The gratitude trap (noun): 1. The overly accommodating behavior, chronic apologizing, and meekness that so often feels required to the workplace as a woman. 2. An obstacle that undermines a leader’s value and effectiveness. In an exclusive excerpt from her new book, “Unwavering: Rejecting Bias, Igniting Change, Celebrating Inclusion,” Nellie Borrero, author and Senior Strategic Adviser for Global Inclusion & Diversity at Accenture, lays out some powerful reframes for avoiding the gratitude trap.
The one I also hate when someone is recognized is "Thanks, I was just doing my job!!" I often encourage women I hear responsd this way to say something like, "Thank you, I worked hard on this and appreciate being recognized." So important!
Yes, THESE!!! And also, recognize that people who aren't accustomed to your new way of self-advocating, may act out or show signs of disengaging with you. DO IT ANYWAY!!! Those aren't your people, and they never were. #UnicornLeader #TruthTeller
Knowing your value is important. Part of that is understanding where it’ll serve the most. There will be times where “I don’t think I’m the right choice/fit, but I know the perfect person for it” is the adequate reframe. An honest assessment of a situation, and a generous gesture.
Though I agree with the concept of using more assertive language, I really don’t like calling it the “gratitude trap.” Actual gratitude is powerful ANY time it is used. Saying “I’m sorry” too often has nothing to do with gratitude. Let’s not turn a positive, powerful thing into a negative marketing slogan. Let’s create clarity in how to practice gratitude and communicate more directly and/or specifically.
Content like this 👆 are definetly useful for when breaking this cycle 🙌 When I started policing my own writing and what I say, I realised that it had become a habit to use words like "might" and "maybe" and definitely "sorry" in a lot of places that it's not needed in. And it is self diluting the impact of what I have to say. Then I started actively keeping an eye out in what I write and say to train myself to stop doing this
Chief I'm adding "Thank you for recognizing my value" instead of "thank you for the opportunity" to my vocabulary.
It's certainly important for women in the workplace to recognize their value and assert their leadership without feeling the need to constantly apologize or accommodate. Reframing this mindset can significantly enhance a leader's effectiveness and impact. Thanks for these insights, Chief!
Manager, Legal Support at Charles Schwab
3wI can’t tell you how many times I start an email with, “I’m sorry this fell off my radar.” I delete it and say, instead, “Thank you for your patience. Here is the [ ] you asked for.”