Is Distracted Parenting Worse Than Distracted Driving?

For the first 9 years on our marriage, my wife and I struggled with having kids.  We went through the whole in vitro process after our 5th year of marriage and when there was no baby, we were devastated.  There was nothing that we wanted more than to be parents; however, there was nothing we could do to have a child of our own.  We saw many parents who had kids that, to us at the time, didn't even deserve them.  So we had to wait another 4 years before we finally got our turn. 

Today, I thank God for that season of waiting for kids (we now have 5).  Not for any worldly reason, but because often times the greatest convictions are made through times of anguishing in the wilderness.  I wish so many more couples were forced to wait like we did before having kids.  It forced us to evaluation how precious the gift of parenthood really is.

For me, this conviction was solidified one day as I was walking through the mall, shortly before Christmas.  It was almost 2 months after we were told that the in vitro was unsuccessful.  As I was strolling through the mall in front of me was the cutest 2 to 3 year old little boy who was walking and trying to eat an ice cream at the same time.  It was pretty evident that this was his first attempt at such a feat.  Each time as he prepared to take a bite, he would stop walking, and then proceed as he enjoyed himself.  However, this slow pace was not acceptable for his mother as she harshly yanked the little boy's arm prodding him to pick up the pace. 

I get it...I am a parent of 5 and I will often catch myself moving quickly from one task to the next, without taking the time to enjoy the simple moments.  Then this memory will come to mind as a reminder, and my pace will slow again.  You see I have a gift that this rushed mom will never know.  I have the gift of the memory of this adorable little boy working through the challenge of eating ice cream and walking at the same time.  

I promised myself that day that if I was ever blessed enough to have kids of my own that I would never be THAT parent.  I would never be the parent who took those little precious moments for granted.  I promised myself that I would always be watching, looking for the moments (however small) that I could save for a lifetime. 

This promise was pre smart phones. But as smart phones have entered our lives, the power of this conviction in me has only grown stronger.  Even though we may not be yanking our kids arms to pick up the pace, we could be guilty of a far greater sin.  We could be so plugged into distractions (our electronic devices) that we don't even notice, let alone care about our kids pace. 

A couple of months back I was sitting in a restaurant and watching a family who had become a "distracted family".   The dad, mom and oldest sister (around 14) all had their heads buried into their cell phones.  They had a young girl there (maybe a little under 2) that was acting out.  Trying her best to get someone, anyone's attention. All the while everyone at that table was sending a message to that child that their electronics were more valuable than her. 

My heart broke for that little girl, but even more so for that mom and dad.  I am certain that one day they will be reflecting back and wondering how time had gotten the best of them; wondering where all those little precious moments had gone.  

Games, email, Facebook, they all have some measure of value; but none of them are more valuable than that little child. 

So do yourself a favor and put it down, and open your eyes to something far more interesting.  If you struggle with putting it down, then leave it in the car.  if you just have to check email, etc then excuse yourself and go to the restroom, but when you get back, be in the moment, and don't miss a single one.  I promise you, you won't regret it.