When we teach our children that they must follow any rule an adult puts in place, no matter what, we make them vulnerable. When we teach them that they have no real voice, we make them vulnerable. When we tell them them have no right to ask why, or to explain themselves, we make them vulnerable.
We might think that we are keeping them safe, that we are putting boundaries in place, but, particularly as they get older, blind obedience makes them vulnerable.
Not all adults have their interests at heart. A child who has been taught that adults always know best is convenient for those around them. ‘Easy to manage’ and biddable. Instant obedience can be trained, and makes an institution run smoothly. They learn that there’s no point in disagreeing.
But children who have learnt to do what they are told, no matter what, are easier to exploit. Children who have not been allowed to question adults won’t suddenly do so when things aren’t right.
As one young person said to me ‘I didn’t think I could say no’. When we take away agency from children, we make them vulnerable.
Saying No is important, and if we don’t show them that they can, how will they ever know?