I’ve talked a lot about quitting BlackRock but never really about the emotional turmoil that I went through back then.
A job that I’d entered into with so much hope and joy because as a fresh graduate, I didn’t know anything better.
All I could see was a glittering job at a famous institution that everyone was fighting to get in and that finally, at long last, I had made it.
But I couldn’t be more wrong.
I struggled with work and the environment.
Every day, I feared being “found out” as someone who didn’t “belong”.
A person who was struggling with coding, data analytics and learning about Monte Carlo simulations when everyone around me wasn’t.
I tried to cover this up with self-denial, i.e. it’s just a phase. Everyone goes through it and eventually, like everyone else, I’ll get through it.
I thought to myself - fake it and you’ll eventually make it.
But the amount of energy that I spent trying to make it work was all-consuming.
Pretending like everything was ok, when it wasn’t, was exhausting.
I had nothing left in the tank after work and unfortunately, my relationships took a huge hit.
My family, friends, and partner saw a side of me that I’m not proud of.
I lost a number of friends along the way too, which I still regret to this day, while other friendships simply... Faded away.
Because all the optimism I had was channelled towards work and all that I had left over after work was negativity.
And who wants to hang out with someone who’s always complaining and depressed?
I didn’t even realise how much of a debbie downer I was until my friend gently pointed out that every time we met up I’d just be complaining about work
So as much as BlackRock granted me a great work-life balance
My frustrations with work seeped into my personal life
And I just couldn’t use my time outside of work to recharge because my mental and emotional tank had run dry.
In the end, there was only one thing I could do - quit.
But what I learned is that giving up isn’t all that bad
It doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It just means that your values and personality don’t align and that there’s a better fit somewhere up there.
You’re quite simply trading one thing in for another.
Personally, I traded BlackRock for this:
✅ My self-confidence (admittedly, this took years to rebuild)
✅ My relationships (also a long process)
✅ My joy and mental wellbeing
And these things compound over time, and now I’m in a better place than I ever was before.
A place that 22-year-old Jennifer Ong would’ve never dared to dream of.
Do you dream of a career that you want to be in?
Dreams do become a reality.
Let me show you how.
Just DM me DREAM to get started!
