work hard to protect yourself from it.  And remember to always tell yourself— “I’m Never Done Growing!” --Doug Sohn #success #successmindset #successaftersixty

Even though I'm in the personal development field, I still get coaching, still try to learn more and become more. For two years running, I spent an intensive three days at an event called The World Summit. I spent twelve hours a day with 15,000 other students (virtually) learning from Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi, arguably the best teachers in the field of personal development today. I did this for two reasons. First, I am committed to learning everything I can in order to become th best version of myself. Second, I am committed to sharing with you what I have learned, so you can become the best version of yourself. One of the things I learned at these events was the importance of really understanding the needs of my students, and that the best way to do that is simply to ask. So here I am. Let me know what areas you would most like get some ideas, insights, or coaching on. Is it finances? Goal-setting? Finding someone special to share your life with? Something else? Send me an e-mail and let me know. That way, I'll be able to make sure that what I share with you is something you find value in. And always remember to tell yourself-- “I’m Never Done Growing!” --Doug Sohn #success #successmindset #successaftersixty

REMEMBER THIS KEY PRINCIPLE! One of the first things I learned when I began to study the principles of personal development was this simple concept--you have to stand guard at the door to your mind. I learned it from Tony Robbins over thirty years ago, and he learned it from Jim Rohn. But, what does that mean, exactly? It means you have to choose, every day, to resist the negative input that the world is trying to send your way. The news media, social media, well-intentioned friends, all of them have negative messages they are constantly conveying. (Don't get me wrong, your friends and family can have positive input as well; you have to make the distinction.) If you let all that negative input in, it can severely, and negatively, affect your mindset. A negative mindset can have devastating affects on your ability to take the actions you need to reach your dreams. That's why I regularly follow a morning routine that starts out my day by programming my mind with positive input, to give myself the mindset I need. I call this Winning Your Morning, and I teach that method in my various courses, including "The First Three Keys to a Successful Life After 60". Apply this simple principle to your life, and you'll see the positive results that you'll get. Remember to tell yourself, proudly, “I’m Never Done Growing!” --Doug Sohn #success #successmindset #successaftersixty

WE'RE THE HAPPY ONES! One of my major goals is to dispel the myths that society maintains about people in our age group, and one of those myths is that we are unhappy and lonely. Not long ago, I was introduced to the work of Dr. Laura Carstensen, a professor of psychology and an expert on longevity and aging. Here's what she has found: "I've spent the last thirty years investigating the psychology of aging, and my research consistently shows that, in terms of emotion, the best years come late in life. "With the exception of dementia-related diseases, which by definition have organic roots, mental health generally improves with age. Older people as a group suffer less from depression, anxiety, and substance abuse than their younger counterparts. In everyday life, they experience fewer negative emotions than people in their twenties--the people we stereotypically think of as the most happy--yet just as many positive ones." --A Long Bright Future, Carstensen So now we have even more scientific evidence to support the idea that we have the ability to continue to live happy, successful, fulfilling lives for decades to come. I hope that knowing that will help you in your efforts to become the best version of yourself. Remember to tell yourself, proudly, “I’m Never Done Growing!” --Doug Sohn #success #successmindset #successaftersixty

STRESS! One of the areas of my studies of personal development is the issue of stress and the "fight-or-flight" response. Most of us have heard of this--if we feel threatened, our body responds by amping up our heartbeat, dumping adrenaline into our system, getting ready to either fight or run away. What many of us don't know, however, is that this reaction, designed by nature to keep us alive in the early days of the human race, has a negative impact in modern life. A reaction that was intended to save us from cave bears, is now triggered by being late to work, or having to face an angry neighbor, or being worried about our finances. These aren't the kind of dangers this reaction was meant to save us from, but they trigger the response anyway. The big problem is that modern life has so many challenges like this, that we are constantly being triggered. Over time, this wears on the nervous system and has many negative consequences for our body and our mind. You may not even be aware that this is going on, but if you're feeling like you don't have control over your life, if you have an overall feeling of anxiety for reasons your can't pinpoint, you may be suffering from a continuing "fight or flight" response. What's the solution? My studies have shown me that the solution is take control of your mindset and, through that, your emotional responses. Start your day with my Win Your Morning Routine. Meditate. Practice positive self-talk. Exercise and get outdoors. Try to get enough sleep. All of these have excellent positive impacts that counteract the stresses in our lives and, over time, can help you to feel more peaceful, less stressed. Try these suggestions, and keep it up for at least thirty days, and see how that makes you feel. Be sure to let us know how it goes either by e-mailing me, or, if you're part of our Success After Sixty Facebook family, post it there. In the meantime, remember to keep telling yourself-- "I'm Never Done Growing!" --Doug

THE POWER OF FOCUS What do I mean by the "power of focus"? Let me tell you a little story. A while back, I was having a bad day. Yes, I have bad days too. I won't bother you with the details, but let's just say by late morning as I was headed out to the gym, I was in a bad mood. At the time, I was driving my 21-year-old Jeep, and I noticed a strange rattling sound. Because of my mindset, my thoughts immediately jumped to, "What's wrong with it now? Is it the suspension? Is it something in the transmission that's going to give out and leave me stranded? I even started envisioning calling Auto Club and where I would get the Jeep towed. I want you to notice the stream of my thoughts and how they were affected by my focusing on the assumption that there was something wrong with my car. Eventually, I looked in the back and realized that my tire iron was sitting on top of the metal stereo amplifier and that's where the noise was coming from. I moved the tire iron and, boom, the problem was solved. So, what's the point of this story? The point is that I chose to focus on the wrong thing--the belief that something was wrong with my car. As you can see, that let me down a dark path with all sorts of negative assumptions and expectations. I could have chosen differently. I could have chosen to focus on being curious, rather than being worried. It would have saved me from all those images of tow trucks and repair bills, and it would probably have led me to finding the actual problem sooner, and solving it. I hope you can see how important focus is. As you go through you day, get curious about what you're focusing on. Is it something positive, or negative? In the meantime, keep telling yourself: "I'm Never Done Growing!" -Have a great week! --Doug #success #successmindset #successaftersixty